My oldest quit college with only one class to finish for her degree. I don’t understand, but I have to accept it. She supports herself as a nanny although we do pay the cell phone. So if the son finishes the CS degree, I would be ok with them acting as long as they didn’t expect me to pay their bills.
I must study politics and war, that our sons may have liberty to study mathematics and philosophy. Our sons ought to study mathematics and philosophy, geography, natural history and naval architecture, navigation, commerce and agriculture in order to give their children a right to study painting, poetry, music, architecture, statuary, tapestry and porcelain.
(John Adams in letter to Abigail Adams 12 May 1780)
Adams was impressed by the opera, theater, and art he experienced during his time in France…he hoped that future generations of Americans would have the freedom and opportunity to choose careers in the arts. So one of the Founding Fathers is smiling down on your son’s decision.
If that doesn’t help, remember the ultimate reassurance from Best Exotic Marigold Hotel:
Everything will be all right in the end… if it’s not all right then it’s not yet the end.
@deb922, I mostly share your husband’s feelings about the kids being on their own, for psychological as well as financial reasons. Not that mine are there yet…my oldest, now 26, is finishing grad school and hopefully will have a real teaching job in the fall. She has some struggles with change and adulthood, though she’s done some very adventurous things, and I think a lot of self-perception doesn’t change until you become self-supporting.
@busyparent, I know a couple of others who quit college with only one class left, and they were very smart academic high-achievers, for whatever that’s worth. They didn’t become as independent as your daughter either. Go figure…
This is a common issue when kids choose to do something “not useful” ie that is supposed to lead directly to a career track, etc. With my S at a conservatory in music performance, it obviously is somethng we have had to face. The way we looked at it, he had the passion for music and knew how hard it was, and being young is a great time to try to find your passion and see how it plays out. It is going to mean helping support him in the beginning more than likely, but we knew that going in. Doesn’t mean we don’t worry about it, but I also have the confidence that he has both the passion for music and also the kind of drive and intelligence that he will find his way. It is hard in a time of a changing world and uncertain economy to take risks, to jump into things that seem to be esoteric,but again it comes down to having confidence that the kid in question has a head on their shoulders and will navigate things just fine. One of the things that concerns me these days is from the time kids are little, there is this weird idea out there that trying things and failing or that don’t work out as you expect, is fatal. The irony here is that risk taking is the key to success in many cases, that entrepeneurs and others people admire, often have a trail of failures and so forth.
Our D knew that she wanted to be a musician from a very young age.We live in a community where many people make their living in the performing. arts. H was an actor when I met him , went to school to study acting and still has friends from that experience (three of whom have won Academy Awards) He ended up making his living not in acting but in a “below the line” on-set craft. So my D grew up understanding the challenges in the performing arts world. She knew that besides luck she needed to make concrete plans and work harder than anyone else. She is in her late 20’s, still young by classical voice standards, but finally she has two agents, more than one contract and is actually making her living from music. Before this time she has taught music and language and later she discovered that she could work online creating and editing online training videos for corporations. Your student has the jump on many young artists as he can bring some great skills to the table in work that will support his artistic endeavors.What he needs right now is a realistic plan and the opportunity to network with other actors. I promise, he will figure it out.
Small brag: we were just in Paris to hear her sing.
If I were you, I’d talk to him about setting a target age, where if he hasn’t accomplished x by y age, he needs to move on and make theater just a hobby.
I know people in NYC who held on to the dream for too long and then when they finally decided they couldn’t anymore, they were already 35-45 yrs old. While they were able to establish regular jobs at that point, I wouldn’t want my kid to be 40 with no retirement savings - you don’t get 18 yrs of investment growth back pm matter what you do.
@busdriver11 You may, or perhaps not!, want to have a look at that discussion, or even join those of us who post often in the MT and theatre forums. My D who graduated 8 years ago has been able to support herself very well in theatre, without a secondary job, but she is definitely an exception to the rule.
Good God, @busyparent, one class to go. That must have made you crazy!
Thoughtful words, @jazzymom, as usual. Something to consider, as along with @musicprnt 's perspective.
I agree with @aj725, setting a target age. He said 1-2 years, but I’m sure that could change in a heartbeat.
Congrats to @musicamusica 's daughter. Must be a wonderful feeling!
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If I were you, I’d talk to him about setting a target age, where if he hasn’t accomplished x by y age, he needs to move on and make theater just a hobby.
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I hope the above isn’t a demand. 
I agree with @musicprnt about risk.
For seven years my son said he wanted to be a doctor. My wife and I helped support that idea. Even with all the healthcare issues, doctors don’t starve.
Plus saying, “That’s my son the doctor” sounds pretty cool.
Then… All of a sudden, my son changed course. So much for stability.
@busdriver11
After reading your posts, I see you have a good handle on the situation. What you are feeling is normal.
