in college!? A behavior plan? parents?
I understand this can happen in HS (though my kids rarely experienced any issues) but university is what shocks me.
Iām with you. Hitting people with a yo-yo? What the heck? The worst I experienced in my own college days was the occasional student obnoxiously trying to dominate a small-class discussion.
I havenāt heard of my D22 dealing with purposely disruptive kids in her college classes. Yikes.
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Sorry, no I wasnāt clear - this particular story was an 18yo in HS. I was talking about why some HS teachers are forced into using āflipped classroomsā if they canāt lecture productively with that kind of nonsense going on in the room.
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Our graduation was yesterday and it was wonderful. It included several musical numbers (my DS soloed 
) and a special hugging gauntlet where the graduates recessed down the aisle lined with all their teachers to say one last goodbye.
The only unpleasant part was that at the reception, someoneās father thought it would be appropriate to give out cigars to idiots who then smoked them right amongst the human beings who couldnāt really go anywhere else (small patio area at school where the reception was).
The tobacco companies are laughing all the way to the bank that another generation of credulous morons conflates this repulsive carcinogen with āmaturityā or ācelebrationā.
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Prom was a big success, but S25 ended up with COVID. Luckily, it was a quick recovery and no one else in the house caught it. He was better by the end of last week, and then he had his school award ceremony. Students are invited a few days before only if they are getting an award, but the kids arenāt told what their awards will be in advance. S25 was invited and was anxious, not knowing. He ended up with the āTriple Cā Award from the NYS Attorney General, nominated by his school and given to a student who is a strong role model and embodies community, character, and courage. He then received the schoolās Community Service Award. I cried a little.
He completed his online orientation for Conn, ranked his top three choices for his freshman seminar (there were almost too many great things to choose from), and got the approval to be in a split room double and near a single-use bathroom. Conn has been INCREDIBLE about working with trans kids and housing needs.
Now we have very little to do until graduation next week. My job is crazy busy right now, which gives me little time to be anxious and overthink things (my usual MO) for our July trip to Japan.
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ah-ha that makes more senseā¦(I mean relatively:) Definitely aware classroom management in HS can be a challengeā¦
Also, like most things I think flipped classroom can be done well for some courses, but it is HARD to do well. My kid had it for a science class and worked great, but she was a next-level amazing teacher, too. She put a TON of effort into the planning. Kid goes to an incredibly rigorous HS where almost everyone is top 50 boundā¦kids are super dedicated and anyone regularly disruptive would be booted! I think if people are flipping to avoid problems and not with deep planning and thought and care it is not at all a good ideaā¦ That said I feel for the teachers! Hard place to be.
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So great to hear about everyoneās kids being celebrated and recognized for their hard work, whether through awards or additional scholarships! That is super. And of course cheers to all the new graduates!
Well, we are finally about to settle into the summer routine around here. We finally had the official '25 graduation party last night. It was a great night of good food, a bonfire, fireworks, some camping under the stars, and late night karaoke apparently. All went off without a hitch thankfully.
S25 is working his way through the online orientation module and weāve been whittling down all the health forms. Are any other future Oles having issues with the roommate selection process? Heās managing all this stuff, but heās been having real issues with the portal. They are aware, but I was curious if maybe itās something on our end or if other Oles are finding it tricky.
Other than that, I can say that any questions Iāve had about shipping or health info have been answered within hours by the appropriate administrators. Iāve actually been pretty amazed and pleased by that.
He needs to spend some real time with the course catalog tomorrow and map out his plan for registration next week. Heāll be out of town until Sunday, and then I am out of town next week, so Iād feel a lot better if he had this done before he leaves tomorrow night.
Oh, and the plane tickets for MN are booked - yikes. Itās going to come up so quickly! So now itās down to figuring out what to pack, what to ship (if anything), and what to buy once we get there. I booked an AirBnB that has a washer/dryer so if we do end up buying his linens there, weāll be able to wash them before move-in. I had to stop myself from buying stuff in Target last week that Iād just end up having to ship. I did pick up a sewing kit thoughā¦ Knowing him, I think it will remain unopened for a minimum of one year, if not all four!
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Well, the whirlwind of this last weekend is over. In-laws & S22 arrived Fri afternoon, my mom flew in Fri night, HS graduation in the morning, low energy āopen houseā (which had a few visitors, but was mostly just the 7 of us, because apparently everything in the world was happening on Saturday, so everyone was throwing their own low attendance event, around the protests) afternoon, then on Sunday, got S22 to pick up croissants from the local bakery where I had pre-ordered on Thurs when I was reminded it was Fatherās Day this weekend, more chatting as we noshed, then pop over to church to moderate the emergency congregational meeting to approve funds for repairs, then home where the ILs had left, and the 5 of us went to sushi lunch, and hanging out with my mom for the afternoon, then drive her back to the airport at 9pm for her red-eye home.
