Very happy for your daughter! I also hope that the cousin has someone in their life who they can talk to and help her get back on track.
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I got to see both my boys this weekend! I havenāt seen them since mid August. S25 was going to spend the weekend in Athens but surprised us and came home Friday night. I was expecting to only see him at the tailgate and at the game, so getting to go out to dinner him was really nice.
S23 attends UGA and was very helpful to us in getting the tailgate set up. We had about 30 people. Plus all the friends that stopped by for a bit. We sat with S25 and his girlfriend and S23 sat in the student section. S25 got a late start leaving on Saturday morning so he missed seeing his brother at the tailgate and they made zero effort to see each other during or after the game. (S25 did make the effort to go to his grandparents seats to say hello. ) I had to laugh when I looked at my phone Saturday night, and they were at bars next door to each other!
I guess theyāll see each at Thanksgiving.
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S25 is having a great time, but man is LA expensive, and LMU has lots of kids where money is no object. Heās got a good head on his shoulders, is working a campus job (school sports videographer), and is generally conscious about spending money, but my wife still got the call for āhey, i need more moneyā. Lolā¦ itās fine, but a reminder of how expensive everything is.
All in all though LMU has been the perfect fit for him. He loves it there, and I might not ever get him back full time in Virginia again.
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Iām very glad for your D, but thatās really sad about the drop out. We also have an extended family member who is a desperately unhappy freshmanā¦hates the college, hates the roommate, is constantly calling home cryingā¦this is not what anyone hopes for and it is very sad and disappointing.
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Speaking of all the parents weekend-type things going on, a pair of texts from my C25 this past Friday, with local timestamps, that arrived back to back in the family chat thread:
- 11:56 AM: I think parent and family weekend was specifically engineered to make students who live far away feel bad
- 12:13 PM: Update: I ate lunch and now I am at piece with the world
So, um, thatās good, I think?
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I think parent and family weekend was specifically engineered to make students who live far away feel bad
Relatedly, I think itās similar with fall break (the making some kids who live far away feel bad). On our college parents facebook page, a parent was complaining that the one (out of three) cafeteriaās that was open for fall break closed at 8pm on Friday before break and not 9pm like usual. Sure, her kid couldāve found that out from the many places that the school shares that information, but it was 8:30, her kid was hungry, and there would be no food available until brunch time the next day. Instead of some compassionate responses, so many people were like ājust leave!ā or ājust go home for fall break! You donāt have to stay there and complain about it! Campus is closed, stop whining!ā
Um, no, campus isnāt closed. And for people who donāt live in easy driving distance, and the many many OOS kids who donāt have cars to āget somewhereā it just felt really closeminded. Maybe it hit close because we had intended on having S25 stay before he basically told us he needed to come up. But that coming home wasnāt easy - it was over $500 for the plane ticket, and getting to the airport was complicated. Yes, Iāve got $500 I could spend, but not everyone can do that, particularly the OOS parents who are paying much much higher tuition than instate. I mean, I get it, we all signed up for this when we sent our kids to this school. But the responses to this frustrated mom were just so tone deaf. Even the people who were all āgo home with a friend!ā well - thatās not always possible. Not everyone has made friends yet, and even those who have may not have gotten an invite home. My kid is actually really good friends with some local people - but they were all leaving Thursday night and he had Friday morning class, so he couldnāt go with any of them. Anyhoo, enough whining about thatā¦
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My D22ās schoolās parent FB page is filled every year with parents complaining about how parents weekend falls in the middle of midterms, and how professors are so mean for assigning work that weekend, etc. Indeed, many parents report that they flew in, saw their kid for 30 min to 1 hr the whole weekend, then flew home.
Lots of parents even go to the tailgate and football game without their kid, because said kid is busy. (Spoilers, no one really goes to the football games at this school anyway, whether parents are there or not. 
)
It all makes me feel less bad that Iāve missed every single parents weekend because my D26 has an extracurricular that always falls on that weekend, and I have to support the kid I still have at home.
