Wedding etiquette

Parent Cafe
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<p>The fancy lighting you’ve seen on the wedding shows can be very nice but it requires expertise, planning, and money. I think the lighting they will have for the whale skeleton will be all you need.
I think a little square of green grass with plastic dinosaur figures would be pretty cool for centerpieces. That may be a bit too quirky but embrace the space in some way that works for you. You have a really interesting setting with a lot of possibilities. What does your fiance think?</p>

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<p>cartera45 - I kind of needed to hear that. I am very apologetic about what I can do with my budget and it doesn’t help that his father’s side of the family are very snooty and well-to-do and I KNOW that they will be commenting and there’s nothing I can do to afford that short of serving lobster. (Which is among the lavish cuisine served at his father’s second marriage a few years back. And he doesn’t have money for child support. Funny.) Reading what I just wrote I know I really shouldn’t give a rat’s behind about what they think but it still hurts knowing that nothing you can reasonably do will be good enough to please some people. </p>

<p>happymomof1 - I agree. My money is better spent elsewhere. I also wonder if all of the uplighting and stuff like that will look really dated in a few years when the next wedding decor trend comes along. Though I love designer uplighting. It’s beautiful. </p>

<p>electronblue - I think our vision has gotten revised back a bit from quirky after a few relatives made stink faces at the ideas I was suggesting. I’m too much of a people pleaser to ignore the comments and attitude. My fiance couldn’t make himself care about centerpieces if he tried. He just wants to have delicious food and a table to eat it at. Other than that, he wanted the museum, and he wants potato salad. These are literally the only things that he has any real opinion on when it comes to the wedding.</p>

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<p>Here’s what I say - people who aren’t paying can’t afford to complain. If Dad can’t be happy at his son’s wedding without a lot of fluff, that is his problem and only his. You may as well stop trying to please them now. Focus on having fun. Other people can choose to or not.</p>

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<p>Stop worrying about people you couldn’t please even if you had a $100,000 budget. There are always going to be a few of those types but I’m sure there are more who understand funds are limited and you are doing your best.
I saw a centerpiece idea which had childhood pictures of the bride and groom lit from the inside that was very sweet. Maybe on Pinterest? Something like that doesn’t have to cost much money and it can be assembled ahead of time. I love personalized touches like that.</p>

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<p>I was just looking at those. They’re not difficult or expensive to make. The real problem would be finding photographs. Sadly, a huge portion of our family photos were destroyed by flooding. I do really like the idea though.</p>

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<p>I think a lot of the newly popular lighting design is for people holding weddings in venues that are not in and of themselves attractive. You’ve by all accounts got a great space. Elegant decor is often minimalist. A simple pillar candle in a large glass hurricane lamp is actually one of the most attractive centerpieces, IMHO.</p>

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<p>Julie, his father may be a horse’s ass, but that doesn’t mean that everyone else in the family is. I am willing to be that you will find that plenty of people on that side of the family do not think well of a guy who serves lobster at his second wedding but doesn’t pay his child support. Do not prejudge those people. I can assure you that in many ways I am NOTHING like my sibling, and I do not want people to assume that I am and treat me accordingly. It is not fair.</p>

<p>Assume good intentions. :)</p>

<p>These lucky bamboo plants are 8" tall and cost $8 each or 5 for $37.50</p>

<p><a href=“http://www.natureperfect.com/images/DSC03050.jpg[/url]”>http://www.natureperfect.com/images/DSC03050.jpg&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>These are 10 stalks for $29</p>

<p><a href=“http://www.natureperfect.com/images/bamboo_21.jpg[/url]”>http://www.natureperfect.com/images/bamboo_21.jpg&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>They also sell pots and stones, or you can buy your own.</p>

<p>Regarding the candles, you can buy clear glass pots for tealights that will come the required height above the flame, and put a few around your bamboo (or floral) centerpiece. These are 12 for $7. </p>

<p>[Amazon.com:</a> Clear Glass Flower Pot Votive Candle Holders (1 Dozen): Home Improvement](<a href=“http://www.amazon.com/Clear-Flower-Votive-Candle-Holders/dp/B004GWXPWI/ref=pd_sim_sbs_hg_1]Amazon.com:”>http://www.amazon.com/Clear-Flower-Votive-Candle-Holders/dp/B004GWXPWI/ref=pd_sim_sbs_hg_1)</p>

<p>I’m sure you can find them at Michaels or another craft store. I’ve bought them for that purpose. (Come in handy when we are having a power failure, too. :slight_smile: ) You could put the bamboo in a clear glass vase with black river rocks, to match, or use a black or green/teal pot. Michaels seems to currently have glass vases on sale for $3 or $4. Plus, of course, you can trail your ribbons around. :slight_smile: I think it would all come in at about $15 per table.</p>

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<p>Yes, I will say that not all of his father’s side is that way, only some people. He’s got aunts and uncles who I’ve heard are reasonably nice (but never met because they mostly live hundreds of miles away). It was an unfair generalization directed at a few people in particular. </p>

