Are we the last ones to commit?! 
We officially have a Zag in the house! Submitted the deposit to Gonzaga today! I am so excited for her. It really is the best fit for her and I know she will thrive. My grandfather went to Gonzaga in the 30s and played football (when they still had a team) so that legacy makes this a little extra special.
Exactly! If the adults in the room are not handling their āagreed upon tasksā how can we judge the teenager with ADHD who is struggling, with limited communication from said adults, to complete their agreed upon tasks. Thatās a bit of a double standard. I would be contacting admin.
Yay! Congratulations!! 
And no, you are not the last to commit. We are still doing the dance, and it has been a little painful the last 24 hours. 
Thanks for the understanding and support everyone.
So hereās what I did on Friday - I emailed the guidance counselor and case carrier to express my frustration. I tried to be clear that my worries focus around S25 learning to be successful, and that I was disappointed with how this quarter went, the support he received, and the modeling and leadership that he didnāt. The guidance counselor - without my asking - told me she would bring this situation up with the teacher, the chair of the Science department, and the Administrator assigned over the Science team. Based on the tone of her email, Iām guessing sheās also going to ask the teacher to give S25 an opportunity to turn something in, or do something for extra credit, or something. She sounded pissed (and since she was responsible for reaching out to this teacher half way through the quarter when I first voiced a concern, and I believe that she did, I also think she feels personally ignored.)
I also sent a message to the teacher. I didnāt ask to fix last quarterās grade. I did ask what comes next - with so little time left in the year, will there be any opportunity to raise a grade in the fourth quarter, does the lab class have a final exam that counts to counterbalance the quarter grades (every other class each quarter is weighted 20% and the final is 20%, but I donāt know if labs have a final). I told him that I was disappointed in how the last quarter had gone, and asked if he had suggestions for what could be done with the time that remains and any suggestions for how (if) S25 can pull his final for the year grade up.
The Chem teacher wrote back to say heād get back to me this weekend. Weāll see.
D25 decision made! After going full circle, from knowing it was the right place from the very first time she saw it last February, to second-guessing and rethinking every option and traveling across the country for more college visits, she is back to the beginning. Drumroll!
St Olaf College!! We are thrilled. It really is a special place and I am so proud of her for not getting blinded by āprestigeā and going with her gut.
This is wonderful! It sounded like such an amazing fit from the beginning. Congratulations!
St. Olafās seems like such a cool school! Congrats!
No decision yet here either! S25 just finished Admit Weekend at Stanford and is traveling directly to Harvard Visitas. I accompanied him to Stanford, where I saw their gorgeous campus for the first time and attended an excellent lecture by a political science prof. S25 returns in three days and will have just 48 hours to make his decision. Talk about pressure!
I have heard many wonderful things about St. Olaf. It sounds like a fantastic place. I hope she loves it. What does she want to study? Or is she undecided?
Senior prom night! Weāve got a nice group here for dinner before the dance. Fun times. Making memories! Only 1 month until graduation!
We have a decision!! S25 has committed to UNC Charlotte with a guaranteed transfer to Boston University next year. Yay! Now heās off to senior prom. Such a big day!! Congrats to everyone for their decisions!
Senior prom here too. Theirs includes dinner, but we had a big group getting ready together and taking photos. Wish I could say it was all happy and stress free, but there were some moments of stress over hair and last minute prep. In the photos everyone looks so happy and beautiful. I was looking at them and thinking how happy I am that D25 has such a great friend group. I hope theyāre all having a wonderful time.
D25 just submitted her UBC acceptance tonight!! We will start visa materials tomorrow! Any advice?
Yay! D25 had trouble with the form accepting because there was section she skipped and then forgot she skipped it. She took way too long to figure that out. Lol.
She posted on the UBC29 Instagram page, the private one. Sheās talking with a few girls and is looking for a roommate for a shared bathroom single.
Have her also sign up for housing for sophomore year, too. Theyāre already accepting applications and go first come, first served.
Ok, all, take some deep breaths with me.
I just found out the D25 has four days to get through the midterm for an online AP Gov class. I knew she was behind, but just looked and she has done near nothing. And when I say near nothing, I mean it. She told me her anxiety has been crazy high recently āmore than it has been in a really long time, Momā, and that sheās had hours this week where she sits in front of the computer and stares at the screen and does nothing. (I have never seen her do this; sheās generally a very independent kidādoes she get off the computer and look at her phone? Does she literally stare at a screen for hours?) Iām scared and sad and stressed for her.
