Good to know about the visa form and ig page! We had heard about second year housing when we toured during spring break.
Things are getting real!
I am so sorry you are all going through this. We have had some rough spots over here this year so I can relate on some level. It is so hard for them. I will say, once my son finally made the college decision things have settled quite a bit. Still school and other stressors but he is so much happier, and really just lighter. I donāt think even he realized how much that decision was weighing on him. And at least for my kid, I think the intense desire to have this phase be done while not knowing what the next phase looks like was leading to alot of emotional unrest. I am sure your support during this time is helping and I hope he feels some peace once the decision part is done. Hang in there.
1 Like
Also still deciding here. Just got back from spring break visiting Mount Holyoke, Vassar, and Smith college. All were positive visits, which is good that she feels positive about all her choices but right now is frustrating as she is no closer to a decision.
Here are my takes on her top 5 (even though itās her decision, she is looking to us as a sounding board/for guidance, so itās helpful to type this out).
Middlebury- this is a solid choice, the main advantage is the language programs (not planning to major in a language but has enjoyed learning Spanish and wants to study abroad).
MHC- the students here were very welcoming, but it otherwise didnāt stand out in any way.
Vassar- we had a great visit here- just overall positive vibes. Biggest draw was their ācommunity engaged learningā- students can earn credit working with community organizations, under the guidance of a faculty sponsor.
Smith- this went way up in my estimation after our visit-- they really sold the pros of a womenās college in a way MHC didnāt. D25 was selected as a STRIDE scholar, which means that for her 1st 2 years she will work on a research project (and receive a stipend) with a faculty sponsor. We met an Econ prof who was previously at Williams for 20 years and mentioned how at Williams, it was the male voices that dominated in the classroom, even though she had many female students with equally strong or stronger written work.
Williams- this one carries a lot of baggage as itās my (and my husbandās) alma mater. The academic prestige both makes it feel hard to turn down but also intimidates D25. There is not the emphasis on community engagement as we heard at Vassar and Smith, but it does seem that she would be able to get internships/winter study experiences that would fulfill this interest.
I think we are down to a top 3: Williams, Vassar, and Smith, but honestly not sure which she will choose.
@illneversaynever and @Julmarmc, Iām sending you both hugs and a bit of solidarity. D25 has always struggled with time management and staying on top of things, but this past month or so things have seemed to be getting worse and there has been some grade slipping. I think like @DW98 said, the stress of the college decision is weighing on her. But like you, itās so frustrating to see her struggle and not know how to help.
12 Likes
illneversaynever, my S28 also has 4 days until midterm on an online class and lot more to go. It is so easy to procrastinate with those because they arenāt in person. But with some Celcius (no judging) and all day to work today he will plow through. If itās too much right now for your D and if this is UC Scout (guessing with same time schedule) they will let the student push off and restart the course in summer semester for a fee - as long as they never got past the midterm. Not ideal, but if your D saves the work she has done you could tell the admitted college about the extension and do a reboot after graduation when things quiet down. Very stressful, it seems like a lot of seniors are melting down right now, and itās pretty normal. Hope it works out and helps her take one thing off her plate.
3 Likes
Iām doing some of this, but not as systematically as you describe here. I appreciate the advice; happy to glean from othersā wisdom!
Itās a new day and the shock has worn off a bit. There is still hope, there is still time, and (at the moment!) she seems ready to lock in and just.get.it.done. Thank you all for your support.
9 Likes
Sending hugs 
to all during this time. We are also riding the white knuckle train. He has 1 class he needs to bring up to pass and I am fine if he can just maintain the C in math this quarter.
There seems to be so much work remaining with only 3 weeks left for seniors. Writing out the remaining assignments on a whiteboard and just trying to get S25 to work through the list. Thankfully his college course ends this week and just wish the homework at hs would stop during the 2 weeks of AP exams.
5 Likes
Well, itās been a journey. We were down to 2 schools at the end: Vassar and UMichigan. So, so different in every way. We had a soft spot for Vassar but felt good about both choices because of the Residential College at Michigan. In the end it wasnāt really a big surprise.
S25 will be a wolverine at Michigan!
He is so happy to move on and is getting excited for Ann Arbor! Go Blue!!!
52 Likes
Congrats on making a decision!
