Wedding etiquette

Parent Cafe
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<p>Consulation: I don’t have any problem conducting a nonreligious wedding in a nonreligious setting; have done it and continue to do it. Married my sister, who is a Wiccan, and whose inlaws are Quaker, combine with my conservative Christian parents - that was a REALLY delicate service to plan out!</p>

<p>But I do have a problem being asked to do a nonreligious ceremony in a church setting. Your UU church probably doesn’t have a dozen religious-scened stained glass windows and crosses all around, so it wouldn’t be an issue. </p>

<p>We do have Christian weddings for nonmembers who are unchurched or whose buildings do not have enough seating for their guests (and their pastor is welcome to officiate). Our 550 capacity is larger than sancturies in town.</p>

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<p>Who is going to be doing all the cooking on the wedding day? I am wondering if it is worth all the hassle. The meal itself sounds like plenty already. Julie - I think you need to tell your mom to pay up or shut up.</p>

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<p>Oops, forgot about the BBQ - agree meatballs might not go so well in that scenario, but they may make the list here!</p>

<p>KK – think your cat smelled the salmon and trout we’ve been discussing!</p>

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<p>I kind of agree with oldfort. If you are having a meal, I don’t see the need for all the appetizers. Or you could tell Mom, “hey great idea - I’ll let you organize that Mom. Thanks!!!”</p>

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<p>I really agree that unless you have someone who is willing to take care of the whole thing on the day, it is going to be impossible. My original suggestions included things that could be prepared ahead and just set out quickly on the day. But even that could be a problem unless you have someone to take charge who knows what they are doing. A bunch of female relatives buzzing around getting in each other’s way is a recipe for disaster. If you have an aunt or a cousin who is into this kind of thing–too bad we aren’t related! :smiley: – that’s another matter.</p>

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<p>No, that we don’t! :)</p>

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<p>oldfort - I’ve been thinking of saying this in a more delicate way lately. </p>

<p>Originally, I had a lot of plans to do a lot of time intensive and fussy things, but the more I’ve thought about it, the more I think that the returns won’t be worth the effort. I think of my sister-in-law who did a lot of etching on some of the centerpieces and put together a lot of DIY stuff that really nobody stopped to appreciate but her.</p>

<p>With someone’s suggestion about having a more natural look to go with the bamboo plates, I did somewhat of a revision of my wedding decor vision and I think that it will make everything work together. I originally was planning really modern looking vases with floralytes, teal water beads, and origami flowers, but going with the natural theme I’m thinking maybe I could do some potted white flowers, paint the vase teal and put a pretty black ribbon around them. Then people can take them home and they will last much longer than arrangements (and be much cheaper too). I think with white linens instead of black like I was planning, this new centerpiece idea, the bamboo or pressed leaf plates, the look will be pretty light and natural while still encompassing the colors I wanted. </p>

<p>I really appreciate the ongoing advice. The more I think about the more I want the day to be less stressful, and I think that means not committing myself to a million and one fussy things the day of. Unless I have friends and relatives who would like to volunteer to take care of and pay for these things. :D</p>

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<p>If you want to go for the modern look, think orchids. They last a long time and Costco/Home Depot, even Whole Food, sell them for ~20. People can take them home after the wedding. Orchids also go very well with bamboo.</p>

<p>I still stand by - have a lot of good food (barbecue) and a lot of booze (wine and beer), play some good music, and everyone is going to be happy.</p>

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<p>I think the appetizer suggestions sound delicious by themselves, but seem odd with the menu you are proposing. I wouldn’t go from salmon mousse or cold beet soup to barbecue. It’s not unified IMO. I would either do something that fits barbecue (maybe some little cornbread thing as an appetizer) or nothing at all.</p>

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<p>Maybe I’m too “themey” but if I were serving barbecue, I’d go hog-wild (har har) and do red and white checkered napkins and plates and so forth. And I’d have the centerpieces reflect that in some way as well and be more rustic in nature - maybe just a basket with a small plant or something. I feel like you’re taking a lot of things that are appealing by themselves but there isn’t a unifying theme. Ignore me if you like, but that’s my initial reaction.</p>

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<p>Forget about orchids. I like Pizzagirl’s idea.</p>

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<p>I don’t really like the look of rustic, unfortunately. It also would look really odd in our venue, which is indoors at a museum. I think earlier there was the misconception that it was outdoors but it’s not. We had to choose an informal meal though because all of the plated options were too expensive and we don’t have the money to pay for it. Even the buffet options were still over $25 per person. </p>

<p>I’ve also chosen teal because it is my favorite color. If I could find some teal and white checkered napkins it might be cute but I’m kind of stuck on that.</p>

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<p>I like pizzagirl’s idea as well. For rustic centerpieces you could go with small tin buckets as “vases” with assorted daisies from Costco.</p>

<p>[Assorted</a> Gerbera Daisy](<a href=“http://www.costco.com/Assorted-Gerbera-Daisy.product.11605220.html]Assorted”>http://www.costco.com/Assorted-Gerbera-Daisy.product.11605220.html)</p>

