<p>downtoearth, Happy Birthday and health and joy in the coming year! </p>
<p>I’m sorry you’re feeling lousy on your birthday. </p>
<p>Thinking of all the group here, especially those with hurting kids. Good luck navigating the next few days, oregon.</p>
<p>DTE - Happy Birthday. I watched a TedX on introversion. It was awesome! [Susan</a> Cain: The power of introverts | Video on TED.com](<a href=“http://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts.html]Susan”>http://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts.html)</p>
<p>Oregon - I have no advice… but do think I’d ask your D what her preference is. You’ve had a lot on your plate the last few weeks and it would be easily understandable if you didn’t want the hassle. But as you say, if someone else picks up the date, you’re no longer in charge and will likely be in their company regardless?</p>
<p>Happy Birthday dte!
We saw The Wolf of Wall Street this afternoon. Great movie. Leonardo DiCaprio was amazing.</p>
<p>Happy B-day, no doubt late by now dte!
D surprised me by just saying that late tomorrow I should call BF’s mom and say that since they seem to need to sort things out we need to cancel. We can also have fun with her two GF’s (who I will host a bridal shower for later this year) before they go to other parties. Stopped by the store–all is doable even if I do not order ahead. Also found Apple Bacon Popcorn for the game time. And this after an amazing meal, as we had to take D out to divert her attention, right? I have now had 3 meals there and I do believe they rival for the 3 best of my life --3 courses for $33. If any of you visit here I promise to treat you.
I posted a question about Palm Springs accommodation in the caf</p>
<p>Sending Happy Birthday wishes to dte and D2. I hope you are feeling better ,dte.</p>
<p>Oregon, no advice but hoping this all works out.</p>
<p>sevmom, We saw American Hustle on Christmas day and D and I saw Saving Mr Banks yesterday. Two very different movies, but we enjoyed both. Wolf of Wall Street is on my list of “wanna sees”.</p>
<p>FallGirl, Saving Mr. Banks does look good too. Philomena was wonderful too but so different from Wolf of Wall Street. Lots of drug use and sex in Wolf of Wall Street so probably not for everyone. One of my sister’s friends saw it and texted her and warned her not to see it=said it was 3 hours of porn! We thought that was funny and saw it anyway and loved it. Lots of good movies out now. </p>
<p>S2 is leaving today. S1 is staying until January 1 . His girlfriend is coming tomorrow so they can go to a Nee Year’s Eve party here given by one son’s childhood friends and his wife. We are invited to stop in so may do that when we drop them off. We enjoy seeing both son’s friends when they are home visiting. Happy New Year to everyone!</p>
<p>There was a great open letter from a daughter caught up in the Wolf of Wall Street crap. Some blasted her as bitter at losing a life of private jets etc, but I think I agree that for a certain demographic, they won’t see it as it is and instead aspire to be just like that.
</p>
<p>And I agree that it was odd at best to have this as a Christmas Day release. The Meryl Streep August etc isn’t in theaters here yet… and that’s definitely a big one on my list. Saw the previews last night and it looks awesome. Also saw a preview for saving Art Masterpieces during WWII - and both H and I look forward to that one. </p>
<p>I’ve seen Saving Mr Banks - honestly? I so looked forward to it, but felt it moved a little slow and I am a HUGE fan of both the leads in this film. Saw American Hustler last night and thought it was a great film with a nice little twist… and nice that “some of it really happened.”</p>
<p>Dreary, cold rainy day here - about matches my mood! I was sorry to read of all the difficulties. Good thoughts to everyone who needs them. </p>
<p>Why is it that holidays are never what you hope for or imagine them as? I’ve just been under a cloud all week. I feel completely shut out of D’s life - I have no idea what she does other than work and sleep. Oh, and hate her job. I am sure there’s more to her life than that, but I definitely feel shut out. She was home for a week. Monday and part of Tuesday she worked remotely; Friday she worked remotely. When she wasn’t working she was glued to her phone or her computer. I had planned to take the entire week off, but when it became clear she was working, I went off to work as well. </p>
<p>I honestly don’t know what to do. I feel like I used to when a relationship would end. She told me before she came home she had workouts for us to do from her trainer. Never happened. I had gym passes but it was clear she didn’t want to go. I was really looking forward to running the half with her but I don’t think she wants to do it. I guess I just feel sad. Nothing is ever how I think it’s going to be. If I start to say anything at all, D is immediately defensive. She complained that when running, her joints hurt. Then she immediately said, “I know, running is easier when you’re thinner.” She is overweight. She needs to lose weight. But I have said nothing at all about it. Not a word. It’s her life and her choices; I can’t make them for her and she’s made it very clear she doesn’t want my input. </p>
<p>Sorry to be such a downer - these complaints seem so trivial in light of everything many of you are going through. NM, my father used to tell me to “buck up” all the time- I think it’s a dad thing. I hope your D is doing better. FallGirl, I’m thinking of your family as well. I know how tough this is.</p>
<p>sabaray, Sorry you are feeling so sad. I was thinking your daughter liked her job so sorry to hear that as well. Hope you start feeling better soon.</p>
<p>Moda, the film about the art in WWII does look good. I 'm not sure many people (unless maybe so inclined to begin with) watching the Wolf of Wall Street would aspire to that way of life but maybe I’m wrong. It is more of a dark comedy and is over the top. My S1 said after the movie that one of his frat buddies went to Wall Street after graduation but quit his job within a year or two.</p>
<p>Happy B-day dt’s D.
