@Marian and @FCCDAD these days are NOT required by the school and are NOT even organized by the school. at least in my experience and as posted by those on this board The kids do this ON THEIR OWN. This has been stated numerous times in this thread. If a kid is unhappy about where he is going, he can “forget” to wear the shirt. Nobody is forced to participate.
The vast majority of the kids are not wearing elite school t-shirts. The few who are may be the athletic recruit or may be the quiet, studious kid that surprised a lot of people with their admission to a top college. In most cases, kids will be happy for them. Or they may grumble a bit about the perceived “hook” that got a particular kid into an elite college. But that will happen regardless of t-shirt day.
Every day in high school someone’s feelings get hurt. If you believe that the selections for a team or play part is always fair and impartial and everyone agrees, think again. It is much more personal and painful to be passed over unfairly (in the kid’s opinion) in that way and see it for weeks on game day or in the stream of publicity for a show than to see that some kids are wearing t-shirts to a better college on one day. And, by the way, some kids start wearing their college gear as soon as they are accepted. For the ED kids, that could be back in December and some are wearing them to brag, but others as just another shirt in the drawer.
My view is that this is a hill which is being viewed by some as a mountain and some as a molehill.
Is there anybody here who thinks the kids who aren’t going to college should be forced to wear dunce caps on t-shirt day? I assume not. Is there anybody here who thinks all the students should be forbidden to mention to anybody, ever, where they are going to college? I assume not. If my assumptions are correct, we are talking about the proper balance point between recognized achievements and life stages vs. showing respect for the feelings of those who many not have as much reason to be happy about the next life stage.
My suggestion is that a school-sponsored event in which students feel pressure to participate is too far to one side of the balance.
A bit esoteric and perhaps not gemaine directly to the conversation about “T Shirt Day” but I found the following review quite interesting (the book sounds like a good read as well):
My cousin went to a small rural but still highly-college-prep private high school. I still remember going to her graduation, and the post-high school plans for each of the 18 (IIRC) graduates were read. Every single one of them was either going to a big-name private college or the honors program at a state flagship, except for one student who was going to be working toward getting his charter boat captain’s license, with an eye toward eventually taking over his father’s charter business. His accomplishments got the same amount of time and attention as everyone else’s, got the same amount of applause, and if anything got more admiration from the audience.
Basically, that school did it right.
But—it’s the sort of getting it right that you can do if you have 18 graduates. If you have 324 graduates, like my (rural, large for the area, public, didn’t send a lot of kids to college) high school did, then you can’t really do that. If you have 1,000 or more kids graduating, then it’s even harder. Not sure of the best way to do things in those cases, but if it’s the sort of school where college attendance is assumed, singling the chunk of people who aren’t going to college is IMO a very, very bad idea.
BTW, since it came up earlier in the thread, my school didn’t have a “letter of intent” day, even though we sent a couple handfuls of football and basketball and track (and one field hockey!) players to college on athletic scholarships, Then again, we didn’t have a “college t-shirt” day, either—like I said, not a lot of students going to college.
In France, there isn’t anything like it in large part because where the university-bound will go often remains undetermined for years. My d was given a conditional offer in a UK uni, but had to achieve certain results to gain admission, so didn’t know until July. Others enter competitions for spots in “grandes ecoles” by exam, often studying math intensively for a year or more. So no, the system is different.
I attended my oldest’s school’s graduation last night. I like to joke that it should be called Earlham College Prep (small school, everyone’s on a first-name basis, students are a very real part of school policymaking, discussion- and project-based classes are the norm…), and so I was curious to see how that translates into graduation ceremonies, and how the trumpeting of college plans and such happens in a place like that.
Not very much, it turns out. Basically, everyone comes in to their choice of music (in their choice of graduation gown color, some with designs painted on them!) and a slideshow of pictures they submitted, then whichever of the students who wish to give a short speech get to (about two-thirds did), then the diplomas are awarded. The only mention of academic achievements or future plans came in the district-mandated recognition of those students graduating with a 3.5 or above, and one student who mentioned where she’s going to college in her speech. No valedictory or salutatory speeches, no lists of colleges or such in the program—it just wasn’t in the air, the focus was on this very specific milestone in the kids’ lives.
Looking back at my east-coast high school where relatively few went to college, they made a big deal of college plans and such. That was largely to encourage more students to go to college—but it was also done at the high school down the road that really was very college-prep-oriented. Maybe things really are more chill in the west.
WOW. This entire thread is just political correctness gone mad. If your kids go to public school can’t they wear whatever shirts they want any time. I personally enjoy seeing where kids have chosen to attend college. At my sons school they celebrate sports signings and they have all of the awards for academics. Well the week of May 1 they have what they call academic signing. Students can wear their college shirts that day and immediately after school parents come and they have a small ceremony for all kids going on to college. The kids each come forward, announce their decision and what they intend to study. They then sign a certificate just as the kids who got sports scholarships did. It is not mandatory but the school wants to recognize that all academics are important not just sports signings and awards for the very smartest kids.
