HELP! Four Weeks into Freshman YR @ Tulane and Doubting My Choice: Transfer?

Transfer Students
, ,
1

Hi All. I am a freshman at Tulane and moved in on August 13th. I am a female from the Boston area. Even though I am only shy of being here for four weeks, I am already miserable at what is supposed to be one of the happiest universities for students.

BACKGROUND!! In high school my goal was to play collegiate lacrosse. But I struggled with injuries throughout high school, was injured almost every season from bad luck so I pursued a PG Year at Phillips Exeter. Then the spring of my senior year my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer and I had to become her primary care taker. As a result of this, I missed a majority of my senior lacrosse season and was not able to play over the summer going into my PG year (my mom had multiple surgeries and I was her main care taker). The result of this was that I did not get recruited to a school for lacrosse. So the fall of my PG year I had to apply to colleges without being a lacrosse recruit, devastated. I scrambled in this process because I had never considered college without lacrosse and was unsure of what I wanted. I did my research on what I wanted and applied ED2 to Tulane and really did not consider many other schools. I applied to about five other schools than Tulane but was really all in on Tulane, I was successful in a majority of the other admissions though. At the time, it had everything I wanted in a school seemingly and I was also really drawn to the social aspects and the amount of partying because my biggest coping method within the last year or two had been drugs and alcohol, unfortunately. I thought that because I couldn’t play lacrosse, what else was I going to do as an outlet then to get wasted as much as possible. Unfortunately, this was my thinking. At the time I was not a whole person, emotionally and within my identity.

I ended up LOVING Exeter as I settled in. And falling in love with everything, I was extremely happy there and the happiest I had been in years. But since my arrival at Tulane, I have been full of doubts. Every single day I miss Exeter. I realize now that the person I was when I applied to Tulane is extremely different than the person I am now. Before you say that is rash, I seriously mean that I have changed more in the past year than I have in my entire life. I have undergone some pretty signifiant traumas and circumstances within the past four years. But in the past year I have really done the work to navigate my feelings and outlook on life. I think much of this is maturity and developing values/needs.

A big factor is making friends here that I feel are “my people.” I have made the effort to meet so so many people, and I am naturally extroverted. I have never struggled making friends. And I understand that it takes a while to find your people, I know that. However, because I have been so miserable here, while everyone else is extremely happy, it is hard to connect with others. Everyone seems far more excited to be here than I am. And that is really hard because I was very excited to be here, but as you can see I am setting in to a lot of doubts, which has instilled some very overwhelming feelings of sadness. Another BIG part of the social aspect is that I am not jewish, while 50% of the student body here is. I will not go into detail because I want to avoid anything offensive (I do not have any offensive thoughts- my point is that as the jewish community is very small, a lot of them knew each other going in to Tulane or had several mutual friends, and overall I do not have a lot in common with them as they do to other jewish students). I knew that there would be a large jewish population here but I did not expect that it would be such a large part of the school’s culture/social stuff.

Everyone is very excited about going out and partying, and I do not share the same excitement at all. I thought that I would/did but now that I am here and in the environment of it, I hate it. Yes I enjoy it on some level but not the degree of it that exists here.

Another big reason why I chose Tulane is because of their Legal Studies in Business major. Not a lot of other schools offer this major. I chose this major mainly based on the fact that I couldn’t decide if I wanted to do business or law, so why not do both (I have other reasons obviously but to sum it up). However, I am realizing many of the classes that I will be required to take to fulfill this major are not ones that I find myself enjoying at all. Yes, I understand that I will have to take classes throughout my college life that I will not like. But I am already not enjoying the Business classes that I am in. This is upsetting because it was a BIG factor of my decision and having these realizations is hard because now I am looking in to just become a History or some type of social studies major.

I have made the effort to go to all of the events, and join clubs as well. I have been trying very hard to immerse myself.

I feel out of place, I feel totally lost. I have cried everyday, and I am not someone who cries often. I think that I made an impulsive decision on being all in Tulane last fall. I do not think I am thinking rash now.

