Parents of the HS Class of 2026 (Part 2)

Parents of HS Class of 20xx
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Making ‘The Decision’ is really hard for a lot of students. Sometimes, a student can end up a stage of analysis paralysis, which sometimes can be made worse by a general societal expectation that where you go to college will determine how successful or not the rest of your life will be.

…and that can sometimes create a lot of pressure within a kid.

No college is going to be absolutely perfect. Every school will end up having a couple of things about it that are super annoying or really frustrating. Case in point: D26’s experience so far trying to get answers to her questions about AP credits. :slight_smile:

I think what can also happen w/in a HS senior at this stage is a couple of things:

  1. the realization that this is a big decision. The 1st big adult decision they’re making in their lives. And it’s their decision, not somebody else’s. That can be scary.
  2. recognizing that by picking ONE school, it means that none of the other ones who accepted you will be options to pick from anymore. So the HS senior realizes that there’s an opportunity cost to making this decision. That can be scary, too.
  3. realizing that heading off to college might be a little scary & intimidating. Afraid they won’t fit in, afraid of disappointing their parents, afraid they might not be able to make friends, or whatever the concern is.

I think it’s totally fine & appropriate for a student to take some time to reflect before they make a decision. Some students just ‘know’ early on so the decision is quick, like it was for D26. Other kids, like my D24, took more time to think about it.

At the end of the day, though, a decision DOES have to be made. And not making a decision IS a decision. Harlan Cohen has talked occasionally on his Instagram reels about the decision process at this stage. He proposes that when a student becomes paralyzed by making a decision, what helps sometimes is to reframe it as something like “This is an experiment I’m going to dive into for the next year.”

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My son D24 went on a few school visits, and as soon as we left one said “this is it” — applied, got in the August before Senior year and signed up for housing by January! So this time around has definitely been more stressful!!

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You’d really have to define what ‘cold’ is to you. Here in Raleigh, the natives here pull out parkas with fur lined hoods when its in the 50s and I’ll be in shorts and a long sleeve shirt as long as it’s sunny.

For UIUC, October is the swing month that drives everybody crazy - Temperatures will swing wildly even in a 24 hour period. You might be sweating your ass off at a halloween party, or (rarely) there has been snow already.

The first six weeks back for second semester (Early/mid January thru February) will be your true test of tolerating the cold there. It’s likely going to be dark from 4:45P - 7:00A, and otherwise likely overcast gray about half of all remaining daylight hours. You avg highs will be around 32 (freezing) with average lows in the upper teens to 20s. You may have several single digit days back to back to back (polar vortex sits on it for several days) the -brutal- part which is underestimated is the wind coming across the plains. Since you’ve now been to Champaign you understand when I said, there is absolutely nothing around it. So you have 100+ miles of flat cornfields to the west - and thats your wind alley.

In late January February, it’s not usual to have 6-8 inches of snow packed down into rutted ice on the streets and edges of sidewalks, walking to an 8 am class in what is technically called daytime, with an outdoor temp of 20 but with a biting wind which comes sailing across campus west to east (right down the parallel grid streets) with a wind chill of 0. If you breath thru your nose once, your snot will freeze and you can feel it happen.

Water proof snow or mountain climbing boots with deep grooved tread, hiking socks, flannel lined jeans, flannel shirts / henleys, fleeces, down parkas, gloves (get multiple pairs because once gloves get wet it takes them awhile to dry out unless you’re going to go to the dryer 2x a day), hat/earmuffs, baklava or a scarf you can pull over your nose and mouth to breath thru. And she’ll be shedding layers the moment she gets inside for class.

I would also recommend some snow glasses and sunglasses - one, the cold wind will absolutely irritate your eyes if you’re heading into it.

And on the nice clean snow days (where the snow isn’t grey or dirty black yet) when there’s clear skies with bright sun - snow blindness / serious sensory headaches are a real thing especially if they are out there having fun in the snow for a couple hours.

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Thank you. This is really good framing of the challenges D26 may be facing in making a decision.

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I’ve been wondering if your daughter is having a hard time, too, because she’s undecided on major. The strength of the specific program of interest is often the major differentiator between schools.

When mine was down to three, here’s what she had –

School 1:

Student Body Vibe - PERFECT, considered ED. Location - meh, but an adventure. Major - not ideal after some digging, but not bad. Downsides – cost and weather and dorms. Upside - vibe and creative space.

School 2:

Student Body Vibe - not a great fit. Location - bleagh. Major – VERY desirable. Downsides – not as big a name in her field, uber conservative area. Upside - she’d be a big fish in a small pond.

School 3:

Student Body Vibe - good, nothing objectionable. Location - initially negative, but more favorable as she considered it. Major - PERFECT. Downsides – grind school, kids call it “getting out” instead of graduating. Upside – reputation, extracurriculars, chance of finding her tribe, cost.

She picked School 3, even though it wasn’t the one she was initially excited about, and it wasn’t the one that was wooing her. It just made the most sense on paper.

I did try my hardest not to sway her, although it’s possible I did anyway. We have talked at length about what the rigorous academics will mean for her and how she functions – she struggles with executive function, and I know that’s going to pose a challenge. I’m trying to help her go into it as prepared as she can.

She hasn’t hit excited about this particular school yet, although she is generally excited about graduating and going to college. I think she might have been giddier with one of her other two final choices. But that is okay – she still thinks she made the best choice with the information she had.

All that to say, I don’t think students should expect the heavens to part and angel voices to sing when they pick the right school. But it’s hard to get them to understand that!