I like this thread. It hits home.
"My H would have been so against this, he would have been apoplectic. He is a risk adverse person. He wants to retire in 6 years and having our kids be financially secure is part of his plan. We paid for college and them being on their own is very, very important to him. We don’t pay insurance or phones or anything for the kids now. They are investing in their retirement already.
I hope I’m not offending anyone and I’m trying not to be too negative. But this would have been a tough pill for my H. Really, really tough.’
Not offended at all, @deb922, you nailed it in my household. Conservative values, you go to college to get skills to help you get the best job possible, you have “useful employment”. I’m hoping this gets easier for my H to accept quickly, he really loves our son and I know he wants him to be happy. But it’s such a leap of faith, and a change of attitude.
"After reading your posts, I see you have a good handle on the situation. What you are feeling is normal.
I like this thread. It hits home."
I knew you’d like this thread, if you read it, @dstark . Probably enjoy seeing me twist in the wind with fear and trepidation! 
Ah, you know I’m just joking. But it is fascinating how many parents here have gone through similar issues. I wonder if it’s actually more the norm that one’s child shakes things up, instead of marching down the path that we had expected them to go, like good soldiers.
I’m not sure you can quantify any semblance of success with a 1 or 2 year ‘plan’, or even longer, for that matter. The theatre world just doesn’t work in that way. It is a business where you are ALWAYS looking for your next job, even if you are one of the very fortunate few to be in a Broadway show. So, what will evidence success in a particular period of time? For instance, an actor may be cast in a show next week but that show may flop and close in a month, or it may be a limited run show, which many are, and so you may be employed now but you won’t be when it ends.
Our D is a cinema major while S is an EE. He’s making a great living between his fulltime job and his hobby of buying and reselling items. D is still struggling to be healthy enough to do any activity for up to 8 hours a day so she can seriously seek a job. She has done some day gig jobs, but notbeven her docs know when she nay be employable, healthwise. Different problem, but still lots of concern about how to have slf-supporting kids.
@busdriver11 – do what @sax recommends: be outwardly supportive. Praise him for following his dream now, while he can, and before he’s burdened by a mortgage, car payments and all the other adult stuff. Remind him, (and keep reminding yourself) that he has a solid education and very solid skills to either fall back on, or to do as a “day job.” Meantime, feel free to vent here.
I can comment, as I took my recently completed science degree across the country without a job, because I “wanted to live in California”. it worked out, not in theater, but I did get a job after a while…my mom never said a thing and I thank her for that. I was like the OPs kid, but probably with less talent. One thing that comes to mind as I read this thread is that it is cautionary for parents deciding on how to fund college…if you think you might be the person that would be disappointed by this type of career choice, then you should probably not write the big check for that expensive college. But if you only have the goal of a bachelor’s degree and happiness for your kid, then it might not be a problem to spend large, middle, or any amount of money on college.
@alwaysamom, I think the short term plan doesn’t actually mean success in a 1-2 year time frame. Sure it would be great to get a part in a movie or a Broadway play, but that seems to happen as often as one wins the lottery. It’s not really a well thought out plan yet, but more of seeing if he likes it enough to continue, whether struggling or not. Is he getting any auditions, any parts, no matter how tiny. Seeing if there are other avenues, ways to break into something. Just enough time to figure out if this is something to pursue.
“busdriver11 – do what @sax recommends: be outwardly supportive. Praise him for following his dream now, while he can, and before he’s burdened by a mortgage, car payments and all the other adult stuff. Remind him, (and keep reminding yourself) that he has a solid education and very solid skills to either fall back on, or to do as a “day job.” Meantime, feel free to vent here”
Yes, I think I’ll do that. And I will not tell him that I got any information or advice from this forum. He would recognize his dogs too easily!
Very glad you ended up with a job, @thingamajig, that must have made your mom feel better!
@HImom, I know how difficult that has been for you, dealing with your daughter’s health issues. She is lucky to have such genuine support from you and her dad. Everything would be so much harder if my son had serious health problems. Good health is something most of us take for granted with our kids, until something happens. I’m pretty positive that no matter how old my kids get, when they fall off our health insurance, if they can’t afford their own, we will do what it takes to keep that for them. Independent or not, it’s something I feel very strongly about.
I’m curious about why so many of you will continue supporting your kids financially. I would support any decision my kids made in college (and one has added a music major to go along with his first major and likely will be pursuing something in the music field), but that doesn’t mean that I plan to support them financially beyond something like letting them reimburse me for keeping them on our phone plan. I mean, they are making the decision to enter into these highly unstable fields, but really wanting it means, to me, figuring out how to make it work on their own. I guess I’m a big believer in having skin in the game, and ongoing financial support, to me, takes away some of the hunger necessary to make it work.