How to convince my mom?

Prep School Admissions
1

<p>A while ago I already made my decision to go to hotchkiss, and my mom DID agree, except now she is having second doubts again. She believes that lawrenceville would be a better choice, because:</p>

<ul>
<li>it’s closer to the airport/new York city/ and friends houses</li>
<li>it has better college matriculation</li>
<li>it has a better humanities program?</li>
<li>urban environment</li>
</ul>

<p>However, I like hotchkiss better because:</p>

<ul>
<li>the campus visit was the best (meeting teachers, eating lunch, seeing the classes, etc)</li>
<li>it has a beatiful campus, and I like how it’s not all spread out but in one main area</li>
<li>smaller size (students)</li>
<li>overall gut feeling</li>
</ul>

<p>It’s not that I hate lawrenceville, and my mom doesnt hate hotchkiss either. She just worries too much about the transportation issues, and about how hotchkiss is in the middle of nowhere. She just keeps talking about “what if you get sick? How will I visit you? The ride from the airport to school is so long! Blah blah blah etc etc”. I’ve tried talking to her, but it just makes her more convinced that lawrenceville is better. And now shes trying to convince me to go to lawrenceville. When we’re eating at mcdonalds or another restaurant, she says stuff like, “oh, if you go to lawrenville, you can go eat at the restaurants nearby, or even ask auntie to cook chinese food for you!”. And when we’re in a taxi, she says stuff like, “how will you be able to sit in the car for so long? What if you fall asleep and the taxi driver kidnaps you? What if the car breaks down on the way?”. In the bookstore, she started talking about how if I went to lawrenceville I could borrow books from the Princeton library. And when I said I wanted to watch a movie, she said that if I went to lawrenceville, I could go to new York to watch broadway shows and visit art exhibitions. I try telling her that I want to go to hotchkiss, but she just keeps saying I’m wrong. She thinks there’s something wrong with my thinking, and that im not making the right decision.</p>

<p>Sorry about the long rant, but I don’t know what I should do. Should I ignore everything and wait it out? Or talk to her some more? Should I just go to lawrenceville so that I won’t worry her too much?</p>

<p>Any advice would be appreciated!</p>

2

<p>Welcome to the Lawrenceville Family! Moms know best!</p>

3

<p>This has got to be your decision. You have to go where you fit in the best, where you will be happiest and where you will do your best. As a mother of a son who is currently trying to figure out which accepted school to go to, I am trying very hard not to show my bias. I don’t want to say go here or don’t go there and then be responsible for a miserable first year. This is probably one of the most important decisions you will make as a young adult. But do talk to your mom and explain why you want to go and what it means to you. She clearly loves you and is concerned. It’s hard letting your child out of the nest. Good luck!</p>

4

<p>@invent</p>

<p>Haha, I can see why my mom likes lawrenceville… But when I visited, I didn’t really like the feel of the school. And throughout the whole admission process, I never really ‘liked’ lawrenceville… I often asked my mom why I was even applying, and she just said that it was a good school with good college matriculation and good location. They just felt pretty cold and unwelcoming. It was not until my mom ‘threatened’ to not let me go to boarding school unless it was lville that I started to think seriously about lville… And I know it’s a good school, but i still like the other schools better.</p>

5

<p>@betherp</p>

<p>True, but I’m not sure if my mom understands that/ how to explain that to my mom. I did mention to her that I don’t want to end up at a school that I didn’t like, so now she’s making me ‘like’ the school. In her opinion, she’s the one to decide my future, or at least to tell me what future is the best. How should I let her know that I want to have my own decisions?</p>

6

<p>They are both fine schools. How can you go wrong? Lawrenceville feeds Princeton, Hotchkiss feeds Yale. Most people here would love to have the choice you have. Don’t fret too much.</p>

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<p>It sounds like your mom is REALLY hung up on college matriculation. I wish you much luck in convincing her but I don’t see how you could really go without her support. She’s got to send the check, after all. How long with H’kiss hold your spot? I thought, from your previous thread, that you had already told them you wanted to go there and that’s why they pulled you from the waitlist. But maybe I’m confused. ;)</p>

8

<p>“Don’t fret too much”</p>

<p>I’m mainly worried because my mom is so worried! (about sending me to hotchkiss)</p>

9

<p>@neotoburrito</p>

<p>I’m not entirely sure. they pulled me off the wait list, and sent me my acceptance letter, but I still have until April 10th for the final decision. And thats another reason why I want to go to hotchkiss… I don’t want to have gotten off the wait list all for nothing, and it would be really unfair to other applicants…</p>

10

<p>I am a mother and my kid is facing the same dilemma as your are. K has been accepted by 3 tops schools, LW and THS are two of them. What we decide is to let K make the final decision after revisit (I understand that revisit is not available to you). Of course we will feed K our opinion and list Pros and Cons of each school with him together. After all, it is K’s life that K is going to face daily. We don’t want K to be regret and come back to complain us in the future. I am also deeply understanding your mom’s concerns on transportation, safety and health issues. Check the THS to see if they can refer you to a current Chinese student to see how they handle these issues.</p>

11

<p>More drama! Yes you should get to go where you want, but you also cannot go against your parents as they are still your parents. And paying the bill. </p>

<p>re your “And thats another reason why I want to go to hotchkiss… I don’t want to have gotten off the wait list all for nothing, and it would be really unfair to other applicants…” that is a nice sentiment but that is not a reason to pick the school now! If you accept, great. If you don’t, Hocthkiss will move on and forget about you. You should not go there because you feel bad that they moved you into the accepted pile.</p>