Now the kids are going to Costco with Dad ā S22 needs a new laptop, and C25 is just going for fun.
And Iām supposed to do whatever it is I do for my job, when I mostly want to nap and binge a few episodes of something fun.
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Ah, okay! But still ā oy.
I hadnāt heard of a flipped classroom before this thread, although my S25 did take an asynchronous Latin class online where he had to watch the videos and keep up with the work himself. (It wasnāt a great way for him to learn, although I know it works fine for some kids.) And he had a crappy anatomy teacher that gave out diagrams and worksheets and never taught a single thing. I donāt think that was because of any intentional pedagogical philosophy though, LOL. He was just a bad teacher.
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I literally asked D25 today, āCan you and your roommate just decide on a rug and if you are going to rent the fridge/microwave combo and I can figure out the rest of your stuff.ā I got met with the blank stare of annoyance and āI just graduated yesterday, let me breathe.ā Truth is I know she is focused on auditions this weekend and she will not do much of anything before that.
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Update - St. Olaf is doing a great job so far with summer college preparation / orientation / communication. There have been meetings with detailed info about registration, on-on-one meetings with summer advisor, clear communication about what to expect and what classes to take, clear communication about parking and housing.
i am sure there will be hiccups, but that will be true at any school. So far I am very impressed and glad she made the choice she did.
Extra happy that her advisor suggested against her initial plan for her first semester - Physics 130 (with lab), Chemistry 125 (with lab), Calculus II, and a first-year required humanities course. He told her two hard sciences with lab and a math class will not leave her any time to adjust to college. I had been saying the same thing, but it just hits different when it isnāt your mom. 
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DS is now doing the roommate finder and he asked me, āIs this like Tinder?ā and I was like, āthis may surprise you, but Daddy and I have been married since before the internet and I havenāt ā¦ had occasion to use Tinderā¦ever. So I have no ideaā
He reminded me somewhat cheekily of the true fact that one set of his grandparents met through the ur-computer-dating, where punch cards suggested dates, in the 1960s. Grandpa swiped right on Grandma, but not the reverse, but they ended up together.
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As weāre starting the obligatory summer job and giving gentle reminders about trying to save for next year, I was wondering how much you are thinking is a realistic weekly/monthly budget for your student? Assuming that we have provided a meal plan and dorm and in many cases, carz arenāt allowed so no gas expense, most of this budget for C25 would be meals out, coffee, entertainment, maybe club dues etc. Iām especially interested to hear from parents who have had a kid in college before, as C25 is our oldest so my last related college budgeting experience was my own in 1996 
. I know itāll vary by town and by temperament. I guess Iām looking for just thoughts on how youāre putting a budget together with them. Weāre paying all the required stuff. The rest is on C25.
We had three kids in the last 5 years at college. One spender, two frugal.
Our most frugal child would spend about $500-750 total over the course of a school year. I have no idea how they did that but they are frugal, primarily ate at campus dining halls (very little take out or dining off campus) and utilized every free/subsidized activity at school to stay entertained.
Median child spent around $2000 a year in personal spending. So, a little more than $50/week on average.
Our spender spends about $75-100/wk on personal expenses and going out. So, rounding on the high side - around $3,000 in personal expenses during the school year. I couldnāt break that down for you, but can say that coffee drinks probably figured heavily into that figure.
We paid for tuition, R&B, books and set up each child with full complement of toiletries at the beginning of each year - they then were responsible for their personal budget once we dropped them off (eating out, entertainment, replenishment of toiletries).
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There was a thread in this that was active a few months back, I think from a 24 parent.
I think this is it: Setting a "spending money" budget for college -- realistic guidance
I found it interesting at the time bc I had no idea either, but I forgot about it until now.
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My S22 is super frugal. Iād say freshman year his expenses were probably less than $35/week. He was on a sports team, and maybe once a week heād grab chipotle with the guys on the team. At that point he wasnāt yet a coffee drinker, and he was maximizing his meal plan (because super frugal) so maybe heād get a burger and soda out once a week, at most.
I paid for all the other things. I donāt have amazon prime, so whenever I amazon I need to spend at least $35. So if I wanted to send him a fun random thing, Iād also throw in toothpaste, or detergent, or allergy meds if he was low. He has monthly meds that he needed to pick up at the pharmacy, and heād cover the $10 copay, but otherwise, Iād just add deodorant or whatever to the random surprise package I was sending him. (To be totally transparent, I * LOVE * sending packages. When I was in college I didnāt receive a single care package over four years, and I was so envious of the people who got them regularly. I usually try to throw in a random treat, or something silly to make him laugh, but I probably send one a month, sometimes two a month.)
