@bgbg4us I’ve got things I enjoy for sure. Just need to diversify my interests a little bit, which will come with time.
@lookingforward It’s not that they expecting better, it’s that they were expecting quite a significant leap. That’s what I’ve been criticizing.
We’re 250+ posts in, LBad, and you’re still insistent that attending a college in NJ would ruin your college career. No matter what anyone says, you stubbornly hold onto the singleminded idea that you can’t succeed in NJ and if your parents refuse to relax what you deem an unreasonable request you will fail. You’re setting yourself up for failure and you’re setting them up to take the blame. That will only be true if you let it. I think you need to embrace the idea that you can succeed wherever you’re planted.
Everything else here, while important in its own right, is a smokescreen that clouds your main issue. If you don’t earn a 3.5, your parents intend to make you transfer. You think it’s unreasonable, but your parents wouldn’t be the first to say they aren’t willing to borrow unconditionally for an OOS school. Many posters on CC have mentioned a similar requirement. I’m not seeing anything here that will sway your parents to allow you to stay. I think seeing a counselor is a great idea, but you seem to be spending a lot of time and energy on the social aspect of college when what you need right now is to hyperfocus on the academic.
You either buckle down or you don’t. It does no good to keep saying you got a 3 in hs and have a 3.1x now. You aren’t even at B+, which is the minimum for continuing many scholarships. You’re looking backward, not forward, giving all the reasons, ad infinitum, why you can’t change. Or why you want this or want that. “I want” isn’t even rational.
If I had a kid insistent on leaving home, with a B hs average and lower scores, but demanding to go away, yes, I might make the deal based on: prove it. Prove hs was a blip and you can do better. Or come home, save us the expenses, loans, arguments. This “experiment” you’re doing, this “I want to enjoy” or the focus on social aspects is expensive. You could do it at cc.
Eye on the ball, not blaming. Not claiming you’re at your max performance now and “if only.” Imagine a future with this thinking: you miss a deadline or don’t give your max effort and it’s you boss’s fault for expecting more? Or you try to explain you were working out the social aspects with a client, instead of the contract? Or, “Well, I didn’t do so well before, so you should be happy with these results?”
Focus.
So I sense the opinion here is that even though I had a sub-3 GPA (with a 2000 SAT), that I should be totally fine with a 3.5 expectation in college? Why is that, exactly? Expecting me to do better is fine. Immense pressure is no bueno, and negative reinforcement has never worked. We’d have to borrow a crap ton no matter which college I attend (as I said, NJ schools are expensive).
My words are once again being misinterpreted. I never said I have no intentions of improving, or that I’m fine with where I am, or even that this is all I’m capable of. All I’m saying is, gradual increase. A huge boulder over one’s head is bound to bring undue stress and burnout.
Dipping out for a few days, will respond to subsequent comments later.
Good idea. You need to spend less time on social media (all social media) and more time on your school work and yourself. Stop worrying so much about what others think of you and work on you. You’ll grow more that way. Everything else will work itself out. The counseling is a good thing.
Sub 3.0, you should consider yourself lucky your parents gave in and let you go to NC, have loans and/or are paying something. Lucky.
Why shouldn’t they expect better than hs? You asked for their trust and their funds. No fin aid to speak of. Are your parents wealthy?
You aren’t even at a 3.3. You don’t get that. It’s not enough to say you have “intentions” of improving. You are now in your 4th semester. You’ve mostly been taking gen eds. Meanwhile, all this talk about social and enjoying yourself and who friends you on FB, the unfair axe over your head.
And you explain with things like NJ schools being expensive-- when you might have needed to resort to a comm college. Where does this pie in the sky come from? This entitlement? What do you think they really “owe” you? Unlimited? Why?
I think what we are saying is that in order for your parents to send you “out of state”, you must maintain a 3.5GPA. Are they saying that if you cannot maintain a 3.5GPA, then college is done? What about if you were commuting to the local CC for a very low cost? Would they still be saying that if you do not get a 3.5 GPA, then you have to stop? I doubt that. The most logical read for us here on CC is that your parents are only fine with paying the higher cost of OOS if you can maintain a 3.5GPA. If not, then you need to come local to a less expensive option.
And lets not loose sight of the reality here. Being allowed to spend four years with all expense paid room and board is a luxury few can actually afford. Many people will tell you it is the best years of your life and to enjoy them. Do you know why they are the best years? Because your on vacation. Who does not like being on vacation. This is a $60K vacation. Call it what it is.
College is unbelievably expensive and as parents we have to tow the line on the expenses. Your parents are very fortunate to be able to send you to UNC. The only thing you need to do is maintain a 3.5GPA. Sounds like a good deal for you.
I think that it would be a good idea for the OP to spend a couple of weeks away from Facebook, CC, and other online social media stuff and spend that extra time studying.
Like it or not, your parents made the terms and conditions pretty clear. They told you ahead of time what the requirements would be in order for you to stay at an out of state school. They are footing the bill for your education. They are spending a lot of money on it. And that gives them the right to have a say.
That’s just the way it is. If a college student doesn’t like it, then that college student can figure out a way to fund college on his/her own. My husband had to pay for college himself and you know what? It was really hard for him. It took him a long time to graduate. He didn’t have parents who could afford to pay a dime. You are actually pretty blessed that you got to go out of state at all.
Disclaimer: tough love ahead.
It’s time to stop complaining and buckle down and study. Stop talking about it. Just do it. It’s almost March. There are probably 2.5 more months of your semester left. Work backwards from final exams and put together a plan of what you’re going to to each week…each day to bring your grades to a 3.5.
