Yes, this is what D25 does too! This is why I’ve been sharing with her that some of the other CC first years (and likely many others) have similar struggles.
I like your idea of sending cute messages to let him know that he can reach out… I do something similar with D25 too. Hugs, and I hope he is doing ok.
And in totally different news, my niece asked S25 to be her confirmation sponsor. This is really lovely because, frankly, all the cousins seem to like my older S22 more than S25.
The problem, of course, is getting him then 9+ hours home for the ceremony. Then we found out the ceremony is Saturday next week… November 1st. Which not only means he’d have to miss Halloween at Clemson, which is supposed to be pretty awesome (especially on a Saturday) but also his first homecoming at Clemson.
Fortunately, my niece (and sister) totally got it and didn’t expect him to be here for the mass - we can have a substitute. So he’s done what he can remotely and my mom will stand in on Saturday. It occurred to me this morning that he needs to give her a gift, and a card would be good. So I ordered something for a gift today and I’ll see if it can get a card (and stamp) somewhere to send. If he can’t, at least he can text her and I’ll have a card from spouse and I.
How much do we want to bet that he tells me he doesn’t know where to go to buy either a card or a stamp?
Thank you everyone for sharing your student’s successes and struggles…it helps to know that we aren’t alone. Hugs and best wishes that things improve and/or that things continue to go well.
My D is sick for the 3rd time…this time it’s bad enough that she went to the doctor and needed a prescription. I get annoyed by her school’s attendance policy—if a student is genuinely sick, they should not be out and about on campus. (Yes I know some students fake illness and other excuses.)
On a positive note, she has made several very good friends so far (plus less close friends/acquaintances)…to have several genuinely close friends at this point is wonderful IMO and definitely encouraging. Engineering is officially dropped and that seems to be helping the stress and anxiety levels; she went to an advising session regarding her new major and she found it very helpful and afterwards she sounded the most positive that she has in a long while.
Had a nice call with S25 today - we were on the phone nearly an hour, which is unheard of. I mean, the only reason it was so long was because he decided - as we were basically done - to take a walk over to where the homecoming floats were being built and to switch to FaceTime so we could see.
Overall he’s doing pretty well I think. He’s got the freshman crud that everyone gets - lots of coughing, drainage, stuffiness, can’t really sleep because he’s coughing himself awake etc. He’s going to the health center tomorrow, but I doubt there’s anything they can do for him. I sent him with Tylenol cold and flu, I told him to take some tonight and maybe it will help him sleep.
He had all his midterms last week and “didn’t get any score lower than an 80.” Uh, that’s not exactly resounding success, but ok. He commented that he’s not going to be like S22 with his never ending quest for A’s (S22 has not had a quarter or final grade lower than A since 5th grade and, frankly, it’s produced anxiety and I wish he’d just get a B somewhere). It sounds like S25 is doing a decent job of getting most of his work in, and determining when it’s better to stay up late or when he needs to get the sleep. While I wish he were just doing the stuff at a decent hour, I’ll take it.
We also covered some other important life stuff: (1) I directed the conversation enough that he came to the conclusion on his own that he should email his advisor this week, since Spring registration is 11/3 and you have to have a schedule approved by the advisor first; (2) he decided that he should send a follow up email to his summer employers since no one replied when he sent all his paperwork two weeks ago and he should confirm they got it; (3) we talked about apartment hunting for next year, and what he should think about and discuss with his friends.
So all told, a really good and productive convo!
My update, after some time away from this site: S25 is really blossoming at MIT. The first few weeks were a little bit of a shock for him, as he was hit with the exponential increase in difficulty in math and physics courses there (compared to his high school). But, he adjusted quickly and has great grades now. Even better, he has a girlfriend now (!) and a solid friend group. I had a good feeling he’d find his people at the school and so far that seems correct. I had to miss Parents’ Weekend due to my own work, which depressed me. But, he called last night and said he was missing me a lot, which helped!
Hope everyone’s kids are doing well and that all of us parents are adjusting.
for many people that would be, just for context. would have me jumping for joy.
in general, I’m good with “nothing lower than an 80”. But if his GPA drops below 3.0 it will cost us $10k/ year. An 80 translates to the lowest B you can get, which is ok, it’s a 3.0. But if, as I suspect, he’s not turning in homework and that grade is low, that’s putting a lot of stress on doing well enough on the final exam to pull it up. It will matter less after this first semester, once there are more grades to balance out the average, but if he gets 4 Bs and a C right now, he loses the scholarship. If he’d said “nothing lower than an 85” I would’ve felt a lot better.
ahhhh that makes more sense!
very glad merit isn’t tied to GPA for us.
This is true for my son as well. But at his school, the merit is tied to the end of year cumulative GPA. I am hoping that he gets a 3.0 or higher the first quarter (he is on the quarter system), but if not, he does have 2 more quarters to dig in and pull it up.
I asked him what he thinks his current grades are and his response was “I actually have no idea”. That does not inspire confidence (but was also his answer anytime I asked all throughout high school) 
if he was failing or close to it, there is a good chance he’d be getting non-stop emails..don’t ask me how I know;)
I really WANT to sop harassing my kid, but old habits die hard. I swear that I don’t helicopter parent my other two kids the way that I do for this middle child of mine.
My S25 has the same type of merit scholarship – he has to maintain a 3.0 to keep getting it.
But he isn’t exactly a studious kid, and with his ADHD and various other challenges, we knew going in that there was a very good chance he would lose that scholarship in the first year.
It’s a little less pressure because he’s at a relatively inexpensive school. We only pay about $15K a year – if he loses the merit, it will be about $21K a year.
I know that he’s going to class consistently and attempting to do the work, although I can’t see his grades, so I don’t know exactly how he’s doing. Just crossing my fingers and trusting that he’s doing his best. If he graduates in four years, I’ll take that as a win, lol!
It’s a lot of firsts here (remember, D25 started school a month ago):
D25 turned in her first full paper (worth 1/3 of her grade) last night/today. She was anxious about it last night, but I presume it got finished.
D25’s first real midterm is Thursday (and she’s nervous).
D25 now has her first official boyfriend.
My dad had his first treatment for his cancer today.
I got to see my parents and D25 for the first time since the diagnosis/dropping her off, respectively, this past weekend. My parents seem…as good as they can be given the diagnosis/prognosis. D25 seems great overall. I’m just grateful that she’s been super faithful with our weekly call so I feel like I get a glimpse into her life.
Re: keeping a certain GPA–D25 has to maintain a 3.25. It’s not the $$ that I would miss (yes, it’s great and I’m thankful), but she gets priority registration and guaranteed housing for four years that would be the hardest part of her losing it.
This has probably been my biggest challenge with parenting – three really different kids that need completely different things from me, lol.
My oldest is an overachiever, graduated as salutatorian, is in her senior year at an elite university, maintained a 4.0 throughout, and is currently applying to grad schools. She’s brilliant, but one of those cerebral types that can translate ancient languages and yet has trouble using a toaster oven. 
She was the world’s easiest kid, and I really didn’t have to fret about anything.
And then I had preemie twins, and all hell broke loose, lol. S25 has various disabilities, and every minute of his schooling has been a challenge for all of us. The fact that he’s even in college and living independently doesn’t seem real sometimes.
D26 – his twin, but she did an extra year of schooling after kinder so is a year behind him – is as bright as her sister, with fantastic test scores and grades. She’s got an amazing visual-spatial brain and is the most creative, unconventional thinker I know. But she also has ADHD and some deep anxiety, and dealing with that is not easy. Holding my breath to see where she lands for college.
So, yeah. It’s like whiplash over here juggling how best to support each of them!