<p>As for the next part, this is why I come to CC for these questions! Bamboo! Why didn’t I think of that? It’s cheap, attractive, and I can’t kill it (well, I won’t make it a challenge…). And if I’ve got bamboo plates, there’s another little tie-in that nobody will notice but I will enjoy.</p>

<p>They’ve also got these really cute pots that happen to come in teal and green colors, but a sort of… speckled version that is more soft than just a solid stark color for about $4 each. I think I saw them at Michael’s. If I was getting bamboo instead of flowers I could probably afford the pots to put them in.</p>

<p>ETA: Do you have some sort of reference picture for trailing ribbons? I’m just not sure how I would execute this because I don’t really have a vision of it in my head. I can think of laterally trailing ribbons on a banquet table, but not sure what it would look like on a round.</p>

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<p>And people can take the bamboo plants home with them, and maybe they will live! :D</p>

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<p>Julie – If you want elegant on a limited budget, go simple. Consolation has some good recommendations. </p>

<p>I can’t remember-- do you have access to summer flowers as in a cutting garden? Or a wildlife area you can pick lupine or roses?</p>

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<p>She said no cutting garden. Also, I doubt roses would be blooming on June 1 in upstate NY. :slight_smile: Lupines, how I love them!</p>

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<p>Never heard of lupine before. How pretty!</p>

<p>I ran the idea of the bamboo by my bridesmaid who is far more artistically talented than myself and she linked back a gorgeous centerpiece using bamboo and black river rocks. </p>

<p><a href=“http://www.xoedge.com/ImageStage/Objects/0003/0019972/large_image.jpg[/url]”>http://www.xoedge.com/ImageStage/Objects/0003/0019972/large_image.jpg&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>We were thinking we could replace the flower with a floating candle and tie a sheer teal ribbon around the vase. We definitely have seen vases this shape at Michael’s and other discount stores.</p>

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<p>That is lovely, Julie.</p>

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<p>I saw that one too, but I didn’t link it because of the highly expensive white flower. :slight_smile: Very nice. That is pretty much what I had in mind. Notice how well the clear glass vase goes with the clear glass votives. (You wouldn’t need that many, though.) I think that it is actually two stalks of bamboo at different heights. So looking at the bamboo site I linked to before, it might be a 6" and a 10", or an 8 " and a 12 " or something of that nature. Still very inexpensive from them. And you could buy a bunch of a less expensive flowers than the gardenia pictured and float one…white carnations or chrysanthemums, for example.</p>

<p>Here’s the one I saw originally (then I went hunting for cheap bamboo so you could do it yourself! ):</p>

<p><a href=“http://products.proflowers.com/plants/7-Stalks-of-Lucky-Bamboo-30002012?ref=DRTVSITESEARCHSmithsoniaBOGOViewers_2&q=bamboo&pagesplit=SplitB&code=bamboo&prid=FGVRADIO&navContent=T%3APlants%3AGreen+Plants&navLocation=T%3A5-8%3A4-9&trackingpgroup=pbs[/url]”>http://products.proflowers.com/plants/7-Stalks-of-Lucky-Bamboo-30002012?ref=DRTVSITESEARCHSmithsoniaBOGOViewers_2&q=bamboo&pagesplit=SplitB&code=bamboo&prid=FGVRADIO&navContent=T%3APlants%3AGreen+Plants&navLocation=T%3A5-8%3A4-9&trackingpgroup=pbs&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>I also found this. Don’t know if it is the shade of teal you had in mind:</p>

<p>[1-1/2</a> Teal Organza Ribbon Two Satin Edges](<a href=“http://www.tulleshop.com/1-1-2-Teal-Organza-Ribbon-Two-Satin-Edges-p/45033.htm]1-1/2”>http://www.tulleshop.com/1-1-2-Teal-Organza-Ribbon-Two-Satin-Edges-p/45033.htm)</p>

<p>The problem is that this color could, IMHO, look awful with the color of the bamboo. Maybe teal organza without the satin edge and a greener organza overlapped would solve that problem. (If it exists.) I’d be inclined to get together the components to make one up, just to make sure it works and the bamboo doesn’t all fall over or whatever. :D</p>

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<p>Looks perfect, Julie! Consolation is so smart - and great idea to do a trial run with all the components to see how easily it will work. It’s coming together and you’re doing great!</p>

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<p>Thanks for the continued help. I’m going for more of a lighter teal than a true teal. In some brands of products this color is labeled teal, and in others is closer to aqua. I think the teal of the ribbons and such is closer to a true teal, whereas in clothing it tends to be a brighter shade.</p>

