OP, have you considered trying to find a club/organization that you are interested in? I took a quick look at Alabama’s organization list and there seem to be several sorrounding more progressive causes as well as several women in stem ones.
Yes, I’m in a few. I’m trying to join more, but now time is a limiting factor so I don’t have time for many more unfortunately.
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That’s great that you’re already involved in a few! It’s definitely tough to balance everything.
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Say, if at any point (now or in the future) you want to leave a school review where future NMFs are likely to read it, you could consider posting on this thread that gives detailed descriptions of the schools that give Big Merit for NMFs:
Big merit NMF/NMSF schools and their specialties
Best wishes!
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I’m not a moderator, but I feel like we’ve hit a bit of a back and forth dead end on the politics conversation, so if there’s something new to add, great, if not I think I’ll just end up responding the same thing over and over and it’s not really the point of my post. Maybe my perception of campus politics is not accurate, but it is accurate for the general population I have interacted with thus far (on average). I will make more of an effort to seek out differently-minded people! But arguing over how conservative campus really is doesn’t seem to be going anywhere, unless someone finds new resources or organizations or something.
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Don’t let anyone dimnish your experiences. They are valid and unless they are in your shoes, someone cannot say otherwise.
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Reminder that this is not the PF, nor the cafe, and debate is not permitted. This post is about THIS student’s experiences. Please stay on topic.
Thank you in advance!
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I know you mentioned going to the gym and taking classes there, but have you thought about joining an intramural team? Whether it’s softball or basketball or dodgeball (you’re a small target!) or whatever, it could be another way of hanging out with people who are going to meet on a regular basis and stick around (where that isn’t always the case with some clubs).
Previously you mentioned doing music in high school, have you thought about joining a music ensemble (whether a less formal group that meets only 1-2x/week or a garage band or just folks who want to play Rock Band on a gaming system)?
In rereading (I keep doing that!), it sounds as though you’ve had a pretty narrow idea of what your future friends might be like. Broaden your vision!
What if they’re not as academically focused on keeping a 4.0 or as close to it as possible, but they’re passionate about volunteering with students with disabilities and don’t mind if their GPA is closer to a 3.0 than a 4.0? If they’re nice and you have a similar sense of humor and enjoy doing things together, so what? Same thing if the person happens to be male. Males and females can certainly be platonic friends.
In terms of being interested in STEM…what happens if they change their mind? Maybe they start off as pre-med but then realize they’d rather do public policy or music or whatever. Would you stop being friends with them? If not, then why eliminate non-STEM people from the get-go? Moreover, sometimes it’s really healthy to be around people with other interests. Topics of conversation are more varied, and there’s no (or minimal) unacknowledged competition about who got the better grade or award or whatever. So yes, have STEM friends, but then you might purposefully want some non-STEM friends.
Additionally, many of your sorority sisters come from the north, west, or Chicago. Looking at some of the schools you applied to (Lehigh, Stony Brook, Amherst, Dartmouth, Swarthmore)…these other schools would have been even more filled with them. I’ll tell you a secret: some of my favorite people in the world live in several of those areas of the country. They won’t bite. 
Anyway, just wanted to throw this out there in case it helped loosen some shackles that were keeping you chained to a certain idea of what your friends would be like.
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If you can’t already tell, @elise123 , we are all rooting for you!!
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I am not only rooting for Elise-- I am waiting to see what she does next!
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Thank you so much for sharing your experiences, @elise123 ! As the mother of a NMF who is seriously considering Alabama, these kinds of insights are SO helpful to us.
I’m sorry to hear that your experience hasn’t turned out how you’ve hoped (yet!), but I’m rooting for you. It sounds like you have a great head on your shoulders, and I know you’ll eventually meet some great people and carve a path for yourself there! Please keep us posted!
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Feel free to PM me if you have any specific questions!
