High school is the last stage of life where so many kids are all doing the same thing (i.e. being in school, planning on college), so it’s possible to compare them by common benchmarks (GPA, scores). After that, there is just simply too much diversity of life and educational goals to make simplistic direct comparisons among young people. Furthermore, the high school score superstar does not necessarily become the superstar adult. We all know that. So just relax and watch your kid run his/her own race. In a couple of years it won’t matter at all.
Shame on all of you for these comparisons of your kids with other parents’ kids. Seriously. Shame on you. Pathetic you need to keep score or that you pat yourself on the back because your kid’s GPA is higher or they go to a “better” high school or have a “better” choice of colleges. I am as happy about my friends’ kids who go to Kansas and Northern Illinois as I am about those who go to Bowdoin and Penn and Princeton.
"My point exactly. I avoid it but others can bring it up that how come your kids don’t have time and ours does. " - Ignore any comments / questions of this nature, like you had a temporary hearing problem. There is nobody out there who can force an answer out of you.
In terms of lunch period, that’s the way the schedule worked out with two sciences, both requiring labs that bled into the following periods (a quirk of our scheduling). Not the only kid who doesn’t get to eat in the cafeteria - all the teachers around lunchtime are used to at least a couple kids eating in class. She eats in Spanish because eating in Chem lab is a bad idea. 
Am I the only one here without the jealousy gene? I never compare my kids to others, am happy if someone else’s child is smarter and more accomplished. I will applaud their successes and empathize with their failures. Please stop by if you wish to discuss kids. I will openly share anything you want to know about mine and will not be judgmental about yours.
Maybe it comes from our refusal to goad our kids into the academic arms race. S2 will take the SAT and ACT exactly once, no tutor, no prep class, same as his two college siblings. ECs are what he has chosen to do. We want them to go out and live an authentic life and be happy, nothing else. We hope the same for yours.
^^ @Magnetron I hope it’s not a gene, I hope jealousy is learned behavior, because then it can be unlearned. Un-gened is a LOT harder 
@Pizzagirl what did I miss-is anyone being jealous on this thread, or is that directed towards the people the OP is talking about?
56/59 are the posts I’m responding to.
Perspective sometimes helps. There is a kid in my neighborhood who is both intellectually gifted and has a profound physical disability due to CP. Kids were incredibly sensitive to his needs- parents less so, but learned to be from their kids. Why didn’t he have as much time as everyone else? Well, physical therapy. Speech therapy. OT, doctors appointments, a clinical trial being conducted in a city which required travel time plus a night’s stay.
It helped put a lot of the HS frenzy into perspective. It was really tough to complain about how tired your kid is after a day of honors classes, SAT tutoring, sports EC’s, and an early evening flute lesson when you see a peer spending half of his waking hours just maintaining enough muscular flexibility to hold his head upright so he can eat. Brilliant kid with a wicked sense of humor-- and incredibly outgoing and social.
But hard to feel sorry for your own kids “burdens”.
OP- get some perspective and stay there. Any kid who doesn’t want the time crunch of a tough curriculum can drop honors bio and take regular bio.
Problem solved.
I find that I can often deflect conversations that are heading toward scores, where will he apply, and “how selective is that summer program anyway” by steering things toward more emotion-based or practical topics. For example, mentioning how much I’ll miss him for 6 weeks this summer, how fast high school is going, and/or independence skills like doing laundry.
However, with a junior, there are some parents of seniors who are really good resources for information about classes available to seniors at the local colleges, how the school deals with LoRs, etc. So, I’m willing to talk about where he’ll apply in a conversation that includes information sharing on both sides. Most of these are the parents of his friends, so a lot more natural that some other parent asking questions out of the blue.
I am with Magnetron. I am not jealous of others with kids that get into some selective schools. I think it’s awesome and feel their kids must have worked hard and are bright. I don’t think there are any slackers getting in to the tippy top schools. My son won’t be attending an Ivy or super selective school. He just wasn’t worried about studying all of the time and thus has ended up with basically an A- average in everything, and a decent but not awesome Act score. He’s had a great time in school with friends, played sports, joined a few clubs, played some video games and went to movies etc. Totally normal kid. He knows there are some super smart kids that are gunning for the top schools. We live near a few of those schools and he wasn’t overly impressed with them when we showed him anyway, ha. 
He’ll be fine at many other worthy colleges.
We talk about school choices often as he has friends being recruited for several sports. It’s fun to see where his friends are going to apply and get their insights. I like hearing what their parents say too.
It’s all fun, no jealousy here!
But then you can’t hold it over your friends’ heads, blossom. And what fun is that?
I must live in a bubble, because I’ve not encountered this where we live. No one asks about grades, SAT scores, etc. We do talk about our kids’ interests and generally follow each family’s college admissions journey. But there is no jealousy and everyone is very supportive of each other and freely shares information.