Make a list each day of the school work you need to do that day.
If you don’t have one already, get a big monthly calendar and put it up on your wall…something physical that you have to look at each day and write on that calendar all of the big due dates for papers, assignments, labs, tests, quizzes, etc.
Stop spending so much time obsessing about your reputation. About how many mutual friends on FB this girl or that girl has. About what this fraternity or that fraternity thought of you during rush, post-rush, etc. About what people thought of you in high school. About what people in the dorms thought of you last year.
IF YOU REALLY WANT TO STAY AT UNCW, THEN PUT IN THE WORK AND STUDY AND MAKE IT HAPPEN!
YOU CAN DO IT!
WE ARE ALL PULLING FOR YOU, BUT YOU NEED TO STUDY!
I’ve been catching up on your ongoing college thread. If I’m understanding the situation correctly, your parents earn less than $30k/year and they’re borrowing $29k/year for you to attend UNCW. With 2 other children to put through college, I can see why they might be rethinking the decision to let you go OOS.
@austinmshauri I hope that isn’t true. 
@itsgettingreal17, I’m hopeful that I misunderstood something too.
You are selling yourself short. It doesn’t matter what you got in high school, you can get a 3.5 GPA at UNCW if you go to class, do your homework, go to office hours for help and STUDY HARD for exams/papers. It’s not rocket science… it’s paying attention, staying organized and doing work.
Forget about Temple, it costs $30k if you live in PA.
You need to do the best with the opportunity you have been given.
Your parents are sacrificing so that you and your siblings can get a college career.
Yes, you should have some friends and have some EC you enjoy, and you do.
But primarily college is for getting an education.
College is not high school. Surround yourself with your true friends and who cares what others think?
Be patient, work hard for yourself, keep going to counseling.
The OP has stated numerous times that the cost of coming back in state would be roughly equivalent to the cost of UNCW, so for those bringing up the cost savings of bringing him back in state, that doesn’t seem to be a factor. OOS tuition was relatively low, and I believe he also received a couple of scholarships specific to UNCW and this actually made it the most affordable of all schools he had been accepted to. If I remember correctly, the only problem his parents had with it was that it was further away than they were comfortable with and were afraid he might crash and burn, but he hasn’t.
I could understand their wanting him to come back in state if the cost was less. They could have required him to go to a local CC for 2 years to save money, but for whatever reason, NOT sending him to a 4 year college was never part of their thought process despite their financial situation.
What I don’t understand (and I don’t think he does either) is why they would require him to come back in state to complete his education at another 4 year college that costs the same amount. If they have a reason other than “just because,” it doesn’t sound like they’ve shared it with him and it doesn’t appear to be about money.
I suspect the GPA requirement was to “motivate” him, but if they plan on following through, I wonder if they’ve really thought it out. He’d first have to apply and be accepted. Too late for next fall. There’s also no guarantee his GPA would be better at Rutgers. Then there’s the issue of how many credits would transfer. It’s likely he’d have to go into a 5th year. Since he wouldn’t be able to go in the fall, maybe they’ll want him to work for a semester or year, but I doubt he’d be able to make enough to pay for the added cost.
I am not convinced that instate NJ would be the same cost. He might qualify for a state grant as well.
But that is neither here nor there right now. I think there were some concerns about maturity and being so far away, so he can prove to his parents that he has matured.
Just as a point of comparison tuition fees room & board in residence hall at Rutgers Brunswick for 2016/17 is about $26,000 instate.
He might get a few thousand in NJ Tag as well. With work study and partial Pell and the student loan the parent contribution could potentially come down to $10-15 k
Residential colleges may cost roughly the same before state and federal grants are applied, but I think the amount the parents might have to borrow would be closer to $15k/year. If the family is within commuting distance of a 4-year college, they might not need to borrow at all.
If they are borrowing $29k/year for LBad, how much debt will they be able to take on for the other 2 children? The loans for just his college will be ~$120k + interest. What happens with the other 2? If they continue borrowing at this rate, their total debt for 3 kids will be ~$360k + interest.
I forgot to add the federal student loans to the debt for LBad’s degree. If his parents are borrowing ~$30k/year in addition to the student loans, the total debt will be ~$147k + interest for just his degree. If they continue at that rate, the debt for 3 kids will crowd ~$450k. I don’t understand how a family who was recently homeless can afford to take on this kind of debt. Families with incomes much higher than $30k/year would be discouraged from doing so.
Tuition at NJ publics (Rutgers, NJIT, etc.) is ~$15k/year. If LBad commutes he could pay half that with the ~$7500 federal student loan. If he qualifies for Pell and a state grant, the gap would likely be just $2-3k. I wouldn’t sacrifice a decade or more post graduation life for 2 years at a dream school.
Right, borrowing 29k/year. That’s huge.
In another thread, he said, “7k in grants and 29k in loans.” This thread, “I have federal fin aid (grants and loans), but no scholarship from the school yet.” ?
Thing is, his parents aren’t wealthy. People say, well, Rutgers isn’t less expensive. But nothing says a 3.1x would get him into Rutgers. He would do what others do: go to a less competitive state school and commute from home.
Rowan about 13k with fees. Kean and Stockton are less and there are many more. They’d save on loan amounts, from the get-go.
…but he wouldn’t “enjoy” that.
And rather than see all that as incentive, we hear how, for 29k/year, he’s doing marginally better than in hs.
What a train wreck! I feel very sad for this family. Their digging their financial graves. Low income families are so poorly advised.