It was a great ceremony and very impressive to see the excitement on their faces and acknowledge their accomplishments since most of these kids will not be getting any other types of awards. It was very cool to see all of the different places kids chose to attend and all were celebrated equally even those wearing their community college shirts which they wore proudly.
Not letting your child go to school because kids are wearing college shirts may be the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.
Why should a school have a day where students wear their college gear? By not having one, it doesn’t really take away from the joy of the other students because it probably doesn’t matter THAT much to them. They have plenty of opportunities to be proud of what they accomplished, so they probably don’t need a specific school day to celebrate that. However, a day like that would almost definitely humiliate those that can’t go to college. A school shouldn’t really have a day like that unless its a school where 100% of the students are college bound (i.e private or magnet schools).
@bhs1978, my own issue isn’t with students wearing shirts or whatever showing where they’re going to college, it’s having a particular institutionally-sponsored day where that happens.
Of course, there may be cases where such is useful—for one example, a high school that doesn’t have a student body focused on college attendance, and so maybe it would be motivational for those on the edge—but at the sort of high-achieving and (often hyper)competitive schools a lot of the people on CC have kids at? It just becomes a chance to play pointless status games in that context.
I volunteered at the senior picnic on the last day of school (May 20) and all the kids wore their college t-shirts. To be honest, they all were VERY happy and excited about their choices. It was so nice to see this. It’s been three weeks since decision day and I believe these kids are all looking forward to what the future holds, not stewing because they didn’t get into their dream school.
@AlphaDragon, pardon my ignorance who are these kids who “can’t go to college”? Based on what I’ve seen from my D’s high school class, there is a LOT of cash available from private, institutional and gov’t sources for those financially strapped but qualified to start - and more importantly complete! - the bachelors degree . And the variety of college options has never been greater!! Are you talking about kids who choose to work full-time and/or enter a training program rather than do a conventional four year college? If so, those kids ought to be especially congratulated for their wisdom. Currently, about a third of all students matriculating in a four-year bachelors program will NEVER finish - they never should have gone that route in the first place. Think about it - after about five years who is farther ahead: the kid who took a full time job, receiving skill-specific training, maybe even attending cc at night and picking up an associate degree or a licensure, or the kid who failed to complete a bachelor’s program after incurring some debt? Because the latter example will need to start all over again on the other path and will have also lost a few years of income and skill-building.
It’s laughable to think that becoming an EMT or mechanic or maintenance crew member or construction worker is somehow “humiliating”. Give me a break - can any college graduate actually think of a time when the services of these individuals was NOT needed? I think with all the pressure to get our young people to college we tend to forget that the majority of knowledge and skills necessary to keep our civilization running smoothly does NOT require that route.
I know a couple kids graduating high school this year who are taking a gap year to care full-time for suddenly ailing parents or siblings. Fortunately, both of them have enough of a support network (both financial and social) that it’ll actually be a gap year and not a permanent deferral, but there are a lot of kids for whom the college dream deferred would nearly certainly turn into a college dream denied.
Also, in my state we have plenty of pockets of extreme poverty where the nearest colleges are several very expensive hours—hours by air!—away. Even affording just getting to college would be difficult at best for them, let alone attending.
Finally, I don’t think becoming an EMT &c. should be considered humiliating—but in many social circles it is. That necessitates a social change, and one I do think should be effected, but at some point we have to deal with the current reality, too.
@dfbdfb you bring up an interesting issue - one that I’m not sure exists other than in specific parts of the country where there are extremely poor communities living, say, off the coast of the mainland or in an extraordinarily rural area with no bus and little gas money. Hard to live at home and commute to school when “school” is 500 miles away! There is, of course, the larger issue of what has happened to small towns throughout the country when its young talent leaves for the “big city” and the accessible jobs and universities. However, the specific question is about what to do regarding "T Shirt Day’ when a kid can’t easily leave home (either due to large number of miles or expense, or both) but who is qualified to attend and graduate from college. The kid should obviously be encouraged to attend college and should receive advice on how to apply for federal and state aid, as well as outside need-based scholarships (clearly the indicated low level of income means that the student is going to qualify for all sorts of outside assistance). What might be difficult is the inability to save money by living at home or see his/her family more than once a year. In this latter regard the student’s situation is similar to that of an international student (thank goodness for Skype). In the former, the student will have to make sure that any requirement to live on campus is 100% met with aid OR attend a school where living frugally off campus is an option. Those choices are not unique to a low income student - or even a non-low-income student! Nor are they extraordinary or burdensome.
So the kid should get help with all that - and then choose to celebrate T Shirt Day as she/she sees fit.
