Not sure if it’s a North East phenomenon, or if this generation just doesn’t date anymore? Seems gone are the days of potentially meeting a partner at school. I have some thoughts on why, but curious of your take.
Not my generation - but it seems a lot of things happen via online today - and dating is a whole different world…if it’s even dating.
I’ve noticed this too @tumagmom - with my daughter as well as her friends. Not sure why.
Not zero (as in, some do date) but it’s less than one might expect, and often only on and off.
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That’s my experience with my two sons. Ds1 is married now so it worked out fine.
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I don’t know – but I do remember people asking the same question about my generation when I was in college (late '80s, early '90s). So … the more things change, etc.?
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Back in the day, we didn’t have tinder - or whatever people use today. Even in HS, there was more casual or “hooking up”. Maybe it’s the same as @Shelby_Balik says - maybe it’s just the social media and publication of things is different than 30 years ago…
My son is over 30 and got married in 2020. He never dated in high school or the first years of college. He had a big friend group and they did things together. He and his wife met on a junior year abroad. They were in the same program there, hanging out with a group when they discovered each other. Luckily for them their colleges were both in the Boston area so it was easy for them to stay together their senior year. We won’t talk about my other son, who also hung out in big groups, but over the years the group shrank and he never found anyone.
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It seems ironic to watch kids leave class looking at their phones instead of each other, then going back to their room to look online to meet someone!
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Your other son hasn’t met anyone “yet” lol. Everyone is on a different timeline ; )
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My daughter (and many others) go to sorority “date parties” and formals alone or bring a girlfriend. Hasn’t been on a single date in two years at school. HS was not like this at all. I think it’s so bizarre. And while I am biased, she is a beautiful, down to earth, fun, friendly smart girl (although maybe a little intimidating?) He mantra is “looking for a husband not a hook up” lol
I agree the online world they live in, has not done them any favors in learning to socialize and communicate!
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Both my college kids have dated/are dating right now. But they do seem to be the exception amongst their friends, rather than the rule.
i think phones are a big problem. it used to be if you were sitting in a classroom or dining hall alone, you would strike up a conversation with someone, or they might approach you. now people who are alone can just get on their phones so their is less incentive to strike up conversations.
i also know of many college kids who stay with their high school boyfriend/girlfriend long-distance. i guess maybe it helps them focus on school without the distraction of having to meet someone when they go out? I don;t know but it seems like there is more of this then when I was in college.
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That’s what a friend of mine says whose uncle found his someone when he was 50! But really I don’t see how it’s going to happen. He only leaves his apartment twice a week to go to his job and his work team is tiny. He used to play board games with people but when we suggested looking for a new group (the old group disappeared when friends left for other cities) he said that he doesn’t like making new friends.
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My son is a freshman, and has had two different steady girlfriends this year that he has introduced to the family (the one from earlier in the year is no longer a girlfriend, but they are still friends). But I don’t know how much dating is going on in general at his school.
I admit that I was relieved to see him start dating, because he did not date at all in HS! This is VERY different from my generation. 
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My sister set up her boss with my younger sisters when she was in her 40s and so was he. They fell in love and married and have been married for over a decade so sone folks do date and even marry later in life. H married me when he was in his 40s but he continued socializing.
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Our son complained about this in high school. There were a lot of group activities and friendships, but few real relationships. The parent cohort (especially dads) said they sent their children to boarding school for an education, not drama, and all of them would disperse to various and often far-flung colleges after graduation, so it didn’t make sense to invest in relationships that most likely wouldn’t persist. Our son did have a steady through those years, but they agreed to amicably break up as they went off to college, as expected.
The odds were against him at the academy with the 80/20 M/F ratio, and “cadating” was fraught with pitfalls due to the rules against dating anyone in your chain of command, and intra-company dating could be very awkward when/if the relationship went south. Again, he managed a relationship for a while, but it tanked badly when he was put in a position of authority over her during summer exercises. That’s a story for another time.
Once he graduated and moved to his post, he started looking seriously. He’s always been happiest in a relationship, and he wanted love and marriage. We talked often over the years about relationships, commitment, love, stability, marriage, children, responsibility, etc. All of these were important to him. He was never interested in hooking up.
I do think that technology and social media have changed how young people interact and find each other, and I do think it’s harder to make meaningful connections when the messages out there are so mixed and contradictory. I know that our son was open to meeting young women through online apps and did, but he preferred to meet them through friends or just chatting in whatever venue he happened to be in. For example, he dated his Starbucks barista for a while as well a young woman he met at Publix.
Some characteristics that helped him though–he isn’t shy, he isn’t afraid of rejection, and he wasn’t willing to settle. He just kept chatting and putting himself out there, dating a lot but never trying to make a relationship work that wasn’t right. Eventually, he met a young woman through friends who could go toe-to-toe with him, could handle his intensity with humor, and slipped easily into the rhythm of his military life but, more importantly, clearly loved and adored him. They dated for three years and married last summer. She is “The One.” And we love her, too.
I have noticed something about his military cohort – they are all in their 20s, and they are all married. They are a tight-knit community that works hard, plays together, and supports each other. But, they are all couples. I’m not sure what that dynamic is.
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My HS Junior son has not dated and has no interest in dating at HS. My college sophomore is the same. Has not dated. They are happy in their friend groups and busy with school. My husband and I were the same at school/college age, and we had fulfilling work lives and so were not looking for relationships. I met him when I was 28 at work! For our family, it seems to be a personality thing I guess!
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“He’s always been happiest in a relationship, and he wanted love and marriage. We talked often over the years about relationships, commitment, love, stability, marriage, children, responsibility, etc. All of these were important to him. He was never interested in hooking up.”
This is totally my daughter too. While she’s having fun with friends, gaining her independence and confidence and loving school, she is definitely one who wants marriage and children sooner than later!
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Another factor…if you watch old movies, people meet in the supermarket, the airport line, on the street. Usually with the male initiating. Nowadays that is considered harassment, sometimes rightly so, sometimes not. The problem with that behavior is that it was based on looks, but then again, so is tinder.
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My kids report that online dating is a cesspool. My adult son and college aged son would both like to find the right girl, but aren’t having much luck. My oldest thinks he’ll need to leave Los Angeles to meet a down to earth girl who wants to have a family. My son at Berkeley reports that it’s difficult to meet girls and the girls he does meet aren’t really interested in dating. They are both objectively attractive, so I don’t know why it’s so hard. My 24 year old daughter has kind of given up after some bad experiences and she says she’s working on herself and not looking for a boyfriend right now.
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