<p>I do think the darker teal might clash with the bamboo, but a lighter teal and pale green are adjacent on the color wheel and look nice together, IMO. I’ll definitely look for a closer ribbon color. I’ve had some close matches in wired ribbon but haven’t found any unwired sheer ribbon in this category. I will definitely plan to do a mockup before I go ahead and purchase everything. Amusingly, I actually have a lucky bamboo plant at my parents’ house from my senior year of college so I can probably just use that to get an idea. I was thinking of ordering stalks of 8" and 12" because I’d got something of that estimation from the photograph. It just comes down to how much I can find the containers for because the rest of the supplies should be cheap. And a good point that I could float another, cheaper flower if I was so inclined.</p>

<p>I’m really kicking myself that I didn’t have this together last summer. I’m a garage saler and I probably could’ve picked up a whole mess of little votive things if I’d been looking. Not surprisingly it’s super easy to find little knicky-knacky things at garage sales. I might have a month of sparse garage saling at best before the wedding so I think that ship has sailed. </p>

<p>That other arrangement you linked is very pretty as well. I’ll price out the containers and see which is more effective - going with a smaller container but more bamboo, or a larger container and less bamboo. Otherwise, I could totally do something small like that in the bathrooms as a little extra. Looking at the price of the individual components elsewhere it is crazy that they’re charging $30 for that! </p>

<p>Also not sure what to do for aisle decor, if anything. Would an organza ribbon tied on the chairs lining the aisles be sufficient? </p>

<p>I just have to say that I am eternally grateful for all of the wonderful advice and continued input I’m getting here. I have few people in my life who are really good with this kind of thing so I’m really glad I have a bunch of people who have better taste than I and also aren’t just telling me what I want to hear. My wedding vision has definitely been greatly refined in the 36 pages of this thread - even if it wasn’t the intended original topic! </p>

<p>Speaking of the original topic - wedding etiquette - here’s another doozy that I’ve been hearing about and I was wondering what you thought about it. So apparently a new thing is that people are doing tiered invitations. That is, say they have five events associated with the wedding: the ceremony, cocktail hour/h’ors doeuvres, dinner, dancing, after-party. Some people are electing to invite guests to only particular portions, such as only close family being invited to the dinner, next closest being invited for h’ors douevres only, etc. Can you imagine coming to a wedding and realizing that you were on the B, C, or D list?</p>

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<p>Tiered invitations=more vulgarity.</p>

<p>Sounds like simply self-aggrandizement and gift extraction. In days of yore, tacky people would apparently invite some people to the church, but not the reception. Heavily frowned upon. This sounds like the same thing. And I’m wondering exactly how you are going to go about throwing out the people who were only invited for hors d’oeuvres when dinner is served?!?</p>

<p>I don’t believe that people are really doing this. I think it must be something invented by the bridal industry. (which includes TheKnot and their ilk)</p>

<p>Regarding the table, what I was originally envisioning was a tablescape with rocks and cndles and so on. What I’m seeing now is some variation on the glass vase w/bamboo + glass votives thing. In that case, I would consider using ribbons this way on the table:</p>

<p><strong><em>I</em></strong><strong><em>l</em></strong>__
I I
I i
I I
I I
__ I___<strong><em>I</em></strong>_____
I I
I I</p>

<p>Well, that didn’t work at all! I’m thinking of two spaced lines running one way across the table bisected by two perpendicular lines running the other way, also spaced.</p>

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<p>Regarding the tiered thing, I have seen postings about brides planning to do this with their reception. Perhaps it was originally invented by the industry, but it’s happening. That being said, the particular forum to which I’m referring certainly has its share of very self-centered and entitled brides, so this is very likely not reflective of a larger trend, but rather of brides wanting to have a grander wedding than they can really afford and breaching etiquette in all sorts of ways to have it. </p>

<p>As for the ribbons, kind of like a tic-tac-toe board?</p>

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<p>Julie, re the votive things - you might try looking at your local thrift store for very cheap glasswares - far less expensive than buying new and you can feel good about recycling.
In terms of the tiered wedding idea …I attended such a wedding last fall and it was structured that way for practical reasons …only family and closest friends went to the actual wedding, a larger group were invited to the afternoon drinks and h’ors d’oevres and then a larger group still came to the supper and dancing. Space was a consideration for the ceremony and afternoon events but the big party afterwards was spectacular. There was also an issue of lack of parking so people had to get a taxi. Friends of the bride and groom were asked to bring a bottle for the bar rather than another gift which kept the booze price down (tho I think both sets of parents kicked in) and I have to say it was the best, most fun wedding I’ve been to in years. Since it was done as a inclusive event at the end rather than the other way around I think the evening guests didn’t even know some people had been there earlier. H & I were invited to the afternoon and evening and DD’s invited to the evening.</p>

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<p>Onetogo2 - That seems like a reasonable way of doing it. Generally, I like the idea of aiming to be more inclusive, and I certainly wouldn’t mind attending a party without having to attend the ceremony. :)</p>

<p>The ones that concern me do things like invite everyone to the ceremony, but some guests get tickets that invite them back to dinner, while some guests get tickets inviting them back at a later time for the after party. I think that’s much more of a recipe for hurt feelings than what you described above.</p>