I was re-reading my own posts and realized I didnāt write back after D25ās class at Vassar, though thatās not really useful to you now! The class she chose happened to have student presentations that day. So it was interesting but not the typical class format.
In the end, the classes she attended at each school were different topics and different styles of teaching (lecture, discussion, etc), so she felt that it was hard to compare between schools. They were all SLACS and all small, interactive classes, even the lectures, and confirmed that she did want the SLAC small-class experience.
3 Likes
Aah, thank you for this!
Youāre right- it would not have made a difference to him. I think the pull of the big school was just too, too much. 
Iām a huge fan of LACās tho- hope your kid picks the perfect school soon!
1 Like
My S25 finally made his decision: University of Pennsylvania! This was a long, drawn out decision making process because weāre local and his high school traditionally sends a number of kids there every year. This year was no exception and he had really wanted to explore a different city with less people from his high school. He EDād to a different school and when he didnāt get in, he let it ride in RD to see where the chips fell. He had a number of amazing choices, but it kept on coming back to Penn. It was just everything he was looking for in a school, and everyone (teachers, studentsā¦even his grandparents) thought so, except for him! After a few weeks, he came to the decision on his own and is looking forward to attending.
This experience has been especially interesting for me: both of my kids ended up at schools that werenāt as high on their college lists in the beginning of their senior years, but ended up in a very different mindset by the end of the year and decided to go in a different direction. In my S23ās case, his choice was excellent and we cannot imagine him at another school. Weāre hoping this will be the same with S25! We live in a suburb of the city, so S25 will be able to explore areas heās never seen, and he will still get to visit some of his favorite restaurants and cheer on his hometown sports teams. Itās a great school with stellar programs for what he wants to do, so we feel fortunate that he was given the choice to make in the first placeā¦
And, as an asideā¦the summer in between high school and beyond is a tricky one for even the most well-adjusted kid. They donāt know where they belong, and thereās a lot of uneasiness surrounding what life will be like in this new phase of their lives. Iām sending everyone hugs because this transition phase can be so tryingā¦but will be over soon, and these kids will go on to do great things!
37 Likes
I am so happy to hear about kids making their decisions! I can relate to having a kid choose a college that wasnāt as high on the list early on. The college my child chose was actually second to last on his list after we visited 1 year ago. It gradually rose throughout the process. Fast forward to this year, and we all just knew it was where he belonged when we went back to campus for the admitted students day. This has been a long year of growth and my son figuring out what he really wants for the next stage. My son will also be close to home, which definitely has its perks! Congrats to your child and also to your family @Julmarmc on the decision. I am thinking of all of you out there still in the decision-making process. We were there in the land of indecision so recently that I feel for you all!
16 Likes
Hugs!
My daughter spent Friday afternoon and evening crying in her room. This is a young woman who just figured out how to do her taxes by herself, who has taken over all the responsibility for her own healthcare (prescriptions, appointments, etc.), who travels independently, who got a TON of money in scholarships, who is mature and level headed, and suddenly she is crying in her room for hours about how she is disappointed in herself.
The main problem seems to be that she canāt wait to leaveā¦ but knows she is going to miss us and miss home.
College is a HUGE step for our kids.
Someone a few posts ago said that āthese are adults.ā I disagree. They are children walking around in adult bodies. They arenāt little kids, but they are NOT full fledged adults either. They are scared, excited, happy, stressedā¦they donāt want to disappoint us or themselves.
25 Likes
- even the mature ones arenāt full matured ..I mean we know brains arenāt fully developed yet!
AND big changes are hard for adults too:)
14 Likes
Oh how we forget this! Well said!
7 Likes
Is anyone really an adult?! I know we are supposed to beā¦
Hugs to all the fellow travelers whose kids are staggering toward the finish line.
18 Likes
I understand why your daughter is having a hard time making a decision among such terrific schools. My daughterās decision came down to Williams, Vassar, and Middlebury. She picked Williams and has had a terrific experience. There is so much support from faculty and fellow students. The student-run Writing Center is a tremendous resource.
Has your daughter spent time exploring the Center for Learning in Action site? I get their email newsletter and am always impressed by the opportunities available during the year, as well as in the summer and Winter Study.
P.S. My daughter had no trouble turning down my and my husbandās alma mater, LOL.
1 Like
My daughter will be at Penn, too!
