Thank you! We can do that at his physical. But I think he’s losing the weight because he’s not eating enough. We got him the kosher meal plan and some money on the regular one, but his mustard allergy has meant that he has to avoid much more of the food than we thought. (In the main, because mustard is a component of Old Bay, and he attends UMD, where Old Bay is beloved as a local spice. It’s on everything from macaroni and cheese to ice cream to salads to fish/meat.)
On the various breaks, we have fed him enormous amounts and I see him plumping up (like a baby - remember how that was??) until he says, “enough with the gavage” and goes back to school.
Like he had almost a week off at Thanksgiving. The night he got home, I took him to my sister’s where she administered mountains of pasta. The next day, before our drive to TG meal, I stopped for a large pizza for him to eat as we drove. He arrived and my DIL’s mother had prepared a heap of brisket for him as his pre-game. My oldest son bought Haagen Dasz and said, “when you’re not eating anything else, have a bit of this and make sure it’s gone by the end of the weekend.”
He started that break looking too much like Mr. Burns, but looked a bit more normal at the end of it.
Hi, what an ordeal for him and you to deal with. My C19 has a ton of food allergies and found it difficult to find food to eat in the school cafes as well. I assume your son has spoken with the disability and accommodation’s office, if not, that’s the first place to go to let them know what’s working and what’s not. Mustard is not one of the “Big 9” allergens (milk, eggs, fish, shellfish, tree nuts, peanuts, wheat, soybeans, and sesame and my kid is allergic to all of them), but he should talk with the disability office nonetheless. I don’t know the laws in Maryland, but that’s the place to start. My kid also registered with campus safety identifying them as having an anaphylactic reaction so they knew in case she was in distress (she also wears a bracelet).
Another thing we did was allow her to door dash any food when she couldn’t eat the meal. That way, she didn’t have to ask us each time. We did spend a lot on the door dashers over 4 years but I didn’t want her allergies and the school’s response to them to mean she didn’t eat. The school also provided some money back on the meal plan (it was a required plan as everyone lives on campus) and some sort of coupons or something due to her not being able to eat a lot of the food.
I’m happy to chat about any of this or other food allergy issues if you’d like.
Thanks, guys! Part of the issue is that he’s very shy about asking for “more” or seeming spoiled. The kosher chef talked to us on the phone several times and wants to work with DS. So I am hopeful that next semester will be better. In the meantime, he has stocked up the new kitchen fridge/freezer with some basics, and supposedly he went to Chanukah dinner tonight and “am literally eating right now don’t worry”
Point is well taken about a medical follow up! I’m wondering if that can wait a couple of weeks as we watch how it goes when he eats to satiety over the break? I’ll message his doctor.
p.s. Yes, we did talk to the accommodations people and we would have leaned on them if DS hadn’t otherwise qualified for the space with the kitchen. It sounds like you navigated great for your DD! It’s not an easy thing to manage!!
This is something that many kids with allergies have in common, mine included. They don’t want to seem needy/pushy/spoiled, so they don’t ask/follow up. They don’t want special treatment, just to be able to eat with everyone else to the extent possible and be normal. Good luck to your DS.
D25 ended first semester with a 3.7. She laughed as she recognized she hasn’t had this high of GPA ever. Every time we talked to her this semester she commented how much she is loving her classes and her professors. In fact, talking to the professors at the open house I forced her to attend the fall of her hs senior year is a huge part of what drew her to choosing the college she did. I’m not naive enough to think the highs will last but beyond thrilled she started her college experience on such a positive note.
D is moved into her new room! Not only is it all her own, but the space is wonderful! She has sunlight (previous room was very dark); she has a (small) walk in closet!… she was just beaming, like the weight of the world was off her shoulders. Our first semester move in was really traumatic and messed up, and we got a total do-over that was everything we wanted and needed it to be. No idea about the new suite mates (who also all have their own rooms) but fingers crossed.
There was some drama with her old roommate/ suite mates once they found out she was changing rooms. I was pretty surprised by some of the reactions I heard about.
The next piece of the puzzle is to figure out her major. Her brain says business ~~ her heart says photography/art. She doesn’t have a lot of time to decide.
So we are currently on family vacation. For people who are NOT spontaneous, we booked a last minute trip to Hawaii for all four of us. Got here Tuesday, fly home and (with the red eye) land Christmas Eve. I think S25 is a bit bummed because most of his friends are doing the opposite - leaving for Christmas - so he didn’t get to see them much, but we’re thinking this may be our last big vacation. S22 will, hopefully, have a full time job after he graduates in May and may not have much leave time for a while. And I’m finding it hard to feel joyful. Which is stupid. I’m in Hawaii for Pete’s sake! To be fair, it had rained almost non stop since we got here (thanks Pineapple Express weather pattern) which isn’t exactly what you think of when you think of Hawaiian vacation, but I just so desperately want us to have fun together while we can that I’m really struggling to see the fun in just the random driving around and exploring. Anyhoo, we got about an hour of sun this afternoon while we were driving on the North Shore (we’re in Oahu, which wouldn’t have been my first choice, but last minute beggars can’t be choosers) and the boys got some time to jump in the hella big waves. They are having a blast with each other, regardless of the rain, and I love these goof balls.
The worst day in Oahu is better than the best day pretty much anywhere else!
I know you know this, but…Change can be hard and scary…but it’s going to be okay. You will lose some things with your older son being employed full time, but you will gain other things. It’s all part of the ebb and flow of life.
I hope it stops raining for you! I love the idea of a family vacation right now. Yay for big waves and goofy college kids who are having fun.
The minute I went away to college – in 1991, lol – my parents left to go to Hawaii. Can I just tell you, I still have never been. I might be a bit salty.
Thanks for the pep talk all! (And also for not saying shut your pampered little mouth - I totally recognize how cringey it is to be less than excited about this trip.). Anyhoo, it’s sunny today, which is helping my mood. I think one of the challenges really with this trip is just my desire to make it All The Things which just isn’t possible. And I know that, I just need to believe it. Anyhoo, on to the enjoying.
It’s a good reminder that certain events like vacations or holidays or college transitions can come with certain expectations…if it’s not the way we picture it in our minds, then that can lead to a whole host of emotions. I think it’s good that you are being honest and keeping it real. This isn’t just about “college”, but also about our families changing and growing and our roles as parents evolving.
I hope all who celebrate had a merry Christmas, and that everyone is enjoying time with their kids.
I’ve been putting off the next discussion that needs to happen with S25 re: grades and what to do next term to improve. We had an initial convo his first day home, but he only had three of five grades in and I didn’t want to go into too much depth when I could tell he was exhausted and not ready to really hear. Then his brother got home the next day, day three I had to work and we had to prep for our trip, then we went on vacation and I didn’t want to put a pall on vacation. We got home the 24th and I didn’t want to bring this up over Christmas. So now we’re moving on in winter break and the convo still hasn’t happened. We’re doing dinner with extended family today, so I’m thinking not today, but hopefully tomorrow.