My thoughts are leading to transferring but I know that will be a hard and stressful process. I am interested in looking at NESCAC schools that will be similar to the experience of Exeter. When I was initially looking at colleges, I completely disregarded these schools because I wanted a big party school in the south, but obviously that has changed. Also, I wanted to be a business major, which those schools dont offer, but that has also changed. I am thinking that maybe if I were to transfer to a NESCAC school that I would be able to play on the lacrosse team there as well. (that would take some more configuring but I am playing on the club team here at Tulane so its not like I am going from not playing at all and those schools are D3 so its not a very high level). Being on a team is something that I dearly miss as it was my entire social life in high school. Not having that here at Tulane is very upsetting and I miss it dearly, along with playing lacrosse. Bowdoin is definitely my favorite school out of the small new England liberal arts colleges. BUT I know that it is EXTREMELY hard to get in there in general but ESPECIALLY as a transfer student. I am a great student with good Extracurriculars though and I feel as if I could create a great application. I know that the odds are extremely low though. My ideal situation would be to be on the lacrosse team at Bowdoin, I know that I would be really happy doing that. Again, I know the odds of that happening are low, but I do have some great connections that could help me.

Let me know your advice. Especially on the possibility of transferring to Bowdoin.

3 Likes
2

I know it’s hard, but the best advice is to give it time – at least a semester. What you’re going through is extremely common, especially when you go to college in a very different and unfamiliar part of the country (culture shock!), especially when you have left a school you love (but you have to leave high school, right?). It can be hard to find your people. It can be hard to find your place.

So, here are a few suggestions:

  • Is there an interfaith group you can join? That might expose you to a faith community that you feel comfortable with, or at least a more diverse group. (Tulane is not 50% Jewish, and it sounds like you’re reacting not so much against that faith community, but to their supposed insularity – but I have a feeling that you’re drawing wider conclusions from your interactions with a small group of people.) Often, interfaith groups might hold special events that allow people to meet and engage in serious conversation, or they might host meals, or they might sponsor community service efforts where you can meet like-minded people.

  • Is there a grief group or a support group for those who are dealing with situations like you have with your mom? (I get the sense from your post that your mom is still with us, which is great, so I didn’t mean to imply anything or draw conclusions). Or perhaps a group for those who are recovering from substance abuse? Either a chaplain or a counselor might be able to point you in the right direction here, or perhaps the interfaith center sponsors something.

  • Change your major! This sounds like a no-brainer, and such a common course of action among college students that it’s hardly worth mentioning. You’re at an academically outstanding school, so the good news is that you can’t go wrong here. Give yourself time to explore your interests. And, as a history professor, I can assure you that there’s no such thing as “just” a history major – it’s a great discipline that can prepare you for a wide range of careers. But right now, that’s not as important as the process of experimentation that could lead you to the major you want and for which you’re best suited. It’s often the most unexpected class that steers you in the right direction. And once you’re there, you might meet more compatible students who become friends. This early in the game, you don’t know what you don’t know about possible fields of interests, so try something completely new.

  • I know you’ve tried clubs, but take a look again at what’s out there. There must be some activities that appeal to the non-partiers who are surely at Tulane. And stick with club lacrosse – that sounds like something that has the potential to be fulfilling for you, even if it’s not varsity. And here’s something to consider - I can’t tell you your chances for transferring and walking onto a lacrosse team at a school like Bowdoin, though I sense they’d be pretty low. But those small LACs that have varsity lacrosse are probably not going to have club lacrosse, so club at Tulane may be your best chance to stay in the sport. (I’m no expert on this, though, so I might well be wrong.)

When students are experiencing strong doubts like you are, the best thing to do is to stick it out for a semester or two – often, it takes a little more time to find your people. Four weeks is not a long time at all. If you’re still miserable at the end of the semester, look into transfer applications. The deadline is usually considerably later than that for initial applications. But still don’t close the door on Tulane - by the time you have transfer admissions offers in hand, you might feel better about where you are.

19 Likes
3

Great advice from the above poster - I would add that it could be helpful to reach out to your past counselor at Philips Exeter to speak about your concerns and also potentially get assistance IF you decide to move forward with transfer apps. I am so sorry what you have been through with your mom at such a young age and I hope you have a relationship with a professional counselor to discuss your feelings and help take care of you.

8 Likes
4

Great advice overall by you but just to note that at Tulane no student even declares a major until their Sophomore year. So the OP may have gone into their freshman year with an intent to be in Legal/Business and they may have a class or two right now that is directed towards but there is officially no “changing” anything at this point. Today starts their 3rd week of classes and Add/Drop is still in play. If there’s certain classes they know they will hate and won’t work towards the curriculum they intend to follow - quick - change that into something that will! OP, you mention wanting to go in a different academic direction - but not what direction that is?

S23 is a Sophomore at Tulane and he is social but not a “partier”. My understanding from him is that there’s always something going on so that if someone were interested in partying 24x7 they could but there’s little social pressure to do so - partly because there’s always so much going on that “yeah, if I don’t make it to X tonight I’ll make it to some other event in a few days”.