sabaray, I am wondering how old your D is? I do know that feeling of being shut out with S and walking on eggs and hated it. I never thought it would change but it has somewhat. I think it can even be harder with a D as we are use to talking with them.
Fingers crossed that she will become happier and more open. The only thing I ever figured out to do was what I call “normalize”. So while I would want to just be quiet, stay away from the tension I would force myself to act as normal as I could muster. I usually helped. It is a bit like when they were young and acting badly, we had to hang in there or they would feel we abandoned them. Hope this make sense and my thought are with you.</p>
<p>Looking forward to these movies and love reading your opinions. Feels life my real life with begin this Wednesday.</p>
<p>Haven’s seen D yet today but BF texted last night that he was still processing and that he knows he is imperfect. D showed me the text and I replied to her that he is making this all about him and the question is not whether he is imperfect at all. (grrr)
Later I managed to find a moment that felt right to tell D that if they continue there can never be another time like this. They will have agreed to move from “should we” to “how do we”. She seemed to get it. They are “meeting” today at noon.</p>
<p>Sabaray it may be a phase. Older D is the type to keep things to herself and is more defensive. I have to watch what I say. Even innocent things can be taken wrong. Maybe it is their way of establishing themselves as separate. I have friends with older kids who say this happens.
Oregon I hope she makes the right decision.
MIL is here, she can be tough. My SIL is on my bad list. sends me a card for my birthday on how I am more like a sister. ??? That’s why you dumped your mom on me for my birthday? Whatever I am a big girl. I am grouchy grouchy grouchy!</p>
<p>So true that it is really tough to watch our kids when they hurt. </p>
<p>D (so far) likes her job a lot, but she mentioned that it was weird catching up with other 13’ers over break: she felt like she was the only one who liked her real life job. (And, a bunch are planning for grad/prof school or still looking for a job…including one with a new BSN that we thought for sure would be employed right away.) The other side, though, is trying to find balance when you work for a start-up. The hours are crazy and the environment is dynamic, so making time for things out of work isn’t always so easy.</p>
<p>It always makes me feel better to know other people have/are going through the same thing! D does like her job - I shouldn’t have said that she “hated” it. Good mentors, good program. I know this past month has just been incredibly stressful with work demands plus everything else that goes along with the holidays. So that was definitely me embellishing for dramatic effect. Kind of like when the kids were in grade school and came home telling you no one wanted to be their friend. I appreciate all of you helping me to keep things in perspective. </p>
<p>I would not be happy having my MIL at my house for my birthday. In fact, I would not be happy having my MIL at my house at all ever. You’re a good person, DTE. Oregon, I hope the BF business sorts out.</p>
<p>I can totally relate to the defensive daughter syndrome. In giving her the clarisonic face and body brush thing (something I would LOVE I might add), she seemed to think my intention was to tell her loud and clear she has bad skin - which she doesn’t even have! It’s not like I gave her a scale or something (of which she could stand to lose a few). Honestly, it is exhausting to always be guessing how to ask her a question. For example: College. We are full pay. I’d like to know the grades, where she is in terms of classes she’s taken, taking and how that all fits with graduating on time. She sees even this as invasive. H says, as long as she understands that in four years that he’s done paying for it. Yeah right. Doubt that. So yes, I get it.</p>
<p>And no… my MIL in town on my birthday? YIKES. The good news there is my birthday is in August and there would be a lot more options of how to spend the time vs today when it’s something negative and below. </p>
<p>S went to his alma mater’s holiday party - he was fine with what he had to offer in what he’s been up to. But he is more amped than ever to do well on the MCAT. Physics is not his strong suit, but getting the test done with 30 minutes remaining tells me he could also slow it down some. </p>