This year, coincidentally my D22 was in a production of Midsummer Nightās Dream that fell on parents weekend, so the theatre was packed with parents who didnāt know how else to occupy their time without their kids. She was thrilled! 
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Have somewhat similar at 25s school. They have a 4 day fall break (Sat-Tues) then parents weekend the following weekend - kids arenāt supposed to have things due on the Sat-Tues, so then up with lots on parents weekend! Many upperclass parents warned of this, and say they do parents weekend only the first year, then visit (or have kid visit) on the long weekend/break instead. Hotels are cheaper and kid has more time. Makes lots of sense!
Glad we did parents weekend this year, was a lot of hoopla, and events - even if we did some solo. I do think next year we will skip it, and meet up another weekend instead.
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I understand your whining here. Iād be annoyed at those other parents too - lol.
Thank you! I mean, I really, REALLY, donāt want to turn into one of those parents who canāt see past the special snowflakeness of their kid, or the ones who arenāt able to let go enough to let their kid adult and/or experience things that suck sometimes. But I just wanted to reply - dude, extend some grace to this parent! Just remember that not everyone is in the same situation and you donāt know what may be going on!
Sigh. Iām just in a social media cranky place right now.
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We havenāt seen D25 in two months. No parents weekend, no American Thanksgiving, and no kid for another ~60 days. There is a reading break, but it is meant to prep for finals. We talk and text frequently, but I think the distance has really helped the nestling to fly independently. It has been painful at times when she goes through some decisions that Iām not thrilled with, but thatās the ballgame. Sheās also learning how to advocate for herself, realize how many things one has to do, and realized that she is too poor to have an Uber habit (praise the frugal gods). She has made friends in orientation, her dorm and dorm-adjacent, her classes, and in her sorority that she joined. The sorority rush experience was quite remarkable and if I knew how competitive it was, I would have had different ideas about it.
Sheās in the middle of midterms now, which is very different than when I was in college. Instead of one week of hell, they spread it across a month, so most people donāt have more than 1 midterm per week. Bad for her social life (boo hoo!), but when 35% of her grade is in the balance, she knows to buckle down.
I enjoy reading all the updates and seeing how many similar things weāre all experiencing with our 25 kiddos!
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Iām glad we went for fall break instead of parents weekend. S25 was pretty bored for the day and half before we showed up for fall break, and I canāt imagine him spending the entire weekend alone, even though a few friends were around. And parents weekend he has his final rush event and most likely mountains of homework.
He had a little mini-meltdown last week. He texted me at 11:30 pm his time saying he had a Comp Sci assignment due at midnight and had waited too long to start it. He hadnāt been paying attention in class and didnāt know how to tackle it. After a flurry of frantic texts I told him to just turn in what he had. He got something turned in and then called me in tears saying that he felt behind and was having to stay up until 2:00 or 3:00 am many nights to get assignments done. After some probing it appeared that he was using the same crappy study and time management strategies from high school. (Not paying attention in class and working on assignments from other classes, waiting to start things, studying in the common hang out area of his dorm that was really distracting, not asking for help, forgetting to turn things in, etc.) I told him to email his professor and ask to meet and that he had to look into making some changes. He emailed his comp sci professor at midnight and she responded at 12:03 am that she would be happy to meet the next day to help him with the challenging concepts. He also made some big changes since then and has been spending most of the day in the library between classes and in the evening. He says he is so much more on top of things and is able to pay attention and engage in class becausse heās not staying up so late. Honestly, Iām shocked at how quickly he adjusted his approach. So I guess this little freak out was good for him, as it led to him seeing he needs to make some changes. But socially, he is living his best life and is absolutely thriving in the Rose environment. Grateful heās doing okay, and counting down the days until we see him for Thanksgiving.
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You know what I find really helps? Doing Facetime or WhatsApp rather than just a phone call. No matter how long the phone call, the visuals of seeing their face on Facetime or WhatsApp (or Zoom) makes a huge difference in feeling connected. I suppose humans are truly visual creatures.
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Yep, this is a big revelation that a lot of kids have to go through freshman year: āAfter some probing it appeared that he was using the same crappy study and time management strategies from high school.ā Itās like that scene of Lucy & Ethel in the chocolate factory.