And her other grades are dropping, too. I donāt know what to do, how to help, and I confess that it makes me feel like either my kid isnāt getting what she needs out of therapy, or that sheās not applying it, or whatever other answer my brain wants to provide to give a āreasonā for where sheās at. But really, Iām just sad.
Another deep breath. And another.
Same here! Down to two, and weāve got a quick second trip to a school planned for Monday/Tuesday, so it will definitely be down to the wire. Hereās hoping a second visit with better weather and actually sitting in on a class will help D25 decide.
Iām so sorry for D25 and for you as her caregiver - what a difficult situation. We have dealt with major grade slippage here too, and at this point we are white-knuckling it through the end of the semester and hoping things turn out ok. I try to tell myself that in the grand scheme of their life, C25 probably wonāt remember what grades they got or didnāt get in senior year, and if they do remember the slips maybe those will be lessons for the future.
I think a lot of the anxiety and grade slips really have very little to do with being overwhelmed at school and a whole lot to do with being overwhelmed by this major life transition. Thereās probably some resistance to the end of this stage and the beginning of another, and itās causing the stress and (in our case) self-sabotage. Iām not sure I have any advice, other than to know this phase will pass and to keep in mind the 10,000 ft view of how much this will matter in 5 or 10 years (so, so hard to do).
Dās school had their final jazz competition. They scored better than they have all season and came in 2nd place, up from the 4th place position they started with. Itās another one of those ālastsā that hits harder. She still has a couple more school performances and teen arts so sheās not done. I have a feeling the next 2 months are going to fly by but also take forever as well.
On a funny note, sheās going to prom with her best childhood friend, neither of them found dates and are pretty happy to go together. Theyāre going to do a promposal picture with a sign of him asking like 10 other people with names crossed out and her name last. All their friends and family know the 2 of them are like brother and sister and most know heās gay so nobody should take it seriously. I canāt wait to see what they come up with!
@illneversaynever hugs from afar! Teenage life and transition time is rough! I donāt know if you are just looking to vent or if you are also open to ideas ā if not, please ignore. :). But one thing that has been helpful during times like this for my kids is to sit down with them and say some version of: we are a team in this family and I want to help take some things off your plate so you feel a little less overwhelmed. Letās make a list of things that are overwhelming and then letās see what I can take on. (or some version of that). Then, I take on anything that doesnāt HAVE to be done by the kid. So, for example, Iāll do their chores for them, go run errands that they needed, or drive them to things to save time when they usually ride their bikes, offer to make dinner super quick and yummy (and make it their favorite meals), or even offer to take it to their room if they are on a roll studying. And, help them define the task at hand as broken down smaller tasks and help them get some movement on this one small first task. Also, I say the words: letās just get you through this ā itās doesnāt have to be your very best work of all time. Letās just do what we need to do to support you to get some tiny step forward today and that will get its own momentum.
I think that by: lowering the stakes (letting them know it really doesnāt always have to be A work), helping them break down to smaller tasks and then nudging to getting the first tiny step done, and then showing empathy and support (rather than the shame they are often feeling for letting this go so long) by offering to step in to do all the āother thingsā that are normally on their plate goes a LONG way to helping them eek out the DREADED THING. :).
Again just an idea in case you are up for hearing one. If not, ignore.
BTW ā I know this system because I am an author and I have NEEDED this system for me when I am way behind on a deadline. So when I realized how well it worked for me (with my husband being the person who did all those things), I started using the same approach with my kids.
I love this and use it too with my kid.
Just had a tough, tough night the other night. He actually left the house after having a melt down. Was gone for hours at night, on foot, turned off location sharing. Itās the first time heās ever done anything like this. We were starting to get freaked out when it got late. When he got home I sat in his room and he cried and told me how overwhelmed he is. He listed what his whole day was like and I wanted to cry - not just the amount of stuff to do, but the little things that arenāt on the calendar- horrible traffic after school, going a different way so he wouldnāt be late for after school internship, getting totally lost after taking a different direction, rushing home after for a zoom he was late to that was stressful, college decision stress, social drama with friends. He couldnāt take anymore on and fell apart.
I sat and offered to do any of those extras you mentioned, and brought a tray of
snacks up to his room (something Iāve never done). It made such a difference. Also, lots of hugs- this is a kid who doesnāt really welcome hugs much.
But outside help is also needed so we are seeking therapeutic resources too. It is a tough time for some kids. 
to all of you struggling right now.