<p>have a great trip and heal up CBB, its gonna be cold and snowy next week.
Oregon you sure have a lot going on. Hoping your D is ok and son heals quickly and the problem is resolved.
CQ I knew once she got in a door, they would recognize her talents and she would be on her way. Is Chicago where her BF is?</p>
<p>Yes, downtoearth, Chicago is where the bf is. She also did an internship there one summer, and really likes the city. And yes, we are aware Chicago in the winter is colder than Chicago in the summer!</p>
<p>She has been hoping to find something in an area where she can get by with using public transportation, and doesn’t need to purchase a car right away. She has a zipcar account she can use when she needs a car, but doesn’t want the expense of a car at this time.</p>
<p>cq, have a great trip. I hope you are icing your injury, even today.
Shaw, what is the weather like??
kmc, it really sounds like your S is having a great early 20’s. Good for him and good luck with this job application.
Mod, any update about you S’s missed Nov. deadline??</p>
<p>NM, I wonder often about your D and how she is doing. I also wonder if you or she saw the warnings before they married?
I had been trying to talk with my D (subtly and with good timing and usually am asked) but she believed what she wanted to believe. She is heartbroken and this is hard to watch. It also means that the likelihood of her living near us someday is diminished. H and I are both relieved though as the BF was just being too wishy washy and I saw a lifetime of conflict between them. </p>
<p>H and I leave tomorrow after work. Had a longggg talk with him. He decided to go when he asked S if he wanted him there. Yes, this is the same father who would ask a 5 year old if he was hungry rather than feed him the meal I had prepared. I would come home after working in the evening and S would not be fed. “he wasn’t hungry” H would say.
I have tried to get it across to H that DIL is 21, not 31, and S 23. DIL thanked me profusely when I assured here we would be there and do anything and everything so she can go to her necessary lab and take her midterm.
The longgg talk with H had to do with why he would not have decided to go FOR ME as well. My penalty for being capable?
I think I already ranted but I took such good care of him during his gallbladder surgery.
Quite frankly I wonder if he would have died if I had not been there, things went so badly.
Well, I will need to move on with him. I know I have mentioned that he went to boarding school in the USA while his parents and sibs were in Pakastan for 2 years of hospital work. He was painfully shy. I wonder (the therapist in me) is he can’t step up and take care of others as no one did it for him growing up. His family is a “everyman for himself” one.</p>
<p>I am being lazy today and need to get a move on. Will keep you posted on S’s procedure and thanks so much for the good energy and wishes.</p>
<p>Oregon - your post is making me think. I have tried to never rely on anyone but myself as growing up I knew that I could only count on myself. Although I loved my mother my stepfather was a piece of work and I couldn’t always count on her to be on my side so I learned that I would take care of myself and live my life my way. I adjusted well to being married but H is fine with me making the decisions. 
So he went to see his mother when I was sick. Sick enough that I didn’t even want to get out of bed. Instead of calling my kids (who are local) to get me something to eat/drink I just didn’t eat/drink until evening when I figured I HAD to do something. I really wanted ice cream or something soothing on my throat but just couldn’t bolster getting dressed and in the car so I opened a can of something and managed to heat it up in the microwave and swallow it. Not what I wanted but it was something. </p>
<p>With your post I wonder if in reality I’m depriving my kids or occassionally at least needing to take care of someone other than themselves. I did tell them what I had done and they poth said that they would have come and helped/got me food/etc so at least they would have done the right thing. Maybe I should take them up on it though next time. Definitely has me thinking…</p>
<p>Oregon, my FIL was sent to boarding school in 7th grade and lived a life that had him growing up with three siblings he barely knew and parents whose travels took them so far away he was basically one of those kids who stayed at school over all breaks except maybe Christmas. When we see them this winter, I am going to ask how summers worked. Anyway… point is, empathy is not something easily explained. And being able to truly put yourself in another person’s shoes (without wearing yours at the same time) is a very difficult thing for some people. And while I don’t know what kind of doctor your husband is, I do know that they are very used to “fixing problems” vs just being around for moral support and oversight. I trusted my father explicitly. And to think he died when he was the same age I am now. I don’t feel nearly as capable as I felt him to be. </p>
<p>My husband is getting better at knowing what is most important to me, but when my dad suddenly and unexpectedly died two weeks after we were married (it was a friday and I got the call at 9:30am), he didn’t even think to come home to comfort me. BUT… here’s the thing… I think there is definitely something to the “proving yourself competent and therefore, you’re fine” way of thinking. I think it sucks, frankly. And it’s lonely. however, the flip side is that if I were NOT truly competent, it’s unlikely we would have ever been together long enough to be married. Neither one of us is needy, but as I say to my H all the time… this does not mean I need nothing! :)</p>
<p>MLK Day… no one in the health career offices today apparently… and even I tried to call and got the machine like four times. Of course, I hung up every time. S has already said he is ready to go up the entire food chain to get this figured out. Took another practice test today - scored a 37. Test is Saturday. He’s going to take one more full practice exam on Thursday. Apparently, the one consistent tip he’s received is to take as many full length practice exams as you can. But seriously, his got some nervous chatter going on and it’s slightly driving me nuts… BUT he’s been around for the heavy lifting of packed boxes and it’s great having a very strong son (and I mean that in a physical way). Emotionally… jury is still out. :)</p>
<p>I was so troubled by my brother that I called my dad’s brother. My dad died 23 years ago. It was so nice to talk to someone and have them give me fatherly advice. It made me realize how much take on, why feel constantly stressed. My H is really nice but I find my relationship with him more of a negotiation. He will do anything for me, but I have to tell him. I never feel taken care of, even when I was so very ill. it seems like it is the same for so many of us.</p>
<p>CBB – Seriously consider asking for a wheelchair at the airport. There is so much standing and lines and distances to walk – and to do that on a sore foot/ankle right before getting on a flight is perhaps asking for some problems you don’t need to have. Have a good trip!</p>
<p>DTE – that’s a very astute observation. </p>
<p>Shaw – The bus needs to swing way wide to grab me, but I’ll be packed and ready. Just holler. </p>
<p>Moda – good luck to your son on the MCAT. It is a stress for everyone.</p>
<p>C_Q – great news on the job prospects for D.</p>
<p>yes, DTE, well said. And as I age, I feel sad about this.</p>
<p>CBBB, maybe the silver line (or the aqua one).