He pays for entertainment - but that tends to not be too much. On campus activities are free. They do take the train in to Boston a few times per year, and he pays for the train (itās less than $10) and then whatever they do there. I think entertainment costs could vary widely depending on where your child is located. Like when you are mostly staying on campus, there isnāt a lot to spend your money on. But if he was at school in downtown Boston, I think that would be a very different story.
S22 does pay for his own fraternity dues. Dues vary widely even at one campus, and even more so nationwide, so if your student is thinking of joining a greek organization, that would require some school/org specific research. Heās also in three honor societies - I pay the dues for each of those (about $125 each, if I remember correctly) because in my mind, thatās something I want him to do to potentially help him network or resume build.
I also pay for the majority of his clothes, but during the year, he really isnāt buying new things. I get him new clothes for Christmas and birthday, and iāve bought him a suit and sportcoat. When he wants āfunā clothes, he buys those himself. But again, heās pretty frugal there. Heās found that he really likes thrift store shopping, so most of his new tshirts and halloween costumes and what not come from the thrift store.
This older child is really good with money, so now that heās off campus, I just transfer money to him at the start of the semester. That money is enough to cover his food costs for the semester now that he has no meal plan (I give him an amount equal to what his freshman meal plan cost - which was the most expensive. Iām confident that heās actually spending less than that on food, as he cooks often and inexpensively, but in my mind the overage is his āallowanceā for fun stuff. The more frugal he is with food costs, the more extra fun money he has for other stuff.)
My S25 is going to be a different story and I havenāt quite figured that out yet. Heās never been as careful with his money - both in spending freely and in monitoring how much he has. He spent close to $400 at beach week last week. Thatās ridiculous. I know he bought a decent number of things (boogie board, hat, t-shirt) and paid for some outings (mini golf). But they were supposed to buy ingredients to make lunches, and it sounds like they just went out for lunch. Each pair of two made dinner for the other 8, so that night he probably spent a decent amount on food, and two nights they went out (where he ordered something super expensive - the king crab seafood feast). But still. Thatās way too much. I talked with him about it - he canāt be spending like that at school. He claimed it was a special one time event, and he wanted to celebrate and he had gotten at least that much in graduation money so whatās the issue? The issue, of course, is that the graduation money couldāve gone towards something else and he could make every day a celebratory event if he wanted to. Sigh. Weāll have to see how this goes. Iām hoping that, as he sees how hard it is to earn enough money to pay for things, he gets a better sense of what matters to blow money on. Iām all for having a great experience that you pay extra for - but it needs to be planned and saved for, not just a whim.
(Sorry for the novel, I think you hit on a raw subject for me.)
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Thanks @OctoberKate and @beebee3 I was looking for a range so this is super helpful. C25 is pretty frugal with clothes and stuff but the child loves the Starbucks . In my mind, if we budget what I budget for myself for workday coffee, occasional lunches etc, thatās probably about right. And maybe sub in what I typically spend on gas (maybe $30/wk) for extra entertainment. Theyāre pretty good at budgeting so far. Weāve also talked about maybe setting up 1 account thatās a little less easy to access with the bulk of their savings, and have weekly automatic transfers of a set amount from that account. Kind of like a paycheck. I have found (for myself) itās very easy to spend money thatās really accessible!
I have a super frugal oldest child too! My D22 just rarely spends money off campus. Bus system is free for students (or she would ride a bike), and because of on campus ādining dollarsā that come with the meal plan, she is likely to get something from a coffee or ice cream shop on campus if she wants a treat. Her first two years she probably spent less than $50/month for necessities and a rare meal off campus. She has a boyfriend now but he is pretty frugal too so while they had a few eating out dates they split the cost of, usually they did free or inexpensive things together.
My S25 is pretty frugal also, but I think he will be more apt to join friends for outings off campus that cost money. Maybe some of it will depend on friend groupā¦ My daughter seems to mostly have fairly frugal friends!
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I think this is really key. S22ās friend group are all frugal - mostly, it seems, because they just donāt have disposable income. Iām a bit concerned for S25 because I suspect his peers will not be as frugal - it seems like many more students at his school have a higher level of disposable income. If thereās more money to spend, then people can be more tempted to spend money than to find those free or inexpensive options. I think our family āhomeworkā for the summer is going to be to really focus on budgeting and making sure S25 is smart about his expenses.
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My D22 is relatively frugal. We cover housing and meal plan and all necessities like toiletries, etc. ā and then I think my husband puts $150 a month into her account for basic spending money.
She has also worked as a TA most semesters so has earned a bit that way, but she socks away her money and then spends it on big items as she sees fit. For instance, sheās flying with a group of friends across the country next month to see a particular show ā this is something really special and meaningful to her, and a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity ā but sheās managed to put enough away between graduation money, what we send her, TA income, etc. to cover the cost of a $500 plane ticket, her portion of an AirBnB (maybe $250?) and whatever the show ticket itself cost.
It is really gratifying to see your kiddos grow up and figure this stuff out!
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