We have one or two people in the family who are terrible, horrible, no-good cooks. Always have been, always will be. Unfortunately, they’re also people who are wonderful, sweet people who like to host often. How to eat at their house is always a challenge. We’ve done a combination of what two others have posted. Some of the time we just eat a huge meal beforehand and then just push our food around the plate at the subsequent “dinner” (really, this has to be put in quotation marks because some of the stuff served is so bad it really can’t be called food.) Other times - like for holiday meals or birthday celebrations - we’ll make sure to be good guests who chip in with the meals by providing several dishes that we bring. We’ve eaten several Thanksgivings over the years where the only edible food was the mashed potatoes and broccoli we brought.
There really is no long term resolution because most of the time long term terrible cooks who insist on cooking and serving others are also people who have no sense of taste and who can’t tell the difference between good food and bad. People who know they are terrible cooks don’t want to serve their disasters to others so they come up with solutions over time (mastering a few simple dishes and only serving those, getting takeout); it’s only the people who can’t tell how awful their cooking is that allow or want to make their friends eat it.
On the bright side, think of all the interesting stories you’ll have to tell! My terrible cooking family members have provided hours of entertainment for the rest of us that love and eat with them. We have cherished memories of the time X served spaghetti with ketchup or when Y hosted a shower and served something that none of the guests could recognize. A friend finally mustered the courage to whisper timidly, “Is that cat food?” Discreet inquiry determined that it was not cat food but instead was the leftover chopped liver appetizer Y brought home from a restaurant meal two weeks ago so had crusted and coagulated in all sorts of new and exciting ways reminiscent of cat food… Good times, people. You may not be laughing now but you will at some point… :((
I introduced this question among a group of people in Romania. A very quick consensus was reached; they spend all that time but they cannot speak honestly? - they are not friends.
Has anyone gotten sick after eating one of these meals ?
Another social idea might be to hire a guest chef for your next get together. Our next door neighbors did so, and it allowed for more conversation among the guests. Hopefully, your host will be intrigued & get a recipe or two from the chef.
I was thinking the same thing @MomOutWest …but what do they do if they go out to dinner, or to another event? They spend a lot of time with these friends. This is a tough one.
I don’t think not being able to talk about someone’s bad cooking does NOT mean they aren’t your friends.
I guess I would do a few things. I would start suggesting that you want to eat out more. Be proactive and tell your friends you are going to xxx restaurant and do they want to join you. If she’s says “why don’t you come over”, just tell her another time, you really want to go to the restaurant. Do this a lot.
You are not going to be able to avoid going to their house for dinner. I would continue to do what you’ve been doing…eat beforehand. I’d also bring an appetizer and side dish. Just move your stuff around. If you can tell the meat is undercooked, don’t be hesitant to just ask if you cook pop yours in the microwave a bit, you like your chicken a little more “dry”. I think since you are good friends, this isn’t being insulting and sparing her feelings.
Continue to push going out more often and resist the invitation to their house at least 50% of the time. After awhile when you invite them to a restaurant or your house, she will quit arguing about it, because you don’t cave.
I guess I wouldn’t take the risk of insulting her cooking for the sake of her feelings and friendship. It’s just not worth it to me.
Think there has been a lot of good suggestions by other posters. My thought is I just don’t get how the habit was formed that every other weekend you have dinner at the same house. No matter how close of friends you are I just find that odd. Wouldn’t you switch it up by reciprocating and having them at your home or as many have suggested going out every other week-end? That would solve the issue to some extent.
Putting the food issue aside I just don’t think we would ever find ourselves at the same home every other Saturday night. That would get old to me. While we might see the same friends that often we mix it up by doing different things together.
Is the purpose of going to their home to play cards or some other shared interest?
If these are dear friends, there is no way to avoid having dinner at their house without being honest. The couple we spend the most time with, while not horrible cooks, just don’t cook what and how we do. They grill meat until it is shoe leather, use no seasoning what so ever, and my husband does the dishes!! While I always offer to bring a dish, it is usually a salad she will allow. While I always volunteer to host, after many dinners, my friend wants to have us to her house, and I understand.
My vote is tell your friend the truth, but tread lightly. The only other thing I thought of, is if this is just her main dish, and her vegetables and starch are fine, maybe explain that either you or your husband have become very picky about your protein, and while you would love to have dinner at her home, maybe you could make the main dish while she prepares the rest of the dinner.
Or, just say you would prefer to eat at a restaurant so you can have more time to socialize and not worry about preparing a meal. My parents have dinner with a couple regularly and they have a nice set up. They either eat dinner out and then return to one of the homes for dessert, or start with drinks and appetizers at one home, and then head to dinner. This allows one couple to host, but not a full meal, and allows them time to be together.
For several reasons, going out isn’t always the solution.
