Three days before move-in day S25 was snappy and spent almost all day in his room, not wanting to interact much at all. Realizing that was his way of coping, we left him alone and I was able to control myself (hard to do) and not nag about getting ready on time with the last things remaining to be done. The day before he was ready and excited, and packed like a champ.
I was given the advice to let your child lead the way in how they want to arrange their dorm, what goes where, etc. So on the drive to drop off, we told S25: itās your dorm and your space, you and your roommate decide how you want it so just tell us and we are excited to help you! So glad we did that as it made the experience a very positive one.
I didnāt spend any time giving him last minute advice. I figured my job was done and he would reach out in case he needed any advice. In the weeks before move-in, we didnāt say a word about ādo thisā, ādonāt do thatā.
The move-in was scheduled to start at 8:30 am but we got there at 8:15 and that was good as we were allowed to get started right away and avoided foot traffic.
The day was packed with activities, so we got to spend all day with him and when it was time to say goodbye, it was a fairly quick and sweet goodbye with a tight hug and off we went! We were just so excited for him and he surely felt that.
Iāll go with - try not to have any expectations. I thought I knew how the day would go, Iād done this before after all. Then we got S25 moved in and he was done and sent us awayā¦ At 9:20 AM. I thought weād do lunch or last minute target or snack runs but nope, nothing. It threw me for a loop. So Iād say just do your best to follow your childās lead and be ready to adapt to wherever they are leading.
I followed the lists here of things to bring (scissors, mallet, large trash bags, door stops) and that was very helpful. Donāt be afraid to be openly loving to your child, but they may react any number of ways (and itās not because of you).
I completely agree with managing expectations and let them take the lead. The day of dropoff he was quiet, but we gave him space and once we got there he perked up. We helped bring things in, but we were sure to ask where he wanted things and how could we best help him, rather than directing what he should do. Once the roommateās parents left, we could sense they were ready for us to leave too. We were not there that long, but we were ready for this because my husband and I both remember that feeling of wanting to get started on this adventure on our own. We left before he asked us to and it was a nice goodbye. It felt so quick to me, but we were so excited for him. They had a farewell zone for parents set up outside where you could write a note to your kid that would be in their campus mail. We sat there after our goodbye and had a snack and wrote a letter because we werenāt quite ready to drive away. We also planned a drive and a dinner (ended up being a late lunch) for us after because we knew we would need the distraction from what just happened. Kidās school is about 40 minutes from ocean, which is my happy place so we went there.
I guess my overall advice is just read your kid. I have friends whose kids wanted them to do all the activities and have a last lunch but also other friends who felt they probably overstayed and their kids got grumpy.
Our ādrop off ā was very different because we dropped C25 off at TSA at the airport and it was ābye, love youā and they barely looked back. We really tried to frame the day with excitement for C25 for all of the possibilities and adventures available to them. That helped a lot on the long, quiet drive home.
PS- those blue IKEA style bags ROCK. Those things packed full made it across the Atlantic with zero issues. We did double bag them just in case.
Just know that it may not be the picture-perfect milieu that youāre hoping for. It can be stressful and hot, and you might all be grumpy, etc.
And yes, absolutely take cues from your kid. My S25 was really stressed and nervous about moving away, and he tends to get overwhelmed easily and shut down.
So it was helpful for him that I and his two sisters tried to shower him with love by getting everything set up. He had no interest in organizing or decorating, LOL ā but he was content with the school flag and some movie posters on his walls (heās a film major).
It was a small room for five of us, so my husband helped where needed (we flipped the bed frame over so we could set the mattress lower), and then he went to sit in the lounge next door to get out of the way, LOL. I had S25 work on setting up his computer and monitor and gaming stuff because that was his comfort zone. And then my girls and I basically did everything else. We took a quick break and walked to the dining hall for lunch ā and S25 was quiet and barely ate, which is how we knew he was stressed.
We left him with everything unpacked and organized, pictures hung, etc. And the room felt cozy and comfortable. We left well before the mandatory floor meeting in the evening without much fanfare ā just took a quick family picture, gave hugs, told him he was going to do great, and got out of there. This is what worked for my kid (and gave me some peace of mind!) ā but yours might need something totally different.
This made me smile. Definitely the case for older S. He went a week early to do some group bonding trip - hiking 10 miles a day & camping on the Appalachian Trail. That was a nice idea, but he had emergency wisdom tooth surgery the week beforeā¦ that wound up getting infectedā¦ leading me to have a COMPLETE crying meltdown at the Walmart pharmacy the night before BEGGING them to stay open a few extra minutes to give us the antibiotics. (They did, but I couldnāt walk past the pharmacy for a month out of shame.)