OP - give more time to settle in. Worst case you still find yourself wanting to transfer at the end of the first year but transfer schools are going to take a good look at your Freshman college year so you’ll want to give in your best.

9 Likes
5

I don’t disagree with the general “its too soon” sentiment, but I also think you have well thought and good reasons to want to transfer. You can take the steps to transfer and still keep an open mind (and making the effort) about Tulane.

While I would be careful qualifying “those schools are D3 so its not a very high level…” (top D3 sports are extremely competitive) have you explored the recruiting route? Some coaches are able to recruit/support transfers. Expand your list to include UAA schools (Emory for example) Many offer the things you are looking for and take more transfers. You may also find you like some of the mid-west LACs.

1 Like
6

The NESCAC women’s lacrosse teams are extremely competitive with the top programs ranking above many well known D1 programs. Middlebury’s final Massey Rating was 38 in the country out of all schools and ahead of well known D1 lacrosse powers like Georgetown, Army, etc.

The UAA doesn’t support women’s lacrosse at the Varsity level but the Liberty League might be a good place to look. They have strong lacrosse programs and very good LACs like:
Vassar
Skidmore
Union
St. Lawrence
Hobart/William Smith
Bard
Ithaca

All very good schools with a generally easier transfer path relative to the NESCAC. The schools in the Centennial Conference might also provide options. As many others have said, it is early at Tulane but you seem to have a better idea of what you need now and if it is a LAC with a possibility of Lacrosse then work to find a fit.

5 Likes
7

Are you sure ?

According to the Hillel Guide to Colleges it is very close to 50%. The below Hillel website estimates that Tulane is composed of 44% jewish student population, but this estimate may be a bit low:

OP: @TonyGrace has offered solid advice to you.

The process of putting together transfer applications can be a very cathartic experience–and it should cause you to reevaluate your current situation and your options.

OP: Which specific business courses do you not like ? Any that you do like ?

Regardless, you need to get away from drugs & alcohol. A change in environment would be a responsible first step.

I understand your affinity for Exeter; a family member attended an equally elite boarding school and declined your dream school because it felt too small and like it would be repeating boarding school–but, family member had 4 years of boarding school and you had just one.

In order to transfer, your reasons for targeting a specific college or university are as important as your college grades, standardized test scores, in addition to your high school GPA/class rank.

P.S. Bowdoin College admits very few transfer students, but it is worth a try if it is your dream school.

Students who apply to Bowdoin College often apply to Brown,Middlebury, Dartmouth, Williams, Amherst, Wesleyan, Swarthmore, & Colby.

If you are a high stats person, Vanderbilt & Northwestern are transfer friendly schools.

Not sure, but Bucknell University, Colgate, and other Patriot League schools may be of interest to you.

Also, not sure of your readiness & talent level regarding lacrosse, but if you were recruitable except for an injury, you might want to contact the women’s lacrosse coach at any target school.

If a course such as accounting or other quantitative course is not enjoyable, then I think that you would like Northwestern University’s Legal Studies major as there are no required quant courses beyond distribution requirements (but entrance to this major at Northwestern is by application only as there are too many who want this major, but the class sizes are small and the working relationship with professors is intimate and demanding. NU’s Legal Studies is quite different than Tulane’s. the Legal Studies major is more like graduate school than undergrad as it requires a thesis and very close supervision by both faculty members and teaching assistants.

https://catalog.tulane.edu/business/legal-studies/legal-studies-major/

8

I got the impression that they have already done that and that is a big part of why they don’t quite see themselves at their current school.

2 Likes
9

As others said above, you are not correct in thinking D3 women’s lacrosse is levels below D1. Many of the players at Middlebury or Gettysburg could have picked a top D1 program but didn’t. I don’t think you will be picked up by the varsity team if you transfer to a NESCAC, and I doubt most have walk ons (might have a second club team).

There are schools where you can play lacrosse as a walk on but they usually aren’t strong teams. Do you have any video? Do you have stats from hs or a club? There are really good schools that have lax, and if the team isn’t that good they’ll want more players (walk ons). My daughter played on a team that was new to the school (D2). She took a chance on the team (but really liked the school) and it worked out for her. She played almost every minute of every game for 4 years, but of course that meant others got little or no playing time. The first year they lost a lot. The second year they were about 50/50 but were a lot better. Her third and fourth years they went to the NCAA tournament (and still didn’t win their conference because the NCAA winner was in their conference).

