OMGosh, the Knot. I was a new college grad working in NYC in 1996 (thought I was hot stuff doing “web project management”) – and I almost accepted a job at the Knot. I loved loved that website because I was planning my own wedding at the time, too. 
But the group of us that became tight met on a TTC forum (trying to conceive) on GardenWeb!
All of you parents who have committed students…
What was it that was the tipping point? What was the feeling, experience, finances, or so forth that really made you or your student say “this is it!”?
I too have fake internet friends from 20-some years ago. I used to work at WeddingChannel right before 2000, and I found some long-time “imaginary friends” at TCOYF. Mostly I just needed to add a post here, so I get the link to come back and keep reading, but hey, old people unite!
Oh, I am so sorry!! This definitely happened a couple of times when my daughter had an overnight visit with students. At one school they told her that FA always went up after your first year, another said you want to study political science? Don’t go here! At another they just talked about meeting up with boys and going to frat parties (she called me and said she told them she was sick and needed me to pick her up immediately!!) You did NOTHING WRONG. If your kid was talked out of it, it is because they wanted to be. I would point out it is going to be hard to make friends your first semester anywhere unless you put effort into it. Good Luck!!
Part of it was not getting admitted to other schools that were in the “really want” group. (rejected ED from Northwestern, and RD from UWashington). So, RIT was the one that was “reach-y” (albeit with a 70% accept rate, not really a selective school), and an acceptance. The other acceptances fell away when RIT came through, although we did need to go and set foot on campus and make sure that it didn’t feel “wrong”. Once it passed that minimal bar, decision was made.
I’ve seen many cases where there was a significant and painful (or even insurmountable) cost delta. That’s a different situation, obviously.
But we were in a position where we couldn’t really in good faith argue that any of his top choices was unaffordable or inappropriate. Every option would have been fine, just presented different tradeoffs. So in theory it was his decision. Before we went to UW (and really throughout the process) I pressed him for details on why he responded to some schools better than others and he couldn’t really articulate anything. I think for him it was a strong gut feeling.
Even before our visit he was fairly certain that he wanted to go to UW.
But he was also so damned happy once we visited Seattle that it erased all my doubt as well. I prefer a more analytical decision-making process myself but honestly this just checked so many boxes and the biggest box of all was his enthusiasm. He lit up! I remembered that every choice has potential unforeseen risks and rewards and we’re really not in control of that.
Thank you! I did tell him exactly that - hard to make friends anywhere first semester. He has not crossed it off his list and he did say it went up a little bit, so that’s a positive.
But aside from that not much movement on the dial. He says all the schools have positives and negatives and he is really stuck. I’m going to have him talk to a trusted advisor to see if that can help. He needs a neutral party to step in I think.
Did your daughter end up somewhere she likes?
The tipping point for my kid and our family:
It was pretty much the same as for @goldbug - there was one campus where he just had that gut feeling of rightness. I personally hate decision making that way, but it’s what worked for S25.
For S22 it was the exact opposite. He had an almost completely analytical approach. He had decided that he could be equally happy at any of the schools to which he has been admitted, so he made a pro/con list. One school was immediately out because it was appreciably more expensive and not, he thought, worth the money. A second was out because although it only had one con, that con was really big and important to him (it was “atmosphere feels depressing”) - and that was arguably the most well known in his field AND the best price. Of the three that were left two were really comparable, so he started with those two and asked himself, looking at his pros and cons, which one edged the other out. Then he compared the winner of that with the remaining choice. Those two were less comparable, so it was more a question of which general factor (in that case strength of program v. Vibrancy of university and surrounding are) was more important to him.
It was a much longer thinking through process for S22 than S25, and I understood S22’s way of doing it much better, because that’s just more how my brain works.
We only looked at four in-state, public, rolling admissions schools for S25. All four didn’t require test scores if his GPA was at a certain level, which was key for him.
All four offered his major, but he didn’t care for the way the program was structured at one school, so that one was out.
Another school was farther than he wanted (about a 4-hour drive), and although it would have been the most “fun” option, I’m glad he eliminated this one because I was a little nervous about the party school reputation.
The third one arguably had the best program for his major, but it is right downtown and a very urban campus, and he didn’t love that.
The last school had the best combo of options – about 1.5 hours from us, small town location but felt safe and cozy, plus he really liked what we saw of the program. We went back for a major-specific tour, and that sold it for him. It’s the only one of the four that he applied to, and the great thing about rolling admissions is he found out a couple weeks later that he was in. (All four schools were comparable in cost.)
My D22 a few years back applied to a very different set of schools. She got into 5 of the 10 she applied to. (WL at 4, rejected from 1)
Of those 5, it came down to 2 that she really considered. One made sense on paper – close to us, slightly better program, lots of things just made sense for her.
But she had a gut feeling about the other one from the moment we stepped on campus – even though she had to fly there, it was in a not-ideal state, and we didn’t know much about the program even though the school itself was fantastic. (Cost was roughly the same for both schools.)
So, gut feeling was the tipping point! (And it didn’t fail her – it’s been a great experience.)
net price & medical school admissions record
I wish I had an answer for this. I don’t know if there was ever a tipping point. All the schools S25 applied to were ones that he would have been ok to go to if all other applications came back denied. And he knew they were all within what our 529s could manage.