@ Mamelot To clarify the ambiguity, I was talking about the students who can’t afford to go to college or the students who aren’t cut out for college. Although becoming an EMT or mechanic isn’t humiliating, it might look that way to some of the other students and teachers. There will be students and teachers on that college gear day that might think less of you for not going to college because that is the idea that a lot of society has(if you aren’t a college graduate, you’re not as smart as someone who is). That idea isn’t necessarily true, yet there are a lot of people that think like that.
oh, the privilege to have your kiddo attend a school where such a high percentage of HS grads are off to college is the norm…
My community is higher income middle class. But there’s a decent size swath of section 8 housing and those kids are full members of the HS community. I’d be seriously ticked off at HS admins or parents or students who just wanted to have a rah-rah day w/o regards to many members of our town who are frankly, just a few years or months from some of the worst neighborhoods in our country, and are simply glad their son/daughter didn’t get shot at during their HS days, much less get to choose from a handful of affordable colleges.
Hunt in post 181 mentions balance. Please don’t let your exuberance and desire to rightfully laud great achievements, alienate others in your community. This has nothing to do with political correctness – it’s about simple human kindness.
Oh my goodness, Section 8 housing? Cancel everything!!! T Shirt Day, Senior Awards Day and all the rest. Because we just don’t expect “those children” to have any plans beyond high school nor to achieve anything.
But do me a favor please and don’t let the “section 8 families” of MY privileged kid’s very privileged school know why you are canceling - because I think they’d be pretty PO’d about it. You see, their children DO have plans after high school and some of them - gasp! - even earned some academic and/or achievement awards the other night. These families didn’t seem to get the memo that Section 8 housing condemns your child to a life devoid of accomplishment and contribution.
Sometimes what we think is “simple human kindness” turns out to be quite patronizing and condescending.
@AlphaDragon, excepting some very unusual circumstances (parents lost their jobs after you received your financial aid notice but before the first tuition payment is due . . . ) there really are NO circumstances in which someone can’t afford to go to college. As I mentioned prior, the funds available for low income families are numerous. Perhaps someone can’t go to the first college of his/her choice - but there are many, many kids in that category - including my kid. For a variety of reasons, both financial, academic, or maybe just luck of the draw, kids don’t always end up at their preferred school. But that’s not the same thing as not being able to go at all. In the worst of circumstances you help out the family with a day job and attend school at night for awhile - and/or revise your FAFSA.
As for the kids who aren’t cut out for college, see my comments earlier. High schools who push the kids not cut out for college onto the college track do them a major disservice. I realize that we all want the best for this generation and perhaps it might seem disappointing that someone’s kid is going to “end up” as an EMT (not that we mind one bit when we actually require the services of an EMT . . . ) but that’s due to narrow minded ignorance of what it means to do meaningful work. And it sounds a bit bizarre. I’ve never heard of an instructor looking down on some child who is headed for a different path and I’ve had my kids in three high schools at this point (two of them private, the other a large suburban public which earned a “bronze” award recently from USNews). In fact, most of them seem preoccupied with getting everyone to graduate! And I don’t know any parents who would look down either - in fact, we know several families whose kids have chosen community college or vocational training and we know others whose kids got into MIT and Princeton. Is my community all that different from other communities in this country??? (We live in that backwater known as Minneapolis . . . ). Or is it the case that most of these T Shirt Day “problems” exist in the heads of a very few parents (who seem to be obsessed with class and probably other “differences”).
Nobody can’t afford college? Sure, I’ll buy that (with, like you said, some unusual exceptions). Nobody isn’t in a situation where college is an unmitigated good to be celebrated? Nope, there we might differ.
There are high schools in my state that have a near-zero or even actually-zero college completion rate for their graduates of the past decade and a half. It isn’t always due to poor K–12 preparation either—some of them come to college quite well prepared, and I know this because I’ve had a handful in my college classes—it’s a matter of cultural capital, expectations, role models, understanding the way the higher-ed system works, and the like. This is actually a tougher issue to fix than academic preparation (and I know I have no good ideas on how to solve the problem).
So please, nobody make the assumption that Section * housing or whatever other lower social class markers are an entirely financial thing. It goes rather a lot deeper than that.
@dfbdfb if college eligible kids who, I presume, actually WANT to go to college are not finishing than yes that speaks to a deeper and more difficult problem. Are they first gen’ers without the support and encouragement from their communities? You are correct that those cultural obstacles are very hard to break. Given the isolation that you alluded to earlier I can see where you are coming from (probably literally as well!). Again perhaps not the norm but real nonetheless.
But shouldn’t this situation actually be an argument FOR T Shirt Day? For those students, college prep takes on a particular importance - in some cases it will serve to encourage the families as well as the student. That is certainly the case at my D’s high school which typically does have quite a few first generation students. In fact, some of those parents didn’t even finish high school! The key is that those parents are also on board with the goal and the school and families work together as partners. You are correct that it involves more than strictly academic preparation.
Well, I was just talking about one specific generalization that doesn’t hold… Those schools often have graduating classes of 4 or 5 students—if people don’t know what someone’s post-high-school plans are, they haven’t been talking to anyone, I figure, and a T-shirt day won’t do anything one way or the other.