He’s so fortunate to have you as a parent. Hugs to all of you.
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Thank you so much- this is really helpful! We did look at the CLA website, it was hard for us to tell from that website how active this program really is-- it helps to hear that there are many opportunities that come up throughout the year.
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This sounds really hard. Sending hugs to you both. 
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This. Cornell certainly won’t be easier than UMD. From my own experience Ithaca is a tough place to spend four years if you don’t love it. Cornell is great in many ways, but it can be impersonal and high stress. The culture is very work hard party hard.
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I’m so glad it’s helpful! The Center’s Instagram account is updated regularly (link at the bottom of their web page). If you have specific questions, I would message them from their Instagram page. They might be able to put your daughter in touch with students who are involved in projects in your daughter’s areas of interest.
EphWraps is another terrific community service organization based on campus and run by students. They take excess dining hall food and package it into meals for delivery to community partners. They also have an active Instagram page.
Of course, Smith and Vassar offer lots of community engagement and equally excellent academics. I see why it’s so hard to let go of any of these schools.
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Regarding “work hard party hard” - In fact, DS was particularly interested in the program house he visited because the online comments were along the lines of don’t come here if you want to get high / get drunk / party. But DS didn’t want a place where there wasn’t socialization…and I get it, a day’s visit might not show you everything. But he was saying, why aren’t they excited to talk about their program with the prefrosh?
I don’t know where he got the idea that UMD would be harder. I think maybe it’s the specific people he talked to at both places. But as a long-time HS teacher, I know that you can have kids in AP Chemistry talking about what a breeze it is, while kids in CP Chemistry talk about how impossible the class is. It’s … not because AP Chem is easier than CP Chem if it were the same kid taking the classes.
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I have to agree with @TonyGrace . My S23 is a sophomore Electrical and Computer engineering student at Cornell. He loves it and is thriving, but it’s difficult (as @momofboiler1 mentioned about engineering everywhere) and can be quite stressful. He says the key is to have a good balance between academics and a social life. And, that doesn’t mean hard partying. His social life involves everything from trivia nights with friends in Collegetown, to Cornell men’s hockey games (we got him season tickets), to the Jazz club’s concerts, to watching the Cornell ice skating extravaganza, to NSBE ice cream socials, and yes, to a few parties at his friend’s frat. (He’s not in a frat but has a few friends in frats and sororities.) This past weekend he went to a paintball outing with members from his project team to unwind after a prelim/exam he had on Thursday. But make no mistake, he and his friends study A LOT and he does get stressed sometimes.
In high school, he was an athletic nerd who had a hard time straddling both worlds, so he wanted a place where he could easily find his people. Cornell is that place. The Fiske guide describes the students as “cooler than the nerds, but nerdier than the cool kids” and he finds that to be quite true. It’s amazing to see how much he’s blossomed.
But he loved Cornell from the minute he stepped on campus for the tour. On our second visit, the weather was miserable with cool rain and gray skies and he loved it even more and applied ED.
Side note: the weather generally stinks. If your kid struggles with seasonal depression, they should avoid attending school in Ithaca.
At this stage, your DS doesn’t have time for second visits to see if his opinion changes. I wouldn’t force it. Engineering is too difficult and stressful for that, and Cornell is too expensive for a “meh” opinion. UMD is a great school. It was third on S23’s list, and I would have been perfectly happy if he went there for engineering instead.
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Is Mercury in retrograde or is it just the end of the academic year?!? Seriously, I just want to survive the next two weeks. I thought S25 was on top of things for the most part, but last night we came to blows over the amount of work not done that is due this week. I know he is exhausted, as this week of the year is always miserable with nightly band practice before the end of the year concert, which was yesterday. He has a huge project due for a class today and I think he’s done about half of it. I offered to help him with part of this morning (film yourself doing to “chivalrous” acts and then write about them in Spanish!?!) but he turned down my help. Tonight he has to stay late for the recording session of the concert music and then has THREE major English assignments due tomorrow that he has yet to start on. Jesus, take the wheel!
Oh a goodish note, he had a blast at his prom Friday and another prom he went to on Saturday night. There was a bit more “celebrating” than I would have liked, but he stayed in touch and got home safely.