<p>As for the wolf on wall street - while I wish it was purely entertainment, there have been a number of reviews like the following: [Banker</a> Pros Cheer At Wolf Of Wall Street - Business Insider](<a href=“http://www.businessinsider.com/banker-pros-cheer-wolf-of-wall-street-2013-12]Banker”>Banker Pros Cheer at Wolf of Wall Street) since its release. I find it seriously disturbing and right up there with that kid’s affluence defense when his hit and run killed four people.</p>
<p>Oregon - I think I am slightly confused. Does your D think the relationship has run its course or does the current issue “just” about the challenges that geography has presented? I just think it shouldn’t be this hard when you start out…. if he compromises about something of which he feels strongly, it will ultimately end up resenting and if D feels like her decisions cannot be her own to spare his feelings (foregoing opportunity in the process), she too will find herself resentful and full of “what ifs’.”</p>
<p>Of course I could be reading the situation as completely different. But here is what my life stories tell me: How does he treat his mother and how does his parent’s relationship work? For example: My FIL can be kind of a bully in a very 50’s kind of mindset. And while I know my H knows me to be very smart, sometimes I think a combination of DNA and childhood experiences tilt him to seeing me as some “pretty little head” (even though the bloom is off the rose there). I just sometimes wonder about the examples we both lived with as the root issue of why we often fail to do things differently even with the best of intentions. And bigger truth, I wish we had given a much better example there to our own kids. I know… from the read of it, I can somehow still manage to blame my mother and expect my kids to blame me! ha ha. </p>
<p>I really wish my therapist hadn’t died. She was awesome and I could definitely use some of her motherly advice and listening ear. So much easier to take from her than my actual mom!</p>
<p>sabaray - I think there is just something about the transition from school to the real world that is hard, I remember being just out of college and struggling with work, money issues, and really, really missing college life. I think my own D feels that way at times (and she loves her job), we have also had our moments recently. Hugs to you and hopefully your D will get through this soon. Meanwhile keep training!</p>
<p>Mod, I totally agree that the beginning should not be this hard. D and I did talk a bit and she knows that this is not going to be a “deal” where she promises things she has no control over, such as where her residency will be. I tried my best to give her language “we” v.s. “I” if she decides to walk. This is because she explained to me that she wants him to take the responsibility to end it if that is the decision. She broke up with last long relationship and felt horrid for a long time and she also knows that BF and family will carrying on forever that she left him and she would like to avoid that. I do think she is 100% in but not if he is negotiating with her. As for his family, he is a lot like his mom and dad–passive aggressive and never direct. D comes from parents who are totally “what we say is what we mean” and there is no second guessing. Thus why I am hoping they do not stay together. That said, we have liked him very much except that he won’t say what he wants and says thank you way too often.</p>
<p>Thanks all–will post when I hear.</p>
<p>well, she texted and the party is still on.
Very disappointed here unless he completely committed.
Still, I will rant another time about the near fight with FMIL at Christmas Eve dinner.</p>
<p>Hope everyone is hanging in Ok</p>
<p>MIL has a alzheimers and it very confused. She is going downhill fast. SIL is at her wits end, she is very intense, so doesn’t deal well, doesn’t pick her battles and is very impatient. I know its ALOT for her, is a lot of anyone. But to say I am leaving town, deal with it, is rude and inconsiderate. She would have someone with her for 4 hours on sunday only. H takes her on Saturdays, or we take her at least once a month for an entire weekend. We had her two weekends this month. They are getting more services for her, so SIL will not be so burdened. The problem is my SIL makes everything bigger deal than it has to be. Then everyone has to deal with her it is exhausting. She could never do my job. Nothing ever stay in control and is always crisis oriented.
We were saying that we were glad we took her to D1 graduation for a week, the most together she has been and we had a lot of laughs. A good reminder not to waste time you never know.</p>
<p>Happy BDay to you and your D, downtoearth.</p>