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<p>Single daisy in a milk glass vase with a checkered bow tied around the top rim of the vase. You can pick up random, mismatched milk-glass inexpensively.</p>

<p>[Vintage</a> Milk Glass Vases and PlantersInstant by FoxyRoxysAttic](<a href=“This item is unavailable - Etsy”>This item is unavailable - Etsy)</p>

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<p>Yes, those are great builds if you don’t want rustic per se. I just don’t think you start going all sleek-y and modern-y when you’re serving barbecue. Not that it’s some great crime against humanity, or that you turn it into a hote-down, but I think you want your food, plates and decor to harmonize in some fashion.</p>

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<p>Yeah… I do think sleek and modern wouldn’t exactly work with the fare. I was hoping that a potted centerpiece would be toned down enough without going straight into rustic territory. Maybe not?</p>

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<p>I think your idea is a good middle ground which might help bring the food in line with the venue… I agree that going too rustic might seem weird in a museum.</p>

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<p>Teal is a tough color. If you go with white tablecloths and a white flowering plant in a white-glazed terracotta pot, you can use trailing teal organza ribbons as an accent. </p>

<p>This company sells ribbon at a fraction of the cost of craft stores, and this particular sheer organza is nice (and comes in teal):</p>

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<p>You could use white napkins, roll them, and tie them with the same teal ribbon. You don’t have to have a fussy bow: just a single knot, and let the ribbon trail. (This is the ribbon I use on my chocolate boxes, in a different color.)</p>

<p>I think that fresh vegetables and bean puree harmonize perfectly well with BBQ. So does spicy mango gazpacho. Everything doesn’t have to be the same. The point of hors d’oeuvres is to have different tastes. It doesn’t sound like you want to hold a hoedown just because you are having pulled pork as an entree. :slight_smile: </p>

<p>BTW, what kind of a museum is it, anyway?</p>

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<p>I agree that you don’t need appetizers. If you were to do anything, I would just have crudites and dip and maybe a fruit platter. You need something light and fresh, given the barbecue menu (which sounds yummy by the way). Have you asked the barbecue place if they could supply that? If you are having 100 guests, I would order crudites and fruit for 50. That’s plenty. </p>

<p>If the barbecue place can’t supply it, I would just order a few trays from the closest grocery store to the venue and have someone you trust pick them up and set them up for you. For about $100, you should be able to get enough (again, ordering for 50 instead of 100). If you order them from the deli department (NOT just picking up the premade trays already in the store), they normally do a nice enough presentation. Serve with the small size bamboo plates and paper cocktail napkins, and you will be fine. That will be plenty for people to nibble on. If you need more, you could add cheese. You could put some bigger version of the plants that you are planning to use for centerpieces on the table with the trays.</p>

<p>Anything more elaborate than that will be way too heavy with the barbecue meal. And you don’t want to have to worry about someone making and bringing the fruit and veggie trays yourselves on your wedding day. </p>

<p>Don’t worry about the composting issue. That’s an extra unnecessary expense that is just not worth it in this context. Just have people throw away the plates. The caterer should be able to handle this.</p>

<p>I absolutely echo the comments about the tip jar. The bartenders will already be adding service into the bill, and it is tacky and outrageous for them to add a tip jar. You absolutely have to stay on top of them with this because they will try to put out a tip jar even if you instruct them not to. Have one of your friends in charge of making sure that the bartenders get reprimanded at any sign of soliciting tips from guests.</p>

<p>Pizzagirl – I had those same kind of invitations (formal engraved, with space for guest’s name to be written in calligraphy after “request the honor of the presence of”). I loved them! I haven’t seen them too often. </p>

<p>Of course, such invitations would be much too formal for the event Julie is planning. All of the elements should be in the same level of formality, and it will come together beautifully. </p>

<p>Julie, I like your natural color scheme idea. Are you totally set on teal and black? More natural greens – any greens from celadon to lime – would be really pretty and easier to coordinate with with your theme. Even better, you might want to go with colors that are already present in the room or garden that you are in. That will help to make everything look unified and intentional. (Ignore this if you’ve already bought things in your teal and black scheme). </p>

<p>It sounds like a super fun event! Try to keep things simple! It’s not only easier; it is more elegant as well.</p>

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<p>Consolation - I like the idea of using a sheer ribbon to bring in some teal. Black does need to be involved because I had the bridal party pick out little black dresses. They are all pretty tight on money so it was very important that the dress be something they could actually wear again. I’ll be using some teal accessories to bring in color, and yes, some things have already been purchased in this color. </p>

<p>As for coordinating with the room, the room I think gets periodically repainted because it is part of a changing exhibit, but when I toured it WAS teal. Not why I picked the color but it was a positive factor. I didn’t realize it changed until I looked again at pics from previous events and saw that the room used to be light green.</p>

<p>ETA: It’s a natural science museum. The reception space is a gallery beneath a whale skeleton. So while a museum, it’s definitely quirky.</p>

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<p>I was checking out their website for S1 and DIL and decided to check for reviews to see what folks had to say about printed ribbons…</p>