About that good friend who openly complains. She’s a very good cook and vested in it, always clipping recipes, entertains often, etc. I recently brought the main dish, an ethnic stew (she requested this, gave me a historical recipe,) and knew it would taste plain since the only spices were salt and pepper. I offered to bring it early, so we could adjust the seasoning together. I was surprised when she said she never adapts a recipe to taste, just follows it as is.
Maybe OP’s friend does similar, thinks her 10 min/lb or (or whatever) is all it takes. (And misses any temperature instructions.)
I can’t see thinking you have a friendship going if you continually push the food around. Losing the friends because you’re afrad to say, discretely, that yours in underdone, doesn’t make sense to me.
It’s not insulting, if done nicely.
I also wonder if she has a meat thermometer. You could gift her a digital (they’re inexpensive.)
Two very different issues here: one is the OP’s disapproval of food that is non-organic, canned, and cheap. The second is the undercooked chicken.
What struck me is that OP mentioned the more dangerous issue as a side note, buried among complaints about taste and quality. Was the undercooked chicken a one-time thing while the other concerns are ongoing? Putting aside the undercooked chicken issue, the OP’s complaint sounds more like a simple matter of two couples whose tastes have gone in different directions. OP and her husband have become more picky while her friends are going the other way (letting go of pickiness perhaps).
You don’t eat undercooked chicken and you don’t let other people eat it. If the friend is serving this repeatedly, then call it out the next time it happens and insist on getting takeout or taking them out to eat. Don’t be disapproving. Make it clear that this happens to everyone occasionally (relating a similar embarrassment once you suffered would kind). Regardless of health issues, since you no longer like her cooking you are going to have to find a new way of spending time with your friends.
IME of bad cooks, they know they are bad cooks, mostly because bad cooks are merely too lazy to care (and good fro you, those people, cooking is work). Bad cooks who are just unimaginative or cook awful school dinner type food don’t put you at risk, usually overcooking is their issue. So the first type don’t want to cook at all, and will be happy for an intervention. Even type 2 will be happy with alternatives to their sweat equity.
While I agree that this sudden loss of cooking skills could signal dementia, could I also suggest, based on personal experience, that she may be a little rusty in the kitchen.
When I was cooking dinner every night, there were a lot of things that were second nature and intuitive. I find that now, I am having to consult cookbooks, trying to remember exactly which stove top setting I prefer for each dish, etc. I noticed that my mother recently got very nervous about cooking a meal that showed up weekly in our childhood repetoire.
Which is all to say that she may be using you, and relatively simple recipes, to maintain her culinary skills. Clearly unsuccessfully. I really like the ideas above about giftin her with helpful tools and attending cooking classes together. Both might improve performance!
A very good friend of mine (30+ years friendship) is also not a good cook. She likes to make healthy food (turkey burger or meatless burger), she would chop up salad to little tinny pieces, or blended nuts with something. I am good enough friends with her that I’ll tell her not to use any fake meat when I am coming over. She and her H make fun of me that the only time they have red meat is when I am over. I like my meat a bit red, but I have a friend who likes it cooked until you could bounce it off the floor, so I would cook her meat a bit longer.
If you are having dinner with this friend that often, there is nothing wrong to let them know how you like your food - well cooked with sauce on the side.
I am also curious to know if they clean their plates because the food doesn’t sound very edible.
My FIL used to marinate raw meat, and then pour the marinade over the cooked meat later. I tried to talk to him about the dangers of that but he “doesn’t like waste”. My sister in-law’s H, who is an ER doc, talked to him about it and he finally listened (figures…).
Maybe you can enlist the friend’s H about this issue? Or some other 3rd party?
I also feel that everyone is entitled to their food preferences. I don’t want someone ordering “family style” for me at a restaurant or providing a meal where there are few alternatives. People have food allergies and intolerances, and just have their own tastes too. H has some food allergies and doesn’t understand how I can be picky since I don’t have any. “Do you want a roasted boar’s heart stuffed with blood sausage?”, I asked him. No, he didn’t. So know he understands that I just don’t want spaghetti squash or rabbit.
OP is entitled to liking the food that she likes and not wanting to eat otherwise.
(PS - the boar’s heart story is true - something ordered by an adventurous foodie friend of ours).
This is hilarious at some level. ShawWife is a very good cook as are some of our friends. We have others who seem a lot more comfortable with cocktails and then dinner is a painful afterthought. And one who has a cook because neither nor her husband cook.
Assuming it’s not dementia or a desire to end lives sooner rather than later, here’s a thought. Why not offer to cook together? She can learn from you.
Or, how about getting her and hubby a cooking class? Friends have gotten us cooking classes from a famous restauranter who opening a barbeque restaurant and from a Cambodian-French restaurant. Both were fun, even for me as the relatively unsophisticated cook. The latter I believe we did with our friends (who are both excellent cooks like my wife).
I can’t imagine being faced with that “cat food” in person. :-&