While I don’t want to get off topic, being a feminist simply means believing in equal rights for all genders.
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When I think of the person I was at 17, and the person I was ten years later at 27 (when I got married), I’m so glad that 17 year old me didn’t have to have permanent (or at least hard to extricate from) choices. Not only was I occasionally a moron at 17, but the person that I was just changed so much during those years. I really needed that time to figure out who I was going to be, rather than being just a reflection of what I thought I should be.
I mean, I know we certainly grow and change for our whole lifetime - I’m not the same person now at 50 as I was at 27 either - but those late teen and early 20’s years are just full of so much. I think it would be a very unique person who knows enough about themselves at 17 to settle into a long-term path that is challenging to change.
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I met DH on the first day on my first year of college. At 17. We married in our early mid 20s. Going strong more than 25 years later.
I don’t see the problem with someone wanting to find their spouse and being upfront about that being a priority during college. It won’t be everyone’s priority (and that’s more than ok) but it being this particular young woman’s priority isn’t an issue as far as I can see.
This young woman will spend the next 4-5 years growing up, learning more about herself and the world around her. Maybe she meets her future spouse immediately, maybe she meets them at senior year.
If ‘ring by spring’ is a common colloquialism at Baylor then the attitude and environment are clearly dedicated to young men and women both who are interested in forming long term romantic bonds.
No one here has a crystal ball on whether this young woman will find her partner immediately, will marry them on the younger side or possibly get divorced in the future. As such, my inclination would be to mind my own business when it comes to her openly stated desires to find a spouse during college. Same as if she had said her desire was to study a field that seems to be in decline job opportunity wise (for example = journalism). Just because many are losing their jobs in the journalism field doesn’t mean some won’t continue to get hired and do well.
I’m sure you are reacting from a place of protective mama energy but it comes off as being super judgmental of this young woman’s goals and priorities. Which are none of any of our business.
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Oh my goodness, this is exactly how I have been feeling, and how what felt like an OK transition for the first few weeks has kind of derailed for me a bit the past week or so.
I went to see S25 this past weekend, and those feelings were totally amplified. With his girlfriend also there for the weekend, all this discussion about “ring by spring” has me absolutely terrified, not just because they are young and I want them both to develop more fully into adults before they get too serious, but also because it’s like not only have he and I entered a different phase in our relationship because he’s left for college, but someone else is definitely getting all those details that I so long to hear. Double gut punch in a lot of ways. I don’t regret going to see him one bit, but I do regret not being better prepared for how it might make me feel to leave again. I also felt a little like I was watching a flashback to my freshman year when I too started my college years in a long-distance relationship that I firmly believed would be it for me (it was not). The whole thing was very surreal and jarring. We had a good talk about it all though, and at least now we have both shared how we’re feeling about all these changes. We’re better equipped to give each other some grace as we work to redefine our relationship.
That being said, we are going to parents’ weekend when it comes around, but I think it will only be for this year. The husband and I have been working on reconnecting as well. At first everyone said this was like a “honeymoon phase”, and I said it’s actually more like dating again. We need to get to know each other again after so many years of focusing our energy on parenting and not as much/enough on each other. So we’re doing little things like going out to dinner and going on bike rides, etc. No big trips planned yet, especially since they aren’t in the budget, but it is going to be a process.
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You are assuming that everyone at the school believes the ring by spring culture is beneficial, or that it is a positive colloquialism, and that is not the case. I can find dozens of articles going back a dozen years or more about that culture on various campuses and how both the students and the professors find it harmful, especially for young women, who find the societal expectation of a “ring by spring” to be way too much pressure and who subsequently might make a life altering choice that they otherwise would not have made.
This article is eye opening. In one study, 67% of women attending a particular college felt pressured to be engaged by graduation, but only 22% of young men felt the same.
Why do we send our daughters to college? Why did we attend college? Is it primarily to meet a spouse? Or is it to pursue higher education, establish the foundations of a career, have a chance to develop into a young adult intellectually, ethically, spiritually, and even physically? If my daughter meets her future spouse at college, great. If she doesn’t, then that’s fine too. IMO she has enough to figure out right now without either external or self-imposed pressure of also meeting her spouse. Again, if she does meet someone and they both grow together, wonderful. But IMO it should occur organically and not because of the pressure of a timeline. There is a difference between saying “I hope I meet my spouse while I’m young and at college” and “I’m here to get married.” Obviously this is my opinion; a lot of what we write here are our personal opinions and experiences, so why are you chastising me for mine?