Hooray on all of the college decisions! And many hugs for those of us who are holding on for dear life as this school year comes careening to an end!
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Although he applied ED, since he was deferred and then admitted in the RD round, his binding obligation to attend Cornell is null and void from my understanding of the ED rules.
If he wasn’t feeling it and didn’t like Cornell on his most recent visit, then he should enroll at UMD and not look back. ESPECIALLY if the vibe he got at Hillel at both colleges was so vastly different from each other AND Hillel is important to him AND he liked the UMD Hillel a lot more.
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It’s good to let him go with his gut like you seem to be doing because he will have to live with the decision. I don’t know what it is about admitted student days but my D25 went to hers where she had already visited twice and suddently wasn’t vibing as much with her top choice. This is after so much contact, stressing about getting in, seriously considering binding ED, and being elated about a scholarship. Now she is undecided but leaning toward a bright and shiny state school that she had applied to on a whim. It’s a good school, possibly better, but we are thrown off by the 180 - small southern LAC to large local state school 3 hours away (and 3 days to decide). FWIW, my nephew from the Boston area is at UMD in engineering and has no complaints, still has a social life, etc. He applied to Cornell, was waitlisted but had a perfect SAT, so I it seems there are similar kids from the northeast/mid-atlantic at both places. Hang in there! Feeling fretful also…
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I’ll agree with everyone else here. Engineering is hard everywhere - it won’t be harder at UMD than Cornell.
As a general rule there is not a lot of time for electives, but that doesn’t mean 0 time, and if he has AP’s that transfer in, that does create space for some fun classes.
UMD is very, very good for engineering. He’ll get fantastic opportunities there, and I wouldn’t be able to say that Cornell will give him anything more on that front.
Basically, all that is to say that Cornell was his dream school on paper, but he’s now visited and reality is different than paper. It’s ok to move on from that… UMD is very, very good on engineering (and pretty much everything), so it’s not like he’s going to a “lesser” school (I’d say the same thing for any ABET school if the student really liked it, but UMD is also well ranked and regarded)
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My child is also a STRIDE scholar at Smith and her experience has been phenomenal! She was presenting at a national undergraduate research conference within 6 weeks of the start of her first semester…and has gone on to have very high profile internship experiences in her chosen field. I say this a lot on this board, but I can’t underscore enough how powerful the historically women’s college alumni network can be. If she ends up at Smith (or MHC) she will have an automatic in with a global network of alumni from all HWCs…Good luck to your child in her decision making! She has wonderful options.
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Feeling guilty. The roommate D25 thought was all lined up now isn’t communicating and not sure if its because I reached out and said hi (although the fb message doesn’t say read, only sent.) As a parent I know this is a crazy time of the year for seniors so just being busy and focusing on high school is likely a possible answer as well. D25’s anxiety likes having things “settled” but she has surprisingly been open to just going random for a roommate as well. Just lots of decisions for these kids.
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If a roommate is going to get offended because the other rooommate’s parent reached out to say hello, then probably that isn’t a good fit. My college best friend and roommate (and eventual bridesmaid and still my best friend…) we went to each other’s homes all the time, got to know each other’s parents and siblings. I don’t find anything odd about that at all.
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Thank you! Yes I was very impressed with the STRIDE program and Smith as a whole. D25 is unsure about attending an HWC. On the one hand, she sees the benefits. On the other, she sees the benefit having a coed experience to prepare her for the “real world”.
This was my thought as well. It doesn’t seem like my note has been read either so not sure it was me.
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Do your teens check FB messenger with regularity? I don’t know any who use it, so I might assume roommate forgot it existed for a bit!
I message the parents on fb, not the roommate. I wouldn’t contact the roommate as my daughter would really kill me.
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FWIW, I message my D’s freshman roommates parents too. They posted on the parent FB group that one of the roommates (a quad) wasn’t responding to the roommate chat. That one MIA roommate was my daughter who was hiking/camping part of the Appalachian Trail with friends and had no internet service. I message the parents to let them know why D was MIA and when she’d be back. Everyone seemed to appreciate the heads up ; )
Hopefully your child’s roommate will respond soon!
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hahah
that makes SO much more sense all around 
I may not have had enough sleep last night - 
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