Drove up early the next morning. Planned to help him unpack, eat lunch, and then they were to leave in the afternoon. Get there, everything is going wellā¦ Roommate & family there. Super nice. We are unpacking and rearranging furniture, while older S goes to get more info about the trip, and to pick up all the camping gear he was borrowing. Comes back a while later, says āWeāre leaving now. Bye!ā Runs out the door. And that was that. We looked at each other, shrugged, dropped everything and drove home. Quite anticlimactic. And then no cell phone contact for a week wonder if he going to be able to make it in his conditionā¦
Younger Sā drop-off was much more normal. Move in early, make a Walmart run, big hug, and drive home.
FWIW, I had the same crying fit at our pharmacy the night before S22 was going on an 8 week study abroad thingā¦ mine wasnāt because they were about to close, but because they werenāt going to give me the meds because it was one day too early for a refill. So you arenāt alone and theyāve definitely seen this beforeā¦
Oh! And one more thing, keep the sanctimony to yourself about the āother familiesā needing to do the last-minute Target run. This too will be your fate. Or so it was mine.
Parent of a HS Class of 2024 here. Have done 2 college drop offs now. The 2nd one felt harder than freshman year. Both times, especially freshman year move in & drop off, it felt BEFORE we got there that move in day was going to be super long and a very momentous occasion.
In the end, it flew by in the blink of an eye and boom, all of a sudden, itās all done. And I was left thinking, āWait! I want more time! I want 1 more hug! 1 more meal together! This is it?ā
At D24ās college, the day after move in, they had a half day of parent orientation stuff, which included lunch in the dining hall with your kid, followed by 1 last meeting w/a VP or director of student affairs (that guy was awesome). And then boom, it was all done. At the end of lunch, D24 scampered off and said, āok gotta go, bye!ā
We didnāt fly home until the next day, in the hopes that D24 would suddenly need something last minute from Walmart or Target, but that didnāt happen. And in the days afterwards at home, it felt quieter and strange w/o her there. But weāve adjusted. And itās okā¦because after all, the whole goal is to be able to launch your kid into that big beautiful world out there so they can fly on their own, right? We only get to keep them for a short period of time. It goes by in the blink of an eye.
In the meantime, I settle for periodic phone calls + D24 & I send IG reels & memes to each other about once a day. Itās usually something silly.
College freshman move in is a huge period of change for both you and your kid. Lots of emotions. Just ride the wave. Itāll be ok.
For the move-in itself, a concrete suggestion to be willing to ask about what you donāt know. The college has this down to a science, but that might mean that they donāt know what you donāt know. When dfbspouse moved C25 in at Hofstra, absolutely everything weād gotten from them said to āEnter at the north gateāāeven though the online campus maps (with one exception that we didnāt find until afterward) donāt say which entrance is the north gate, and none of the entrances to campus are actually even on the north side of campus!
In our debrief afterward, she said it went fineāit turns out it didnāt actually matter where you entered, there were signs everywhereābut it would have saved both her and the child a bit of stress if sheād just called the admissions or orientation office the day before and asked for clarification.
Postscript: It turns out that Hofstraās ānorth gateā is, kind of weirdly, in the middle of campus. Thereās a sizable road that runs through campus (with pedestrian bridges over it for the students to use), and the north gate is the entrance from that road onto the north half of campus. So yeah, it makes sense, but only after you know how it makes sense.
D25 called today to ask my opinion on a question prompt for her debate class. Her and I actually are not on the same page about religion and she asked me some thoughtful questions and I think between the class and my comments opened her eyes to some different viewpoints. It was actually a nice conversation. Love to see her brain growing!
Oh, and I got the āI am making a list of things you need to bring when you come up in a couple weeks for Parents Weekend. The list is pretty long alreadyā message. The college parent sherpa duty.
S25ās roommateās mother is headed to their school for the football game and asked if there was anything I wanted her take to him. I texted him, and he said he didnāt need anything. I guess our (my) list making and packing was a success!
D25 is at a tryout this morning for a club sport. I am glad she is taking a risk and putting herself out there. So far she is liking her school and classes and seems to be adjusting well.
S25ās friendās mom was driving out a few weeks ago and offered the same. When I asked him, he said he was having trouble getting the wet laundry from the washer over to the dryer on the other side of the room easily. (Heās got some motor skills challenges.)
So I sent him a plastic laundry basket (he just has a laundry backpack), and I filled it with his favorite Trader Joeās snacks. He was pretty happy to get those, lol. Maybe send some treats if sheās offering!
I am glad she is taking a risk and putting herself out there. So far she is liking her school and classes and seems to be adjusting well.