We are home from move in/welcome weekend. What a whirlwind! Her school is super organized with the move in process. It was super easy. Helpers bring the ‘stuff’ to the rooms so that was done in about 10 minutes. We spent about 2 hours unpacking then needed to make another Target/Walmart/Home Depot run! I think we went to Target 3 times over the weekend!
There were activities/sessions through out the weekend for parents and students, some together and some separate. I liked the mix. The Welcome Mass and student blessing on Sunday were very nice and I don’t think there was a dry eye in the arena!
Every experience over the weekend reinforced what a great school she is at. The students are so friendly and welcoming. We left on Sunday feeling sad, but also very excited for her.
Today she had the Academic Convocation and meeting with her advisor. She also had a lunch with students from her department. Classes start tomorrow! First day of ‘13th’ Grade!
Well the way I move from the fixer to not that probably isn’t the best. I ask a lot of questions when they call, because otherwise we would just say hello and hang up the phone. I try not to make it like a “did you do this” but more of a “have you done anything fun” kind of thing, so it’s more inviting them to tell me something rather than asking for answers. But - and here’s the maybe not great part - I struggle to just step away, so I buy stuff. Like last year I could tell S22 was just down, so I sent him a random “emotional support potato” (for real, it’s a potato stuffed animal) and some fancy granola bars. Like, I can’t fix your problem, so instead let me send you something that might make you laugh or make your day easier or take a chore off your list. One week I knew he and his project team had a late night of project work planned and I sent pizza and cookies to be dropped off. I spend more money than I should with all this, but it makes me feel like I’m doing something to be supportive or to help him.
I think this is amazing and it would’ve made me feel better! It sounds like you have a great approach.
I definitely made progress backing off last year at school stuff. I didn’t talk to a teacher or other school staff person all year. I even stopped checking power school except at report card time. This whole early adulthood dynamic is new so I’m trying to feel my way through. I think the other thing on my mind is potentially being blamed later for not helping enough, even if your child has actively pushed you away. Though now that I think about it, I never thought that about my parents. I took pride in fixing things myself, and even if I screwed them up, I didn’t feel like I wished they’d done it for me (at least that’s the way I remember it).
It’s a tough spot, that’s for sure. I appreciate everyone’s take on it, thanks!
I assumed you could still do this too, yikes! Though I can’t say I have tried in 20 years.
Given there is no “public” way to make change (not like the PO will do it), this seems like a public service banks should do. It’s a collective action problem, though, if some stop, they all will I bet.
This is definitely a process, at least it is for me! I think some things are easier/harder to give up control (or monitoring!), I also don’t think there is one right way. Some message boards I have seen “yell” at parents if they do anything for their college kid, w/o knowing the kid at all - some have LDs, or mental health diagnoses etc., that makes a slower step-away process natural IMO. I also think there is a difference in helping kids figure out a process vs. doing the thing for them, especially in a new place. Like my kid wanted to reach out to somebody about something, and I mentioned I thought a different office would be better. I don’t feel bad about that, they have SO much to learn and stress about right now, and are sensitive to “rejection” and are fragile right now, it seemed not worth the “learning a lesson” for this! We all know our kids!
I’m still salty about how Wells Fargo wouldn’t even let me get quarters from my own shared-with-my-wife Wells Fargo account when I only had her card with me. I had two kids hanging off me and limited time and just needed to get the laundry done in the apartment laundry room and the WF tellers couldn’t have been less helpful. I swore to never open a new WF account, and, in fact, finally got around to closing my accounts there last week (the kids were finally not hanging off me; thank you move-in!) because I was still hanging on to that terrible customer service memory.
We leave tomorrow after lunch. I feel so sick and panicky. Work is absolutely insane, and I’m so worried I will forget something critical in the packing for S25. I feel like tonight should be some sort of really special send off with preplanned speeches and words of wisdom. Instead S25 chose a favorite ramen spot for a family dinner and then last minute packing. Maybe I’m overthinking this, but I can’t believe tonight is his last night at home before college. Serenity now!
A casual family dinner and finishing up packing sounds perfect.
If you forget anything there is always the Amazon fairy to the rescue.
And don’t stress about last minute words of wisdom…he has heard your wisdom for 18 years and now it is time to put those lessons into action. IMO tonight he just needs to know you love him, you are proud of him, you trust him, and you will always be there if he needs advice or back-up.