If you have family friends with whom you’ve discussed all aspects of your kids’ lives as they grow up, it’s not so easy to drop the Cone of Silence on them when college admissions time arrives. I think you have to be as kind and diplomatic as possible, whether it involves withholding information or sharing it in a palatable form.
We didn’t have too many people ask us how we paid, but there were a few who, when they heard where our kids were going, said, “You must be rich.” My reply to this was: “Not anymore.”
That’s a great reply Hunt and I’m going to have to use it.
The 2 schools my kids would like to attend will end up costing us $500,000 in cash. That is so crazy I don’t like to even think about it. However we have friends in a similar situation so we.'ll just share our sorrow and ramen noodle dinners with them and we’ll get through it.
@Hunt “not anymore”, that’s awesome. Totally stealing it 
@itsgettingreal17 , exactly. In our district, the vast majority of kids have all been in school together literally since kindergarten. My kids knew every single kid in their year by the time they were in fourth grade. By middle school, it’s general knowledge that “so and so is smart, he is an athlete, she is into science, etc…” By the time they have become seniors, it isn’t that anyone is sharing info, but in a district like this, you can’t hide the fact that Timmy did 6 APs and Susie did one. They all know. But they also aren’t competitive, and I guess that isn’t usual for a lot of schools. They all have a social media page (shhh, they don’t know the parents know about it) and the kid who says he is going to USC got the same amount of likes and congrats as the kid who is going to the college no one has heard of. And yes, we parents do talk, but it’s generally about the kids in our kids’ friend group. And it isn’t nasty, it’s supportive. Really.
I am an open book kind of person, as are my kids. It truly doesn’t bother me at all. Kids scores and performance are what they are. Most of S17’s friends go to the same test prep place, have study groups together etc. They share their scores with each other. It’s a cause for celebration for some and commiseration for others. Perhaps if my child was upset or felt jealous that would be one thing but he doesn’t seem to be. Then again we aren’t targeting selective schools so there is little to no pressure other than chasing a bit of merit. For those kids that are chasing that, if parents want to brag, they certainly can but I can honestly say we’ve not experienced it from either the parents or the kids. Generally a humble lovely group.
That said, I have never had anyone ask about finances. We’ve put one through private, one currently in OOS and 2 more to follow. There might be an “ouch” comment (which I agree with) but actually asking how we plan to pay for it? No. Perhaps it is self evident that we planned appropriately or maybe our friends and family just have more tact.
Now. D1 soccer recruiting…that was a totally different story and we hated it. Much of what I am reading here reminds me of that time. Humble and tactful was not part of that game at all with many parents. Not so much the kids but some parents were really awful and the whole “game” of it was awful.
I agree about mainly being an open book. When friends ask, I don’t think that they are comparing/competing; they are just trying to show interest or figure out how to deal with the college search.
I never lead with information on scores, grades, merit aid etc., but I respond to just about any question when asked. Perhaps if we had different competitive friends, I would feel differently. People are overwhelmed with the college search. If I can help in any way, I’m glad to help.
In the past, people who have shared admission results, merit aid results, and their kid’s stats have been tremendously helpful to our family. I try to pay it forward / pay it back by being open.
I just choose to think that anyone who asks/gives information is looking for help or trying to be helpful. If they are “competing” if doesn’t affect me in the slightest.
Just remain quiet and nod or be genuinely happy for other proud parents. I know that I always remembered the people who took the time to ask about my child, vs. talk only about their own and what good feelings they created. Academic rigor is most important and good study habits are hard to develop during college. Their kids will find out eventually, if they end up in tough academic pursuits. These people are only focused on themselves and one-upping the next parent, so maybe try finding another crowd. You need some friends or family who are humble and good listeners. Developing thick skin is important in every aspect of life.
I’m having one of those “duh” moments where I just realized my mother in law (of over 23 years) is a very jealous person. I could never understand why she would immediately bring up an accomplishment that someone else in the family had done if we told her about something the girls or we had done. It’s been a sort of running joke in the family that “don’t tell Grandma because she’s always got something better up her sleeve”. It never occurred to me until now that she would be jealous of her own family, but I can’t figure out why else the rampaging one-upsmanship occurs.
It’s a problem right now because I had (stupidly!!!) mentioned Auburn for computer science for our daughter, and Grandma went and talked it up to our daughter’s cousin (who is the same age and also a girl in comp sci), and now Grandma is proudly reporting that the cousin is planning on applying to Auburn in the same major. We’re trying to keep this info from D, because if she finds out, she won’t apply there and have to suffer through Grandma bragging on the cousin constantly (she already brags on the cousin like the kid is her grandchild). It sucks!