Oregon, 80s in Ho Chi Minh City. In Hanoi, they locals are wearing down jackets and I wore a tennis shirt yesterday and a cotton long-sleeve shirt today. I’d say 65 degrees.</p>
<p>I don’t think most males are great at the preemptive empathy thing. ShawWife often has to ask me, though I am a lot better than I used to be. When she had surgery, I made sure to stay home but she requested a) help from ShawD, b) help from her sister; and c) help from her cousin. She didn’t know how useful I’d be.</p>
<p>I love the phrase “preemptive empathy.” Gotta get me some of that.</p>
<p>Over a month of temperatures in the 70s and 80s, not a drop of rain, no snow in the Sierras; and it’s all seriously worrisome.</p>
<p>D2 seems to be doing better after our trip. We sent her a light for her dimly lit room/kitchenette, and she said it really does help. Amazing how she can cope with so much, but no idea where or how to get more light (or that this might be a good thing). I just drop shipped it from Amazon.de (german Amazon).</p>
<p>She was also musing on the fact that last year at this time spring semester of senior year had just started: she said it seems like a very long time ago …</p>
<p>Z, I am afraid “preemptive empathy” only comes with the female upfit 
</p>
<p>Your options are somewhat limited on the male model of spouse, eg. the base equpment of “Yell and I’ll do it” kit or the upgraded kit that is something like: “Repeatedly explain what I would like in advance of wanting it to create operant conditioning effect when triggering event occurs.”</p>
<p>(No disrespect, Shaw, but having a tease at the expense of the not-fairer-sex.)</p>
<p>Hi ho.</p>
<p>Kmc yes I like that. My trainer said her H call her his “anchor” but sometimes she would like an anchor too.</p>
<p>I’m so behind! Older D leaves to study abroad in the morning after which life should calm down.</p>
<p>Missy, I hope your D has a great experience.</p>
<p>I hope that drought breaks soon. I am getting tired of snow, but we needed the moisture here so that is the silver lining.</p>
<p>Shaw, enjoy your vacation! I remember my H talking about the guys who served in Vietnam, that they would be finally comfortable when the locals were shivering.</p>
<p>Bon Voyage to Missy D1!!</p>
<p>(What is her destination??)</p>
<p>I am enjoying hearing about all the good news on the jobs front.</p>
<p>I am not enjoying hearing about all the scary news on the health front.</p>
<p>I am wishing I was in shawbridge’s or missypie d’s suitcase right now. At least winter is officially one-third over today.</p>
<p>Budapest…</p>
<p>Exciting. I remember staying up late into the night checking on D’s flights as she headed to Africa.</p>
<p>Missy, I think that the memory of having a pastry and rich coffee in Budapest could sustain one for a lifetime… I hope reality is at least a little bit like my fantasy.</p>
<p>Farewell to missypie D1! Hoping she has a very fun semester abroad!</p>
<p>Enjoyed my time away and visiting with my friend. Now back to reality! D2 is thriving at her job so far. She is just so thrilled to be actually working. D1 is getting better. A few steps forward and then one step back. She is going to the gym just about every day but is also sleeping in and expecting me to make meals on her schedule. We discussed that issue last night. One of the surprising results of D1 being home has been the tension between the two girls. I guess they haven’t really shared space here at home for many years and it has been interesting to say the least. D1 starts dog sitting for relatives today. She will be doing that for two weeks as she continues to apply and interview. She had a phone interview yesterday but said she is not interested in the company after talking with them. I guess I should quit being so anxious as she officially only quit work 4 weeks ago. Seems like so much longer! :eek: I continue to have trouble sleeping and have stomachaches all of the time. H says it is because I hate not having everything under control. He know me so well. ;)</p>