We moved D25 into her dorm at UBC yesterday. It all went well, and she even wanted to walk back to her dorm by herself after lunch so she could stop and admire all the bugs, bees and butterflies (she’s a budding entomologist). She seemed happy and confident!
There was a tiny bit of awkwardness when new roommate moved in (in addition to parents, roommate brought a friend who is not a student at the school, who stayed until 10pm). But D25 and roommate chatted for a while afterward and it seemed to go well, she says.
But THEN late last night, after DH and I finally finished our drive home, the host of the airBNB we stayed at the night before messaged to let us know D25 had left her brand new Canadian bank card at the airBNB .
So D25 will need to — in the midst of all the various orientation activities today — navigate the bus system for the first time to go retrieve her bank card from the airBNB. Whelp. Welcome to adulting my dear!
Nothing terribly exciting to report, but S25 unsolicited sent me a photo yesterday. He wasn’t in it or anything, but it appears he was at a soccer game, so he’s getting out there and doing stuff, which makes me happy. (Now lets hope he’s also going to class.)
S25 has been at USMMA 56 days, made it through 3 weeks of Indoc and last night the plebes got to go to the Mets vs Phillies game where he played the National Anthem with the regimental band. He was voluntold to be in band but is enjoying it. He joined the sailing team. And counting down the days until parents weekend next weekend where he will receive the Honor Plebe award and ribbon for his platoon during Indoc. During the three weeks of Indoc they were not allowed phones, and only got to talk briefly 2 times. We sent many letters and he wrote daily, the letters were amazing and funny and I will cherish them forever. He is thriving! Sister class of 23 returned to her school where she is going to be an orientation leader for next week’s arriving Freshmen. We are officially empty nesters!
I was so stoked! My phone said I had a text from my C25 and it had a picture!
Except it was a receipt from the bookstore for supplies, and a question on whether we were paying for those or not. sigh Transferred the money. And had a little moment about “baby’s first lab coat” (apparently that and some safety goggles were needed for the chem lab…) but I didn’t share my moment with the kid. Just good to know she went to class and is staying on track with picking up supplies and things.
FWIW, I got a text the day before from the same kid with nothing but “can you venmo me $223 for textbooks and materials”. And then, the same day as S25 sent the soccer picture, I got a text from older child… except it wasn’t a text from him, it was the text that comes when you send a request through venmo for payment, asking for $825 (for rent and parking). So ‘tis the season…
So far we’ve received three texts. One was a photo of lactose free creamer and one was a photo of lactose free yogurt, proving lactose free products do exist in Spain. The third text was a request for a money transfer. I mean, at least we know c25 is alive?
Ended up having a great last night at home. Went for ramen, watched a movie together, and S25 let me do our old bedtime routine where we talked and said prayers together. Cheesy? Maybe. But it was a nice last night.
We drove the nearly six hours to Terre Haute today and are hanging out in a hotel now. Tomorrow at noon there’s a 2 1/2 hour pre orientation for kids with accommodations through the accessibility office. Will be nice to meet some other families and hear more about campus resources. S25 is really excited to be here and I’m so happy for him!
I don’t think the bedtime routine is cheesy at all! I think it’s lovely. We tucked in DS our last night with him. First I put his stuffed animals in his bed, one with his sleep mask, and said in squeaky voice, “I’m not sure there’s room for you in here,” which he thought was hilarious, “I’m pretty sure I am going to make room.”
The only wrinkle we had at drop off is that DS came back from the shower wearing his towel, which is huge and went down to his ankles (so I thought it was totally appropriate in public), and two girls giggled … unclear if at him or not. Whatever. I’m going to buy him a utility cart so he can bring more stuff into the bathroom (clothes??) - because there’s no way to carry the shower caddy, towel, carry laundry back, etc. What are people supposed to do? I remember we had our own little bathroom cubby in my down-the-hall bathrooms, and DH only ever had suite bathrooms in all-male spaces.
DH thought they thought he was cute, but it made me very uncomfortable. Isn’t it kind of yucky to wear the same bathrobe there and back i.e. sweaty and then clean?
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First I put his stuffed animals in his bed, one with his sleep mask, and said in squeaky voice, “I’m not sure there’s room for you in here,” which he thought was hilarious, “I’m pretty sure I am going to make room.”