Yes, the other thing that is resonant is getting enough sleep. Lack of sleep (even taking naps midday) is a root cause for not doing well, and beyond that, not enjoying the full American college experience which is only 2/3 āacademicā at best.
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Seconding this.
The old joke is āSleep. Social life. Grades. Pick two.ā, but honestly, getting enough sleep often means the other two take care of themselves.
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Iām sorry to hear about the mini-meltdown, but glad to hear things are getting better.
Your S25 sounds just like my D26, and I am terrified sheās going to have the same experience in college. In fact, weāve had a bit of it this semester, when college apps and marching band leadership and a demanding STEM seminar class all became too much, and she started floundering. Itās taken a lot of support to help her dig out and get her academics back on track. But I wonāt be there in college next year to do that for her. 
Wishing him all good things as he moves forward ā itās great that heās loving everything about the school thus far!
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Yes, this is similar to the convo we had with D25 a few weeks ago, and then another convo tonightā¦ and yes it boils down to the same terrible time management/distractions issues she had in HS! She has not had as big a turn around as your son, though it does sound like sheās made progress. Sheās gone twice to get executive function coaching, and did say sheās gotten some assignments in on time, so thatās progress I guess. I told her that itās normal to struggle freshman year, a lot of other students are struggling too & that seemed to help. Plus we also talked about strategiesā¦ weāll seeā¦
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Count me in as another one whoās C25 is playing a mean game of āCatch Upā. Needing to catch up on both sleep and classwork. My child had quite a bit of help throughout high school from an amazing Executive Functioning coach employed by his school, plus a mother who reminded him of deadlines, etc. He was doing pretty well by the time he got to senior year, but the crappy study habits and time management issues are back! Ugh.
Itās tough letting him struggle through this. I help when he asks, but that is very rare, and he doesnāt realize there is a real issue until deadlines have passed or are right upon him, and he is swimming up creek.
I alternate between wanting to ring his neck and give him a huge hug. I suppose the good news (??) is that he does not seem all that stressed about getting it done.
I love that he loves his school, the location, the new friends and the fraternity that he is pledging. I wished that he also loved going to class and staying on top of his work.
He does have to maintain a 3.0 to keep his Merit scholarship, so that helps light at least a bit of a fire under him!
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There was a death (probably an OD) at S25ās school yesterday. It was a casual friend of his and his roommateās fraternity big brother. (S25ās roommate is his BFF since kindergarten, and he introduced them.) Iām just devastated by this. Especially since they lost a friend at this same time last year to suicide. (They were HS seniors, and the friend was a freshman at CU Boulder.)
Touch base with your kids today and tell that you love them.
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@CA2MA , @jthree , and @Kumihama-Cho - Iām very worried that this is going on with S25 (the delaying, poor time management etc) and heās not telling me. His pattern in HS was to say āeverything is fine, Iām on top of it, nothing to worry aboutā then when it had gotten to some kind of crisis point to come in to talk to me at like midnight about how far behind he was and how he didnāt see a way out and how overwhelmed he was, and how upset with himself he was that he let it get that bad. And what killed me the most then was how he would be so disappointed with himself, and how heād talk about himself like a failure because he let it get that bad. I would love for his exec functioning to be great, but past history tells me itās probably not. I mean, maybe the schedule and ability to take what he wants, and the knowledge that he has to do it because Iām not there to help has turned it around for him, but how likely is that really? And if itās NOT going well, and heās NOT telling me or or anyone and is holding it all internally, then Iām worried about what happens when it gets to be too much. Heās so far away and heās always been my more emotional and more sensitive kid. Iām so worried for him. I donāt want to be courting trouble, and I donāt want to be pushing him to talk to me if he doesnāt want to, and I donāt want him to think I donāt have confidence in him. So Iām not sure what to do with this. I just am trying to text him a bunch about silly things, or pictures from home, or whatever so he knows Iām thinking about him and so he remembers that Iām always here if he wants to talk. And Iāll just hope that, eventually, heās going to want to talk.
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