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Elise, so many bases already covered but I just want to share some thoughts –
a) this sounds really tough. I think you went into Bama bravely, knowing it wasn’t exactly what you’d dreamed of but was the best deal for your family. Despite it not being your “dream school” (a concept most of us are trying to downplay, but it exists for so many kids), it sounds like you have tried hard to fit in and make the most of the experience and are feeling like you have a slog ahead of you.
b) you’re doing a lot of the right things – exercising, keeping up your piano lessons, getting as much as you can out of the academics, etc.
c) I really hope your close friend doesn’t transfer. That said, I honestly believe you’ll find your people at Bama eventually. When I was in undergrad, it took me until junior year to find good female friends. I had a starter set but they were not awesome. I felt like a fish out of water (in my case, I was kid on big financial aid from a public high school in NC going to an Ivy where the majority of students were full-pay and seemed both smarter and more sophisticated than I was.) I eventually bonded with women who’d grown up in Alaska. They were refreshingly honest and fearless and seemed oblivious to some of the social stuff that I’d been reacting against. I also found close friends in orchestra (just a couple, but it’s all you need) and through my off-campus non-profit work. This is what I was going to second – all the recommendations to start finding meaningful co-curricular work/research opportunities where you’re interacting with grad students, health care professionals, adults. You’ll feel so much more grounded and mission-oriented AND it will help you on your career discernment path. The Greek stuff sounds like a distraction and if you don’t love your house and haven’t found your people there, slipping out the metaphorical side door and liberating yourself from those social obligations sounds like a good idea as well.
Hang in there. You’ll be okay.
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Just want to add to this. When my D19 came home from thanksgiving break in freshman year, she was pretty unhappy and the whole conversation was around transferring etc.it I didn’t get better for a while because covid arrived and put a spoke in the wheel, but once they were properly back in class and back in dorms she formed new, durable friendships (now all graduated and still sharing an apartment with some of these). 3 of these were variously met in the dorm, in class, and in the pizza restaurant they both worked at part time near the school. I say this to point out that friends might not always be where you expect. I hope it gets better for you and want to also emphasize what another poster said - your experience/perception is totally valid for you. Good luck.
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Why do you want to be part of that system? I was an engineering major at UT-Austin, which has a HUGE Greek scene. My roommate was in one of the “good” sororities, and her project was to make me over. Ha, that did not go well.
A mother offered to “sponsor me” to get into a sorority. It was kind of obvious that they just wanted to increase their average GPA, and I said no thank you.
I found it entertaining to watch all the drama the sorority girls in my dorm went through. What a waste of time. I did not suffer AT ALL by being independent. You do not need to win any elections in college - future employers could not care less. It would be better to focus on getting internships or doing research on campus.
Back in the dark ages, there were very few women in my classes. So I made friends with the guys - they don’t bite! I made lifelong friends. Then I met my future husband. 
I’m sorry you’re having such a rough time socially. But it sounds like you’re getting an excellent education. I hope you can find volunteer opportunities and meet some like-minded people.
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I’m not sure my post is even worth it since our daughter won’t be entering college until Fall ’26
That said, you appear to be a very kind, caring and mature person.
If it was my daughter, I’d absolutely recommend swapping sorority time for club/activities time. It would seem to me to be closer to finding ‘things in common’ with people of similar interests than a ‘sorority’ label. Then again, I could be completely wrong.
That said, life is often about adjusting and adapting to any new environment outside of one’s own comfort zone. There’s often discomfort at first for all of us at any age doing this.
As far as the demeaning language issues, if there are ‘pockets’ of places where this exists most, obviously try to avoid them.
Keep up the great work with the relationships with your professors and exercise!
It only takes one new relationship that can help spawn others!
I wish you all the best in trying to determine what’s best for you.
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That’s great, but how about some non-academic clubs? It could be something you already like and/or something new to try - badminton, rock climbing, pottery (there is a Crimson K-9 Club!), an intramural sport.
Every kid I know who enjoyed their college experience was involved. Many joined a lot of clubs to start, figured out which people they clicked with, which clubs worked with their schedule, etc.
And, in general, try not to have too many expectations- college is going to be like X and the students are going to be like Y, I am going to feel like Z, etc. Don’t force it (whatever “it” is) and give yourself time.
It is a big school - you will find your people.
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To me, this is the most concerning part of this entire thread. College is about growth. If uncomfortable, then consider transferring if financially feasible (transfers are typically eligible for need based financial aid).
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I would say that her growth (no matter what school she attends) is managing her expectations and preconceived ideas.
It will come from not judging someone based on the their GPA or where they are from.
It will come from meeting new people from different backgrounds, cultures, and interests.
It will come from being open to getting to know people, being open to new experiences, and learning she is comfortable around a variety of people, personalities, and situations.
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