5 Likes
DS25 is visiting Cornell ā¦ and having a not very good time. He applied ED and was deferred and got in. Thought it was his dream school. People are being nice enough, but the program house he was so excited about on paper, was much lower energy and in much worse repair than he had hoped. The classes are not as exciting to him. The Jewish community is very sweet and kind, but many fewer people than he expected, came to the egalitarian service on shabbat.
But then he called someone from his HS at his other top choice, UMD. That person told him that engineering is really hard and he wonāt have time for any electives if he goes to UMD. I looked up the courses and thatās literally not true. DS has many AP credits and I can see where the electives would go in his schedule. I think he wants us to tell him not to go to Cornell. I donāt want to do that.
The money is really great (merit scholarship) at UMD. Many of our friends/colleagues in his engineering major/field have said that the opportunities are at least as good at UMD. The Hillel is much better at UMD. The only thing pulling him to Cornell, as far as I can tell, is that it used to be his dream school. Any advice??
I went into this visit telling him, make sure itās your dream and you love it and we will pay. But heās not loving it.
16 Likes
Engineering is really hard everywhere. Heāll still have time for electives. And probably more time for electives at UMD since my recollection is they are more generous with AP/DE credits than Cornell.
IMO, Iād tell him to listen to his gut feelings about Cornell. Iād also make sure that he knows that you will support him in whatever decision he makes!
Good luck!
9 Likes
Add us to the group of BreakingDownAllOfASudden. The trigger this weekend was the track meet. Track has been such a challenge for S25. After the hamstring injury at the end of sophomore year, he spent most of junior year rehabbing. It was disappointing, but he kept reinjuring it, and he wanted to go into senior year strong. He was upset, but figured it was ok because he still had senior year when he and his friends would rock it.
Senior year dawns and the hamstring is healed, but S has lost his spot in the relays with his friends - younger, faster runners have taken it. This is really upsetting to him, as the four senior guys had been planning since freshman year to try to go to states together, but he deals with that disappointment. Then the season happens - and all of his meets are cold, wet weather. He has crap times for his sprints - partly because heās scared to push full out when itās cold and risk re-injury (most of his sprints the temperature has been 45 or less this season) and partly because now heās seeded so badly that itās thrown his confidence off. He realizes over spring break that heās not going to make districts or regionals in sprints, and thereās really no more chances to qualify, so heāll hope for long jump.
We had a meet this weekend and his jumps were objectively terrible. One of them was about the same distance he got in 6th grade (he did track in 6th grade - in 7th and 8th it was cancelled for covid). (During his jumps it was raining, hard. He has the worst luck.)
Heās done so much work - heās trained hard, heās lifted and built muscle, and heās not seeing any payoff. After every meet the coach sends an email out to all the parents and athletes with meet highlights, people who have made personal bests that week, people who have won things or set new school records. He hasnāt been mentioned in a single email in two years. He has no time (or distance) better than his sophomore year teams. Heās so so dispirited.
On the way home from the meet he was nearly crying. Heās so upset about the way his senior year is ending - track is falling apart, school/grades are falling apart. This is supposed to be a fun time and heās just feeling like a failure at everything.
Thereās only two more meets for him probably, since I donāt see them picking him for districts or regionals. This Wednesday is the last regular season meet, it happens to be at home and itās senior night. He and his buddies have decided to run the 4x400 relay - which they last did together freshman year. It should be fun (well, as fun as a 400 can be), but it means he wonāt be able to try to make the post season in the thing where he has the best chance - the 200 - because there just isnāt time to do both. And the 4x400 team wonāt go to the post season, because those other guys in it have all qualified for other things, which would mean they canāt do the relay. Then thereās a meet on Saturday where he has one last chance to qualify for something in long jump and, well, itās not looking remotely likely.
I just feel for him. Heās worked so hard and given so much effort to this team (the year he was injured he served as team manager and photographer, his junior and senior year heās been the leader for stretches and warm ups for the sprinters, he assists the coach with getting the meets set up) and it makes me so sad that heās going out so bummed.
We talked a lot on the drive home from the Saturday meet about just finishing out your commitments, being proud of sticking to it even when itās hard, and the things that you can gain from helping others. I told him how proud I am of him just for trying to do so many things and not giving up. But man. It hurts to see him so sad.
33 Likes