My S met his wife on a dating app, as well as a woman he dated in relationship he had before he met wife. Three of my nieces met their husbands on dating apps, as has my one nephew that is married. My neighbor met his wife through his sister. I think meeting a partner via online app is helpful to expand the potential dating pool. I don’t think S and wife had any mutual friends or contacts and their paths would likely never have crossed except for the online app.
It is true that phones have definitely reduced “chance meetings” more than before. I met my BFs in college & law school from living in the same dorm and eating in same dining hall.
One of the things our son was NOT interested in was a young woman who couldn’t put down her phone and hold up her end of an interesting, intelligent, lasting conversation. That eliminated or ended a lot of first dates for him. It’s not like he doesn’t have and use his own phone, but he’s pretty strict on where and how it fits into his life (mostly, it’s critical to his job), and he and we are not texters. He said once that he had to pass on one young woman based on her excessive use of emojis.
DH and I met in undergrad (during my first week, he was a junior on my hall), and it was the thunderbolt for both of us. Instant and intense, we never looked back. In his early years of dating, our son was looking for that same immediate two-way electricity, though we were clear that that type of connection is not common or necessary for a long lasting love. He kept wanting it and looking for it, though. I think looking for “magic” may have preempted some early opportunities. I’m glad that more and more movies and stories are less Cinderella-like and more Harry-and-Sally like.
I’m not sure it’s PC to talk about looks, but our son often complained that many of the more beautiful women he dated were just too high maintenance and fussy about things that don’t matter to him. Eventually, he’d invite the young woman on a run and notice if she showed up in makeup or fancy/coordinated athletic wear. Let’s just say that, over the years, we saw a distinctive change in the type of woman he was interested in.
I work primarily with high schoolers, but also college students. I know a LOT of teens and young adults. They are definitely still dating, but I do think there are a substantial number of young people who don’t particularly feel compelled to date.
My 27 year old met her ex bf in college junior year and dated for 7 years. My 25 year old met his current girlfriend at the college he graduated from (frat party after graduation) and have been dating for 3+ years. My 23 year old met her boyfriend at college orientation and they’ve been dating for 4+ years. They also all had long term relationships previously throughout high school . Actually my 25 year old had a girlfriend all through college, she dumped him right after graduation. ETA northeast for my kids and their SO’s.
My wife and I met when we were both out of college and belonged to a local rowing club: my 4+ and her single scull arrived on the dock at about the same time one afternoon; both of us were sweaty and physically whipped – not really the best look for either of us – but we hit it off while talking after getting our boats off the water; and the rest, as they say, was history. Interestingly, all the men in my 4+ ended up marrying other women in the rowing club; so there is something to say for getting involved in a club or activity if you want to meet a special someone!
I’m laughing at this. “Physically whipped” is an understatement. Our son and his HS GF were both rowers. You have to row to understand that burn, commaraderie, and those wrecked hands. Love your story.
Our son married the woman who could outrun him (no mean feat).
This is a good point, and in many ways I think it’s a good thing that students don’t feel their lives are incomplete if they aren’t dating at any given time. In my generation I feel there was more social pressure to be actively dating or to be paired up with a girlfriend / boyfriend.
That would be my DD😀. Very high maintenance, MIT grad, athletic (non of the guys she dated could keep up with her walking every day over 10 miles just for fun). She didn’t date in college because of the intensity of MIT and because she was involved in so many clubs that didn’t have time for anything serious. Funny thing she got matched on the dating app with her current boyfriend back then but didn’t have time to follow up on that. Years late they matched up again on the dating app on the opposite side of the country where they both moved for work.
I just finished watching a “Married at First Sight” where a couple met at the alter and actually knew one another from college. Have to say it appeared to be a great match.
I know a lot of young people view dating and social apps as reducing themselves to a product on a shelf, but there is no doubt that there are benefits. D met her current boyfriend on a dating app but dated quite a few people before that.
Off topic for a moment, but I will also give a shout out to BumbleBFF. When my D first moved to where she lives now, she had a boyfriend at the time. She wanted to meet other people and have her own friends. She met a lovely girl who she would probably say is her best friend in the place she now calls home.
I met H because he was in my Jaycee volleyball team. He was a member—my older brother pushed me to join a team as they needed more players, especially women.
My mother met her first husband via a very early form of computer dating in the 60s. I guess they had to fill out some questionnaires (or punch out?) and they got their results after the computer had a week or two to run its calculations. So it worked well enough for a relationship and marriage to result, though a divorce did end up happening.
My uncle (older than my mom) also met his wife via a computer dating program like the one my mom’s college did. I think they’ve now been married over 50 years.
Moving on to a more recent, though not too recent, example, my spouse and I met on match.com.
That said, all of us believe in talking to people, especially during meal time!
What is the difference between meeting someone at a bar and hitting it off … Vs. talking on a dating app, agreeing to meet each other for a first date at a bar, and then hitting it off?
I don’t understand all the angst and distrust with dating apps as a way to filter….
Also if you think your kids are sharing every aspect of their college dating or flirting or talking or interest…. Even if they are chatty…think again!
He met current gf last summer overseas while both were participating in a language immersion program. (They continued their relationship upon return to DC where they attend schools 25 minutes apart.) Neither use their phones much at all. And don’t do social media.
For me, the angst comes from seeing college students have negative experiences with dating apps, like getting ghosted, spending a lot of time on bad first dates, going on dates with people who live relatively far from campus, matching with people who just want to hook up, etc. For girls who spent high school thinking that it would be easier to date in college, it can be discouraging.
I’m not against dating apps in general. It obviously works out beautifully for millions of couples. I’m just kind of baffled by why you would go through an app if you live on a residential college campus. Maybe it’s easier for people who are introverted and/or shy, which is a good thing. My daughter says a lot of men on her campus are introverted, very serious about academics, and don’t date. Maybe she needs to learn to approach them and ask them to do things together! She says another tough thing about her college is the male/female ratio.
Most of DDs’ college friends dated in college. In DD’17’s suite, one had a HS BF, one had quite a variety of boys come around (not sure how they met), one did Tinder (and is still with one match years later), DD met a BF at her job. After that one, post-college, DD had good luck on Bumble- the second guy she did a date with she will be marrying in June.
Most of DD’19’s friends dated in college too. As far as I know, they met without apps. They were a group that got out there with a lot of activities like theatre, church groups, and swing dancing at a local bar, so that helped. DD started with HS BF, after that did 1 or 2 dates she met swing dancing, and then the boy from her freshman dorm floor who had been her best friend from the beginning, who she is engaged to now.
One nephew’s wife and one’s GF were met IRL at college. Three of my DS’s friends are getting married this year to HS sweethearts. My middle kid has mostly dated women he has met IRL while other kid has met SO on Hinge.
Even in my day, we didn’t officially date in college. You were “going out” or BF/GF but we mostly did stuff in groups or hung out in the dorms. Not too much going out as a couple to dinner, especially since we had no money or transportation to get off campus.
Hopefully teens still do group activities. Once texting got popular, my son had a lot of fun high school activities. There was a big co-ed group of friends, with ideas like - “if you want to see xyz movie with us, meet at the theater for the 8pm show”. It worked well, once we switched to unlimited text msgs.