It is wonderful that it worked out so well for you and your husband. I am certainly not judging you nor the choices you made. Your comment about me judging the young woman is unfair in that I specified it is not about HER but about any 17 year old expressing the same desire. A 17 year old has been driving independently for basically a year. They cannot vote, rent a car, rent a hotel room, or buy alcohol. The biggest decision they will make in their lives—affecting every bit of their future success and happiness—deserves sober and cautious reflection, and not just starry eyed teenage romanticism.
As for “minding my own business”, what exactly do you think I’m doing IRL? My daughter brought up something in conversation with me that shocked her a bit; we used it as an opportunity to discuss her values and priorities, as well as our expectations, and I made a throw away comment on here. It’s not like I’m going to this girl’s parents and saying anything. I care about my daughter and the choices she is making, and there isn’t a whole lot more to it than that.
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Until I saw this phrase on instagram a few months ago I never heard this phrase or even knew people still thought of this is a goal of college (except maybe 90 year olds?)
I knew of getting a “Mrs” degree - but knew of it of something from my parents era.
I never see or hear in anything like this in my actual life- it seems like all on internet or, presumably, very different circles than mine
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Exactly. That is why my daughter was so shocked. There’s been a lot of discussion lately about getting married younger especially in light of comments from conservative commentators, but that is more in reaction to hook up culture (which my daughter is not in favor of either.)
Hookup culture continues to exist (and has, for centuries), but it isn’t nearly as prevalent as people generally think—people pretty reliably overestimate the sexual activity rates of their peers when they’re in their teens and twenties.
And on top of that, Gen-Z is simply having sex less frequently and with fewer partners than previous generations at similar ages going back as far as we have even remotely reliable measures (read: to the late 1960s or so).
Anyway, not 100% germane to the wider discussion, but an important thing to keep in mind when we’re considering the social (and sexual) world our emerging adult Gen-Z kids are in right now.
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That has got to be a TX/southern phrase. Have never heard it in my 54 years in either CA or MA. Yikes
It’s more of a religious college phrase, as well as at colleges of other types where there is a high level of at least nominal affiliation with religious groups that have traditionally encouraged earlier marriages (though, I will note, it’s often used non-seriously at all locations where it’s found).
California (especially coastal California) and Massachusetts have, at least in recent decades, lower numbers of those characteristics—though I strongly suspect it exists at places like, say, Azusa Pacific University, and maybe even at Pepperdine.
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I’m southern and 58, and I’ve never heard that expression. I’ve heard of an Mrs. Degree, but associate that more with my mother’s generation. (She’s an octogenarian.)
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It’s tongue-in-cheek, pretty sure. 
I only know of it because I have a kid at a private school in Texas, so I compare notes with a friend who has kids at a large Texas state school. The drama that pops up in the parent groups is often funny, and the cultural difference between the schools is interesting!
I think you missed my point entirely but getting into it is a touchy subject right now, so I’ll leave it at that.
No, no, I got your point, I just used that mention as a jumpoff point into something related but different.
Gotcha.
Oh! And happy cake day!
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Thanks!
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formatting issues. will try again later.
Survived parents weekend. 6 hr drive Friday just to drive back 6 hrs on Sunday. But we have a kid who is adjusting well. We brought the sweatshirts she asked for as she didn’t take cold weather gear at move in. We will bring winter gear for our visit next month. We brought her favorite 7Brew drink, Raising Canes, and pizza from the shop she works at when home as she was missing them.
Her requests were steak for dinner because shes over chicken in the dining hall. RuthChris was our best option in the area so not cheap but she had leftovers. A Target run was required for a few basics (laundry soap, face cleanser, and cold medicine mostly). We got her Insomnia cookies too. She wont have to eat at the dining all week!
We tailgated a bit and went to the first half of the football game. 86 degrees on the bleachers and she wasn’t feeling great (her cycle is off and she was crampy-she doesn’t drink alcohol). So we took her back to our air conditioned hotel room as her dorm doesn’t have ac and she napped. We then walked around a little downtown street event and had personal woodfire pizzas and then had to get ice cream.
Today shes attending a drop in dance class and this weekend shes headed up to a retreat. Shes keeping busy in a good way and Im very proud of her! We talked again about how her friends are settling into their colleges and shes good with our approach. I took her comments as compliments I guess. 
And she found someone she wants to room with next year if she doesn’t RA. Her current roommate is fine but isnt in the room a lot. My daughter reports the girl is in about 5 situationships and is just happy shes kept it out of their room. My daughter gets slightly annoyed shes doing all the cleaning and garbage/recycling drop offs but just does it as roomie isnt there often.
And shes thinking of changing from youth studies minor to family studies minor because she really likes one of her professors and he does more family studies classes. Shes still good staying with social work major.
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