Could it have been how kids at his school were talking about their perceptions of engineering schools? Maybe.
Could it have been his friend group’s decisions? Maybe.
Could it have been the financial aspect, even though S25 knew it wasn’t a factor from his family’s perspective? Maybe.
Could it have been how he saw himself acting on campus with other students? Maybe.
Could it have been all the deep and meaningful conversations 
my husband and I had with S25 that he couldn’t make a bad choice, given both of our college experiences changing schools or majors? Not likely, but…..maybe.
I’m glad to see other people have definitive answers for you. I guess I’m just here to say that it’s ok if there isn’t a definitive answer. It kinda stinks to not be able to pinpoint it. But it really is ok.
Hope things come into focus soon for you.
D25 took Calc AB last year (BC isn’t offered at her school). Her teacher was out for the last month before the AP exam and I don’t think they even finished all of the material. She somehow still managed to get a 5 on that exam and wishes she had signed up to take the BC exam because she probably could have pulled that one off too. I bet your kid will do well with BC especially since they are studying outside of class.
D25 is in AP stats now with the same teacher as AB last year. We were all holding our breaths this year hoping he didn’t have another baby during AP season (had 2, 2 years in a row so it was highly possible). He managed to hold off until August this year. lol
We had a somewhat similar thing happen with our Trinity College visit. It was structured oddly, with the parents and kids split up for all but the welcome address and lunch. No tours unless you wanted to stay for an optional tour after the programming was done. I loved the parent programming. We started with a panel with all of the advisement and main center heads who all seemed caring and wonderful. Then we heard from the Dean of Admissions who was excellent, and shared how they carefully craft their admissions to get a diverse incoming student body of thinkers who will challenge and learn from each other.
But S25 sat in on a poli sci class and shared after that they participated more than the 15 current students. Then they had an Ask Us Anything discussion with current students. One sophomore shared that social life still does mostly revolve around athletics and fraternity parties even though the current admin is trying to change that. After that, S25 said it didn’t feel like his people.
The campus is very nice, and people diss Hartford all the time and say it is unsafe, but coming from NYC we found it all fine. We had a fantastic dinner the night before at Parkville Market, a food hall with vendors from around the world.
On to Connecticut College next, which we visited before applying, so it MIGHT be the one. If it doesn’t click for them, we have two other schools as back up visits scheduled.
We were also at the Trinity College visit, and we really enjoyed the programming. For us, separating the parents from the students was very beneficial, as we needed our daughter to have her own independent experience with peers and make her own decision. She is the type of kid that will look to us for our opinions, and we really wanted her to “be in the environment” on her own in order to choose the place that is right for her.
I agree, the parent portion was great. Listening to the Dean of Admissions sealed the deal for my husband and I, as it sounded like he was speaking directly about our daughter and the type of essays she had submitted for admission. It is a clear fit for her.
Enjoy your visit at Connecticut College! I hope your son feels at home and finds his place. We loved the school, but between finances and yesterday’s experience our daughter has chosen Trinity College.
I remember you were hoping the Vassar visit went well so I feel for you with this experience. I wonder if it’s something that your S25 will be able to put in perspective over the next few days? Sometimes it can take D25 time to process, so the initial reaction is not the end takeaway.
I’m interested to hear everyone’s experience of when their child made a decision. School vacation is next week, and we will be doing three campus visits. Not sure if there will be an aha moment or if we will be making pro/ con lists. Probably the latter though.
I think D25 is in decision paralysis. She had a great visit at Gonzaga, but also really likes SLO. There are definite pros and cons to both…weather, distance from home, ability to easily change major, size, etc. Gonzaga will be about $13,000 more a year than SLO. Both are under our set budget.
We are making a spreadsheet for comparison, but I think someone on here had a good one that they shared? I searched, but couldn’t find it.
S25 told his guitar instructor first. I think he was hesitant to say out loud until someone else asked and then he was all on board. Although I do suspect that he probably told his dog first.
S25 applied to 4 in-state, ruled out 1 as the campus was spread out in the city and another as it did not have the exact program he was looking for.
The last 2 were his top choices after touring and could have gone either way.
He chose the one that is larger (~10K more undergrads), better ranked/rep , more expensive (~8K/year) and an hour closer. Not sure if there was anything specific for him other than just overall campus feel and potential for more internships/opportunities. He is not a chatty kid, so didn’t have a lot of discussions and I liked both of his top 2 and they were within budget.
We did this almost a decade ago, and DS decided the weekend before the last day to respond. He found something to like about every place that admitted him, and that was after 7 admitted student days. (He was WL at the 2 schools that were real front-runners, so yeah, none was exactly what he’d envisioned.) I am totally sympathetic to everyone here who is still in limbo.
Fwiw, the week after final responses were due, he got off both WL! I’m amortizing all the research and decision angst by hanging out on CC!
I hope your C25 has an amazing RIT experience! My D24 is there and it has been a very positive experience, so far. Be sure to join the parent FB group. Honestly, the kindest and most helpful group of people on all of FB, IMO.