It’s super important to keep a positive attitude. Be positive about the schools (even about the laundry facilities- thats just a normal college experience) and the process. (even if you feel it is dreadful, don’t say it!) . She is almost done. Help her see the POSITIVES about the schools, not the negatives. Good luck.
I wonder if she just is too swamped with too many choices. She may not know where to begin to widdle down her list. Have you offered to sit down with her - go to a coffee shop or someplace comfortable where you can talk about each one, narrow down the choices.
Does she have a “top 3- 5” priority wants in terms of choosing a school? Like:
Academic field
Size
Access to a city
Great dorm rooms
Within a certain distance from home
Great rec center
It sort of sounds like she is looking for the ONE “perfect” place. There isn’t one of course. There are probably MANY which can work out!
She needs to know that the deadline date is just that - a deadline for both the student and the colleges.
My advice is to write down the name of reach college she was accepted to on a index card. Also write get a full time job on a card. You can throw in gap year with whatever parameters you want to place on it. Shuffle the cards and draw two and have her make a quick choice. Set aside the winner and loser into different piles. Then shuffle all the winners and keep going until you have one winner.
Good luck.
Brandeis is an academically strong university, the science/pre-med and economics/pre-law programs in particular have very high placement success rates. The kids could not be nicer there, very warm and inviting, students work together and there’s ample support from faculty. Class sizes are great, and course offerings equally great. Full disclosure, DD is a current junior, and I had to laugh when I read an earlier post about its distance to Boston, because I wish that DD wasn’t in Boston/Cambridge every weekend… adding Cambridge, because she’s quite social and enjoys going to Harvard and MIT parties when not shopping and eating in Boston, and when she has the time, loves Boston’s museums and concert scene. Brandeis has a free shuttle service that runs solidly Thur-Sun., and she’ll use that or pack friends into an Uber.
OP, wishing you and your daughter as much happiness at Brandeis (if she goes there), as we’ve had over these 3 years. It’s over in a blink of an eye, can’t believe mine will be considered a senior in a few weeks.
If she is worrying about too small and not enough class offerings, UMD - college park has my vote ; )
I don’t think the OP needs our advice about which school is “best.” I think the OP needs our support in dealing with an anxious senior who can’t make a decision. That’s the issue here.
And, time is running out.
OP: This will be over with, one way or another, very soon!
Big decisions are still hard for me so your daughter (and you) have my sympathy. Decision #1 seems: go to college or get a job, then #2 pick a school and give it a year and transfer if you want. No shame in transferring. Chances are, she will be happy where ever she chooses. I think you need to step back and tell her it will work out whatever SHE decides.
My kid waited until the very last minute, but in the end made a pick that fit like a glove.
Leave her alone she knows the deadline.
Had a similar situation, paid two deposits with the intention of losing one. Not ideal but it worked for us and gave her more time to figure it out- which she ultimately did after spending more time at the two schools. Good Luck!
OP, DON’T put down two deposits. That’s not permitted and can cost your D both spots.
Actually, told both schools who said as long as it was a short period of time, it was not a problem. They made sure I knew the deposit was not refundable. A week later she made her decision.
Thanks again, y’all! I’m feeling really woozy!!! Her counselor spoke to her today and told her tonight is the night; I sent her a lengthy text telling her no decision is the wrong decision; Gap Year is always an option but a pick needs to be made. After school today I took her for a snack but once she realized my MO, wanted to go home! She doesn’t want to talk to me, so, in the words of very wise CC’ers - I’m stepping away and praying she picks something before its too late!!!
And if she doesn’t pick something before it’s too late, she’s made her choice to take a gap year.
@VeryHappy - true, but not at my expense. I am so fed up and so envious of my friends who are all excited and celebrating and eager for the next phase in their kids’ lives! Never did I think I’d be here…!
@momo2x2018 What a tough position to be in! I feel your frustration coming through.
Is your daughter an avoider in general?
If she does not go to college next year, I have a feeling you’ll be having a miserable year at home. In trying to imagine how this would play out in my own family, I think I’d pick a school and send in a deposit at 11 pm. I might not even tell her. Mid-July when she starts freaking out that all her friends are going to college and she’s not, I’d tell her, oh, by the way, you have a place at BU/Brandeis/Emory/McGill.
Drum Roll Please…We have a decision…UMD! An interesting choice; she wanted UMD from the ‘get-go’ and was being bombarded with every body else’s opinions - as a pleaser, she avoided disappointing, by completely avoiding! - Fortunately, with your guidance, I had the presence of mind to recognize what might have been going on and told her (via text) the decision was hers, and hers alone. Of course, I secretly wish she’d picked a little further up the rankings, but its ok!
THANK YOU!!!
Wow, she made a decision!
I assume she got scholars or honors at UMD and likes the big school atmosphere, energy, sports, and not being too far from home. Plus, it’s probably cheaper for you 
and it’ll be easier for her to spend a semester abroad and take a summer internship in an expensive city.
Congratulations! Sounds like she has known this was her school, but was afraid of others’ reactions. Way to go, Mom! You survived - now don the sweatshirt and celebrate!
OK, as a result of all I’ve read here, I figured I would give my Seniors a last minute reminder before class yesterday that today was THE DAY… that deposits were absolutely due.
I got 2 interesting questions:
- Is that midnight on 4/31 or 5/1? OK, so I answered that if mom or dad got paid on 5/1, it was OK-- deposits are due by midnight tonight.
2… and this one is the kicker… “What if we haven’t applied yet?” My response… “To COLLEGE???” You’ve got to understand: I’m in a college prep Catholic school-- we have a College Placement office that’s on every kid to get stuff done well ahead of time. And I might mention that this is the same kid whose mom gave me 48 hours to get a scholarship letter written 2 weeks ago.
So my response was that, while some schools do have rolling admissions and might still be accepting kids, that was by far the rare exception-- everyone else should have a deposit in by today.
Gotta wonder what’s going on with him.
Not everyone has to go to college immediately after graduating high school. He could also attend community college or look at the list that comes out on May 1st with schools that still have space and are accepting applications now. There are usually very good colleges on the list. @bjkmom Sounds like he doesn’t have a lot of guidance or direction from home on this. Perhaps you can sit down with him and help him sort it out if he does in fact wish to go to college.