You can contact the coaches on the other schools you were accepted to and see if they’d let you walk on if you were to transfer. Unfortunately, really good lax players trying to get into top schools are in great supply. A girl I know was a top hs player, got in to BC and I think a scholarship, but only played about 15 min per year. On the team but there were others who were better. She stayed at BC but left the team after 2 years. It’s tough.

You said you are on the club team. That should be lots of fun and you will meet other students. Are you playing fall ball? My niece, who could have played D1 decided on a school with club, and she really liked it.

Are you committed to staying at Tulane for this year? Enjoy it, enjoy club lacrosse, enjoy other clubs. If you don’t like business law, change. Don’t try to make 100 friends, try to make 4-5. If lax hasn’t started yet, contact the coach or the team captain and introduce yourself. Find one positive thing every day. Good food, good dorm room, fun concert you wandered upon.

2 Likes
10

I’m seeing estimates that are more in the 30-40% range. So, still a significant population. And maybe it’s higher this year because Tulane has a reputation of being a friendly, welcoming place for Jewish students who are seeking to avoid the tense climate at campuses that are seeing lots of pro-Gaza protests.

1 Like
11

No, this is not new. I have been acquainted with Tulane for 50 years now. My best guess is that the 44% figure is low.

I do agree that interest in Tulane University as a safe and welcoming option will increase due to continued protest at many schools such as Columbia.

3 Likes
12

+1 for the advice to give it at least a semester. Seen this with my own kid as well as some of her friends. It’s HARD moving across the country with no one you know and sometimes it takes a while to find your tribe.

5 Likes
16

Definitely continue to make meeting people a priority, and getting into a select few clubs that really cater to your interests. Try to switch your focus away from your sadness (not easy, I know) and to actively saying hello to other people.

This might sound strange, but focus on the physical act of meeting others (responding to meeting invites, going to these meetings, etc.) instead of the emotional sadness of feeling out of place. Physical habits can improve mental well-being. Get exercise, get sun, get enough sleep, eat healthy. All campuses have a mix of people. It’s just not always easy to meet your people straight away. And usually, quality friendships take time to develop when everyone’s busy with school.

You have got this - just be kind to yourself, be patient, and don’t stop trying to meet new people each day.

1 Like
17

Unfortunately OP dropped the question and hasn’t been back since.

1 Like
18

Bowdoin transfer admissions stats for fall 2023:
Applied: 264
Accepted: 18
Enrolled: 11

For fall 2022:
Applied: 170
Accepted: 16
Enrolled: 8

For fall 2021:
Applied: 164
Accepted: 5
Enrolled: 2

19

Big hug. But you need to be realistic. None of us know anything about your connections to Bowdoin and how that might play out. On paper, your chances as a transfer are slim.

If this is true, you need to actively consider availing yourself of Tulane’s counseling resources. Things may look differently after you’ve done that. From my million mile away armchair (or, laptop), it sounds like Tulane may have been too big a culture shock for you after such an insular, prep school environment.

What were the schools?

6 Likes
20

Try to get a high GPA and be as involved as you can on campus this first year. If you are still feeling this way next semester I would apply for transfer. My daughter transferred and I think, on some level, she knew fairly early on it wasn’t a fit for her. Work with your Exeter counselor if possible or another counselor. Feel free to message me with any specific questions about transferring. It can be the right choice to transfer but I think you should give Tulane at least a semester before you decide to apply to leave.

1 Like
21

The best advice I ever heard on the subject of transferring is “wherever you go, there you are”.

OP, the downside of transferring is that most kids are already entrenched in their activities, EC’s, social groups, etc. So make sure you aren’t looking at transferring with rose colored glasses-- you’ll essentially be a freshman, surrounded by your peers who have already made the adjustment from HS to college while you are adjusting all over again.

Agree that seeking out a counselor could be a great and positive step for you. Not to poo-poo what you are feeling- but to give you actual and tangible tools for handling your situation.

Among kids that I’ve seen who have been downright miserable initially- the key for most of them has been immersing themselves in their academics. Whether or not you love every single course you are taking, every book you read, every lecture you attend is stretching you in some way. Every professor is considered a subject matter expert in a particular area- take advantage of that! Coming to terms with what college is and is not (is- a pretty self-directed “it’s here for the taking” intellectual experience. Is not- a very expensive Disney World but with dorms instead of hotels) will help you figure out if you can make Tulane work for you. And will certainly help you identify a couple of schools where you can get admitted and which might be a better fit if you decide to go that way.

Good luck.

5 Likes
22

This topic was automatically closed 180 days after the last reply. If you’d like to reply, please flag the thread for moderator attention.