<p>The same thing actually happened last year as someone was waitlisted somehere and on April 9th was moved off the list based on earlier communication which indicated they would would go. But this person also had a few acceptances in hand from other schools and by then had decided to go to a school that initially and originally accepted them. Friends had helped pull strings to move them off the waitlist so it was even more delicate but these schools don’t care. They have hundreds of capable kids that want to be there and can easily fill the spot. </p>

<p>IMHO, you should go to Choate as it would probably make you and your mom happiest in the long run but I guess you have ruled it out. You certainly shouldn’t take advice only from an anonymous internet board where people have vested interests and biases.</p>

12

<p>As a NYC resident, I can say that the transportation issue is just not meaningful. Lawrenceville is a bit closer than Hotchkiss or Choate (60 miles vs 100), but in the context of a trip from school to China, it’s just not meaningful at all. Princeton is a nice university town, but it’s something like 5-7 miles away from Lawrenceville. You’re not going to be going there except on weekends. That said, with 32% of Lville being day students, you may feel the need to go somewhere on weekends. If the arts program is your dominant concern, then I’d suggest Choate. If you want a more relaxed natural setting then Hotchkiss fits the bill. You might want to look through the lists of clubs and the course catalogs to help you with your decision.</p>

13

<p>One comment about college matriculation. As has been pointed out many times on this site, matriculation is heavily influenced by other issues, especially being a legacy. There is really no way to adjust for this, so I’d suggest looking at SAT scores instead. I also like looking at the difference between incoming SSAT scores and outgoing SAT scores as a rough way of quantifying value added. Highly imperfect, but it’s another tool in your analytical tool kit.</p>

14

<p>L-ville is down the road and 3 miles at best from princeton. walkable. Not 5-7 miles.</p>

<p>Both Lville and Choate are on more major train lines, as well as closer to airports and have more transportation options. When taking the fact that someone is coming from across the world into play, yes the extra hour may not matter, but it is a convenience thing.</p>

<p>Lakeville Ct is in the middle of nowhere which is part of the appeal to some.</p>

<p>the Op also has an aunt nearby Lville which means she would have somewhere to go and someone to look out for her. Don’t minimize this as it is hard for foreign students or anyone for that matter more than a few hours away from bs. Their parents can’t come to sports events or plays the way the NYC or other close-in parents/families do. They have to hope for invites on long weekends when it doesn’t make sense to travel all the way home. Having a built in local support system is a huge benefit and a nice retreat. It also helps in terms of food/shopping, medical, holidays/birthdays etc.</p>

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<p>[Google</a> Maps](<a href=“Google Maps”>Google Maps)
It’s 5.6 miles from Lawrenceville to Princeton University. I’ve driven it and it is definitely not something you’d walk. I believe there is a public bus though. </p>

<p>I don’t have a student currently at either school, but facts are facts. The importance of a family friend is a matter independent of distance unless the student is really close to that person. Otherwise, she’d likely have other friends to spend time with on weekends. </p>

<p>According to Google Maps, Choate is 9 minutes closer to LaGuardia than is Hotchkiss. It’s worth asking the schools whether they run buses to the airports at holidays. If so, the driving time is what counts most. I’ve got kids at schools in NH and MA and both schools send buses to and from NYC at breaks.</p>

16

<p>Vivsters - do you currently live in an urban or rural area?</p>

<p>If urban, I would try the argument that this is your one chance to really live in a beautiful part of the country that has great cultural and intellectual opportunities. You can ALWAYS live in/near the city - either in college or work. It is hard to get a great paying job and have lots of friends with like-minded interests in the mountains. (I’m not saying impossible just more difficult.) </p>

<p>There are hundreds of students at Hotchkiss whose parents have similar concerns. I am sure there is a bus from NYC that picks up at the airport for major holidays - beginning of school, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Spring Breaks, etc. Many students love riding the bus with their classmates and that rules out the taxi cab driver kidnapping you scenario :)</p>

<p>Do you have a contact at Hotchkiss with whom you could discuss some of these issues? Even if you cannot go re-visit in person, I would guess the school would be quite amenable to having a few phone or SKPE conversations.</p>

<p>Good luck to you!</p>

17

<p>RE: Weekends - a higher boarding student population lends itself to a richer and more full on campus student life. Less of a feeling of you are missing something if you cannot or do not want to leave on the weekends.</p>

18

<p>Lawrenceville will have more boarders on campus as they have more total# of students: 800 vs. 600 for Hotchkiss.</p>

19

<p>Laguardia airport doesn’t matter to someone from China</p>

<p>JFK, Newark and even Hartford might though.</p>

<p>From Lawrenceville School, BOTH Newark International Airport and Philadelphia International Airport are less than an hour away (less than 50 miles away for both). Both have direct flights to/from China.</p>

<p>From Hotchkiss, JFK is over 2 hours away and more than 100 miles. Hartford is 1 1/2 hours away and not as big an airport obviously with far fewer flight options. Choate is 30 min away from Hartford.</p>

20

<p>I don’t think getting transportation would be such a big issue, since another person from my school is going to hotchkiss and another is also going to lawrenceville… And I also met some current students at the receptions for both schools, and they say they usually like to carpool.</p>

<p>Has anyone ever encountered a situation where they got delayed when getting to school? (car broke down, snowstorm, traffic, got lost, etc). What do you so in those emergency situations?</p>