Yikes. I am so sorry.
definitely not alone. The anxiety struggle was REAL, especially at the beginning, and executive function is so hard. I am super organized and donāt think I could handle all they have going on with # of portals, logins, different formats of syllabi, types of materials (PDFs, texts, websites, coding platforms, etc). They do NOT make anything easy to find. Each advisor (3!) has a different way to make appointments. I will say the advisors seem very nice, and the school has been helpful when there have been problems. Got a room change (when needed) pretty easily, all things considered.
My kidsā grades are NOT good. Luckily for us, their merit isnāt tied to GPA. They will have to retake a class next semester for sure, and will be taking something over the summer at home to catch up for their major. One lovely thing about their school is that it is quite easy to transfer from CC for many courses.
Socially, things are going so much better now, and I think academically, it started to click too. I wish that had happened about 3 weeks earlier, but alas.
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I just wanted to thank you all again for the keeping it real and commiseration. Itās so easy to just see the folks whose kids are slaying it, and to feel alone. Not that I donāt want people to celebrate their kidsā successes, of course I want people to shout achievements and great things and to be proud and happy. But itās really hard to feel like your kid is the only one who hasnāt managed to get their sh!! together or that just is struggling to figure out the proto-adulting. Realistically I know that itās super common, but you just donāt hear about that.
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both of these things!
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I am so sorry. Hopefully the advisor can help with the situation. This is so tough.
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All seems to be ok on my 25ās end? Heās pretty tightlipped about his grades, so I guess weāll know more about that soon enough. From the sounds of it though, he is working hard. Heās already talking with friends about room and dorm situations for next year, so Iāll take that as an overall good sign. My only concern is that he keeps a pretty narrow focus on his work and sport right now, which is fine to a point, but I would like him to spread his wings a bit and explore some of the many offerings/clubs the college has. Some of that is me looking back at my time in college and wishing I had done more, and some of it is knowing that this is the time to do those things and find new interests before you get swept up in adulthood. Lots to talk over at the break.
He has an exam during the last possible time slot next week, so heāll fly home the next day. Super excited. Hopefully he has better luck with his trip to the airport this time. Heās planning to start making connections for summer employment while heās home. I suggested he visit the career office before the break just to familiarize himself with the resources. Weāll see if that happensā¦
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S25 just called to let me know that his backpack is āmissingā. It has his car keys, drivers license , credit card and debit card in it, along with papers etc 
. He is tired and stressed out re finals, so I am trying to be calm, but come on dude!!!
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Havenāt discussed grades yet with S25 other than everything is āfineā. It didnāt help in high school so we agreed to just look at final grades as I will need to ensure merit is applied. As curious as I am, Iāll just be happy in the meantime thinking everything is good and he is using some of the exec functioning techniques.
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Just wanted to say that I have thought a lot about your sonās experience since I first read about it last night. I am really angry at the professor for not bending a little. The punishment was way too harsh, imo. Very sorry for your son.
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Update - phew - he retraced his steps, and found it at the local bagel shop. They kept it behind the counter for him. He is so lucky!
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Thank you for the commiseration. Iām struggling with this mostly because (a) feels way too harsh but also (b) her policy to not accept anything late was clearly explained in the syllabus and reiterated for assignments throughout class. So really, he just screwed up, but sheās following her policy. I feel like I want to be mad at her, but I canāt, because itās not like she pulled a fast one. I think what it comes down to is that I wouldnāt do this. If it were me, and even if I had a āno late workā policy, I probably ALSO would let the system accept work that was 15 minutes late. Because really, unless you are an emergency responder, thereās not much that canāt be a little late in life (and certainly not in the world of landscape design). And to me, that would feel ok. 15 or 30 minutes late are kids who tried and something went awry, itās not like next day or five hours late. But just because I would do that, doesnāt mean she has to. And thatās what Iām going to try to explain to S25. Sheās the teacher and gets to make the rules. Heās frustrated and upset, but she has all the power and he has none.
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Will she maybe at least look at it and give him feedback? It sucks she wonāt accept it late for credit, but having finished the project she should at least be willing to look at it and give him feedback. At least then maybe he wonāt feel like he wasted his time completing it or that the only reason to do the work was for the grade. I would at least have him ask (and honestly if she said no I think that gives him ammunition to take it up the line in a way that fluffing a clearly stated expectation does not, as unfair as this particular situation is).
