My 25 found a lot of spare change in the vending machines at high school. So, you might let your kids know sometimes checking the change slot is a good way to get quarters. 
(Actually, when we toured RIT, my kid found a quarter in a machine on the tour, soâŠ)
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Canât you walk into any bank with a $20 and get quarters? Or do they not do that anymore?
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@DivineMarshmallow Thinking of you and hoping things are moving on a better path for your D 
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Not in that town, apparently!
Probably not. Most banks donât keep that much cash around, and donât have as many open hours, particularly if youâre not a customer there.
Most banks require you to be a customer.
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Egad. I am clearly old, LOL.
TYSM. I talked to her last night and she didnât sound like herself. For one thing sheâs exhausted. For another, she was in a horrible mood, very angry and just kind of nasty. It was so unlike her. I got a lot of âyou forced me to go to collegeâ (like what else was she going to do?) and âI should have stayed in [in our home state] where I have friends.â She hates where we live and could not wait to leave.
I donât know if she really doesnât like it? Or if itâs just going to take her awhile? Maybe I overestimated her ability to bond with another school other than Clemsonâdid she have heart set on Clemson and just not tell me? We did tell her she could go there and somehow we would figure out a way to pay for it. I also donât get the obsession with Clemson because I didnât enjoy my time there. So IDK. Right now my strategy is time and space.
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Admittedly I sent about 2-3 texts a day since she left. mostly random odd ball things. She asked for a video call 5 days in. I called last night again just to wish her luck on her first day. I got the tired and annoyed âI already talked to S23 and he told me to just start ignoring you like he doesâ which was pretty rude but I know she was likely just anxious. She did share with me the social media team photo they got of her and some other girls with the first day of class signs and I responded âawwwâ but havenât sent anything else. She needs her space. S23 would never send a first day photo but I messaged him today telling him I did open his mail and sent him the photo of what it was (the responder for his new car didnât link yet to his bank account) and I didnt want him getting double charged for tolls. $75 was more than enough! He at least responded back âalready taken care ofâ but thats all I will get.
FWIW I think that is the right strategy. Hopefully she will find some kids she meshes with and some classes she loves in the very near future. Will keep good thoughts for her (and you).
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Thanks! I guess I figure sheâll either decide to be happy and enjoy her time there and the successes she has, or she wonât.
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I got a 1st day of college photo 
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I got one too! It was a nice surprise today. Apparently they had a picture station at the student union with a little chalkboard saying 1st day of school.
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I need suggestions on how to change my mindset with C25. I need to shift from the âI am a great problem solver I will fix itâ mindset to a âI will be the cheerleader while you fix itâ mindset. I am the self-described family fixer. I am good at it and feel like thatâs a primary way I contribute to our house and show love. (My love language is service.) Any other âfixersâ out there struggling with the transition to âlistening ear onlyâ for our 25s? I have been working on it all this and last year, but, itâs really hard, especially during stressful periods, like college move in! Itâs hard to discern when to help and fix and when to just nod along and stay quiet even when you have good advice to share!
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I can really relate to your comment. I donât necessarily see myself as the problem solver / fixer but I probably am. Maybe this is what my daughter was trying to tell me last night?
Anyway, something that helped with my older child was asking questions instead of jumping in with advice. Examples: what do you make of that? What do you think? What is your gut instinct? How does that make you feel? Do you have an approach in mind? What does your professor/roommate/supervisor think?
Make sure they are not yes/no questions.
Then if asked for advice: âsomething that has worked for me in the past isâŠâ, âan approach I might take isâŠâ, âif it were up to me I wouldâŠâ
Just realizing that you are there to listen and not to problem solve will help you. My goal is to talk less and listen more (but this only works when they are actually telling you things, unlike my D25.)
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A couple things â one, your dynamic with your kiddo isnât going to change completely overnight. They just went to college, so there can be a weaning period!
I often try to listen, and then Iâll say, âMay I make a suggestion?â or âI had a thought about that, maybe considerâŠâ
I donât think itâs practical to never offer your thoughts or advice â as the parent, you clearly have decades worth of wisdom that your child does not â but you can gently ask if itâs welcome or not.
Two, in terms of actually doing the fixing, like making phone calls or sending emails or physically doing the thing â yeah, you canât. Theyâve gotta do the hard life part. Tell yourself that youâll be embarrassing yourself AND them if youâre still doing the stuff they should be doing.
Thatâs within reason, of course. I still research stuff online for my kids and then ask if they want to know what Iâve found. And I still help them move and help decorate dorm rooms and all that parent stuff.
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IMO the caveat needs to be: is what is happening illegal? Dangerous? Harmful to them or to others? If the answer to any of that is yes, then parents need to step in because the student is probably in over their head.
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Yes. If itâs a serious situation or a safety issue, then of course the parent can get involved.
I was talking more about parking tickets or library fines or issues with grades, lol.
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ditto
My kid could turn it off if they chose, and doesnât care at this point.
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Also is their a mental health issue? sometimes if one is clinically depressed, or anxious they can not do certain things on their own.
But yeah, in general agreed.
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