Maybe we need to get back to “arranged” partnerships? Ok, kidding, but here is a fun read on the subject: Aziz Ansari: Love, Online Dating, Modern Romance and the Internet (time.com)
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Here’s some interesting research on the bias in dating apps from the Harvard Gazette:
Still, dating sites are here to stay, said Williams, because they have become the modern version of traditional matchmaking. “People don’t meet romantic partners in the grocery store anymore,” she said. So her goal is not to discourage use but encourage transparency and awareness.
"Should the user break up with dating apps?” asked Williams. “I would say that the answer is no, but we should think about what they reflect to us. We should think about where our personal preferences come from, and ask if they’re neutral, or if they’re shaped by our larger culture.
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My ds has a high school buddy who got married a couple of years ago. To start their how-we-met story on their “The Knot,” wedding page the bride-to-be wrote, “We met in a bar…how very old-fashioned.”
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I know college kids who used dating apps and others who felt that if you needed an app at college, something was wrong with you. This seemed to depend a lot on where you were at school. Most of these kids used them when they graduated.
While I appreciate the objection that apps seem contrived, I always hated the idea that if I was in a bar, I must be looking for a mate (at least for the night.) And boy, rather than dealing with some creeps in real life, it sure would have been nice to swipe them away at the outset.
Several friends, both younger and older, have met their spouses this way. The young people I know seem happy to have a more serious GF or BF, but the process of finding them has evolved. And maybe it doesn’t involve as many bad first dates.
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All my daughters’ friends dated in college. In the past 2 years she’s gone to 4 weddings of friends who met in college. My older daughter met her now husband at a work retreat. But she didnt date much in college. My younger daughter did. Quire a bit. But she’s now dating someone she met on Hinge.
I remember parents bemoaning how kids didn’t date anymore 35 plus years ago when I was in college!
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I am more concerned with those who always have a BF or GF, whether through dating or not. Some just go from one to the other and cannot seem to stand alone. I think some are deciding on just that rather than using apps, and if the right person comes along in real life, great, and if not, great.
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I heard about this on a podcast and thought some might find it interesting.
Plenty of people seem to date at my D21’s school, including her. They meet in class or socially (so in person). Plenty are not into dating. It seems to be a personal preference whether they explore dating or not. They are the covid cohort who had at least one yr of HS with significantly reduced social opportunities compared to kids just 2 yrs older, so that may have made a big difference.
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I don’t have college kids yet, but D25 and her friends have not dated. Objectively, two of them are downright beautiful and they all are ride-or-die, sweet girls who are busy.
As someone who struggled to get and stay pregnant after age 30, I will say I am concerned if the new trend is smart and studious young women don’t date from age 16-23/24/25? That’s a good chunk of time to really figure out what you want in a relationship and a good chunk of your fertile years. Not required of course, but young women’s biological clocks are not really flexible and overlap with college years/early career years. And now we’re adding a new social phenomenon to it: lack of dating.
Of course, if my D25 was dating, I’d be worried about potential pregnancy, so you can’t win.
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Smart points @kirroyalemum.
When I see women on reality shows in their late 20’s and early 30’s talking about timelines for kids etc I find myself immediately hoping they’ve already talked with their doctors and are aware of decline in fertility rates (and freezing egg options).
Fertility rates don’t align with current dating and settling down trends. Which stinks. (Been there, done that. Hard years.)
I don’t want to veer off too much from OP’s post but I do see lots of connections.
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I was just reading this literature search summary article on pubmed. I am not sure egg freezing is really the ideal option yet. Maybe technology will be a bit better when current college freshmen are nearing the age when they would need to get serious about freezing.
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I do think it’s regional to some extent. My 17yr old son has had a girlfriend for the last year and my daughter dates often in college. But when we lived in Massachusetts no one in high school dated at all.
Personal opinion is that dating while young(ish) can be a positive because dating and relationships take some practice and I think it’s nice to date before getting into the serious commitment stages of life where you’re concerned about finances and fertility.
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My youngest met her H at volleyball! She loved playing in middle school/early high school, but never grew much after that so dropped out when it was obvious she wouldn’t ever make varsity. But after college, in a new town, she started going to a community volleyball meetup. Funny thing, they met, warmed up together, chatted a bit after the games, but then didn’t share contact information! However, later that night they found each other on Tinder and the rest is history!
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I think you put your finger on why I’m worried—it’s because I know that my daughters want to get married and have children. I am also very aware of how hard that can be if you start later due to biology. I think the political issues surrounding IVF have made me more concerned. Not that I want anyone to rush, settle, or date when they aren’t ready. Just being a worried mom!
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My daughter and I were just having this conversation. She’s 25 and we were discussing how really she has 10 years of fertility left, possibly more, but fertility rates plummet for first time pregnancies after 35. At her age I was married and pregnant. Had I not started that young, we wouldn’t have been able to have a big family. I think there’s a lot of heartache out there for millennials who are realizing they’ve missed the boat. Someone mentioned reality tv, and I’ve seen several storylines recently about women who are panicked they’ve waited too long. It’s a real concern.
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I also have 25 years old and at her age I was married with a four years old child. We just recently had a conversation about childbirth and the dangers of it the older women are.
I anticipate having a rather more complicated conversation with my daughter when she is in her 20s. I didn’t have my son (first child) until I was nearly 40, and my daughter was born when I was 42. In the end, this worked out fine for me. But I would not want my daughter to wait so long, for her own sake 
Well I’m hopeful if necessary that more couples - or singles - consider adoption.
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My D and I were just talking about adoption! She said she was concerned about all the kids out there who need families (I think she was talking about this with friends at school).
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The greatest gift of all… a home!
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