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While I agree she seems really unreasonable to not accept something like this, even with some kind of normal penalty - your remark about almost everything in life can be 15 min late made me realizeā¦ in building construction, governmental contract bids MUST be turned in at a certain time. 1 min late is not allowed - online nor in person. We have a time stamp in our purchasing office and itās up to the contractor to get it to our office and stamped. If itās 1 min late by our clock, not accepted. So I wonder if maybe she is trying to prep the kids for that?
In any case, I do hope she reconsiders. That is just really harsh for a freshman
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And of all the stupid things, you know what I canāt get past with the landscape design class? It was āhistory ofā so he didnāt think there would be model building, but ok, a misperception. And because the final requires a model/project he went to Michaelās - which was an uber for him, because he doesnāt have a car on campus - and he spent almost $50 on the various modeling clay and other supplies he needed, then had to uber back. Between supplies and uber, that project that is graded a 0 cost at least $75 and took several hours to build.
Anyhoo, @Juno16 - during the scheduled final exam time today they had an in person exhibition that was mandatory. He went because it counted for an attendance grade, but it doesnāt count for or towards the final, so no extra points to gain there. It would be nice if she gave him some feedback, but I wonder how much that would just hurt him. Like if she said it was really good (he put a lot of effort into building the model, thereās a ton of detail) and it still got a zero maybe thatās almost worse?
@ClassicMom98 - really good point re: construction projects and contractors and bids. This class isnāt part of the construction management program. He took it because they need something that meets the gen ed requirement for āglobal challengesā and history of landscape design counts for that. Itās part of the landscape architecture major, which probably does have the same time project submission type requirements if youāre working on big projects. I doubt she knows that my kid is a construction management major, but regardless, itās a good lesson for him.
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Be careful about what the refund (scholarship) money is used for, if the payment using 529 dollars covered all scholarship qualified expenses, or the amount refunded (scholarship) could become taxable income to the student.
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My D is debating whether or not to tell her current roommates that she is leaving at the end of the semester. Part of her doesnāt want to say anything because she doesnāt want fake drama. And TBH thereās a certain satisfaction to just leaving, petty as that may be. Part of her, however, knows the logistics of not saying anything will be difficult. Any thoughts?
That thought hadnāt occurred to me. Assuming it comes out in time, Iāll make sure we use it for the housing bill. Thanks for the heads up!
My D did an extra credit assignment for Chemistry that was due yesterday, on a day she doesnāt have class, but she didnāt process that and didnāt turn it in during office hours and now the professor wonāt accept it. Time wasted and points missedā¦but at least it didnāt cost $75. Sometimes I think she has undiagnosed ADHD (as do her father and I probably.)
When my son was a freshman in HS, he had a ārequiredā assignment of supplying Kleenex for the classroom. He didnāt tell me, so I didnāt know, it wasnāt in any info communicated to me, of course he didnāt drive as he was 14 years old, Kleenex was never bought, and it brought his whole grade down a letter grade. Man was I ever pissed. No grade in a public school should be dependent on what a student does or doesnāt buy.
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I think I would encourage her to say something short and sweet āHey, just wanted to let you know that Iām moving into a single next semesterā, but it could be either as sheās leaving for break or even via text afterward. But I wouldnāt do it any earlier than that so that thereās no time for them to ask questions or ask why; she doesnāt need to engage with them on that.
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Be aware that room and board is not a qualified expense for scholarship money. You could ask the school if money you already paid for the semester using 529 dollars can be redesignated to cover the housing bill (a 529 qualified expense) instead of tuition, and then use the refunded (scholarship) money to fill the tuition hole. This stuff can get complicated pretty quickly, which is why itās important for the school to itemize every item on all bills, and for the bill payers to know what is being billed, and where the money is coming from to pay each item.
Money is fungible, so if the school declines to do any āredesignation,ā just do it in your own accounting so you can show the IRS (if you are ever asked) that different buckets of money spent (529, scholarship, etc.) were used to pay for appropriate qualified expenses.
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