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Turn the tables. Ask each college admissions officer to write a personal essay as to why your daughter should choose their school.

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Not having a major definitely takes a potential differentiating factor off of the table. Though, I do think she does view the schools (or at least one of them) as distinct in terms of the academic rigor it will likely require and what that may mean for both the experience and her preparation for the future. And I do think she is right that school is likely to be the most rigorous. She can’t decide yet if she wants that experience or not.

On the good news front, she reached out to her college counselor at school so they can meet this week about it. She has a good relationship with her, and I’m hoping she can help her get unstuck and have a more balanced perspective on the choice so it’s not so paralyzing. I think it’s great she is talking to her as I think she is more open to what she has to say than with us.

And thanks for the reminder that angel voices should not be the expectation. I think for all of us her admissions results were better than expected, and that may have set all of our expectations too high on how making this choice would feel for her. You and others have made great points about the challenges for a teen making such big decisions for the first time with nobody telling them what to do.

I loved the school I went to within 5 minutes of stepping on campus on my initial visit. Chose my law school with similar instant love. So, I have no experience with how she’s feeling about the schools.

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They also need to send videos, no longer than 90 seconds. Bonus points if it includes an award-winning gymnastics routine in what is clearly not a random high school gym paired with a montage that proves the school is also very, extremely chill. :rofl:

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Your daughter has such wonderful choices. I can well imagine how hard this must be. I wouldn’t know what to do! Fingers crossed she’s on the other side soon. My D26 went through a similar rigorous self-examination (and wanted little input from us) and came up with the one school that checks all the boxes…and it was NOT an angels singing moment. Interestingly, she had one of those at a different school…and was perceptive enough to eventually realize (after three visits) that the “song” was really all about vibes, the location, the peers, the architecture and NOT the program. She ruthlessly crossed it off her list while I was still mentally loading up a cart with merch because I loved it too. Your daughter sounds so thoughtful and amazing. She’ll get there. And we’ll be ready to celebrate with you!!!

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Dear Admissions officer:

Please submit your essay (less than 650 words) in the next week. We want your essay to reflect your university’s character, values, and how you foster and encourage intellectual curiosty. We also strongly suggest you to use our own voice and not Chat GPT.

Best,

ECCA family

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My D had the instant love for her current top choice school. She felt it as soon as the plane landed and she looked out the window! And she felt that way the whole time she was on campus visiting it! But she is now overthinking… and overthinking… :face_with_spiral_eyes:

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Please don’t second guess yourselves at this point. You were wise to focus on colleges that meet your financial needs. I know this is stressful, but she has excellent options, a choice will be made, and soon you will be buying hoodies and decals.

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All these adcoms are about to add this to their own “hidden essays” thread!

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D26 and I had a conversation a couple of days ago about how she was going to evaluate her choices. We both realized that we had the exact same three criteria: outcomes of students/preparation for what she might want to do in the future, academic curriculum (both features and potential challenges especially with her not knowing exactly what she wants to study yet), and vibes. All this to say that I don’t think she’s looking for the angels singing either. The saying in our house (or maybe it’s just me that says it a LOT) is “Perfect is the enemy of good.” I try to remind her that she’s going to be happy at all of her choices and there’s no bad decision. It’s just a decision that she gets to make.

Good luck and we’re all pulling for her!

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There are a handful of core members here whose final decisions I’m curious to hear – and eager to celebrate!

Decision day is also my D26’s last day of school, and it’s a day that is both everlastingly far away and also can’t come soon enough. :joy:

ETA – wait, I just realized that sentence made no sense. It’s a day that is just around the corner but also seems everlastingly far away. Or something, LOL.

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I was deciding between the same two schools as your daughter. One had more academic options that fit my interests, but after revisiting both, I couldn’t ignore the vibes pulling me to the other school. I never regretted following my gut.

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@ECCA2026 and @ali-ice I feel for you and your kids! We were on the same boat - until last night! We went to an admitted students’ day on Saturday and told our S26 that he has to decide after the event because all the AP exam reviews/prep, prom, concerts, etc are ramping up starting this week.

So he sat down with us after dinner and got him to talk it all out. But before this moment, S26 wrote a list of all the things he wants/likes/dislikes about a college without having any college in mind. So when he finally was ready to talk about his top 4 options, we went through his list and wrote down the pros and cons of each school in his top 4. He was also ready to ask us what we thought about each school after stating the pros and cons for each school. We were very careful not to influence him too much throughout this entire process (because one of his top options is my alma mater lol).

In the end, he picked the school that had what matters to him the most - strength of program, campus size, newish dorms (lol), places to walk to, to get a bite to eat/or buy supplies outside of campus (he will not have a car) and others. Is it 100% perfect for him? Not really, BUT this school checks off all the boxes that are important to him and once he saw that or heard that from us (we had to point it out to him lol), he felt at peace. He knew all along - for about 3 weeks now - that THIS is the school for him. He felt it on our last visit. He just needed to be reminded of our last visit but most of all he needed to talk it all out and hear us say, you’ve known all along and it’ll be ok, you’ll be ok!

Hopefully talking it out, making a list of what matters to your kids most, and then making a pros and cons list may help your kids too? Good luck! You’ve got this!

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My S26 was also waiting for the angels singing and fireworks when he realized which school is best for him LOL. This is such a huge decision for our kids that it’s terrifying. I told my S26, as long as you remember what matters to you most, you will find your people at your school.

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I’m waiting to share until my S26 is ready. I cannot wait to share though LOL!

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Tell him that he has an adoring public that MUST be kept informed.

:rofl:

(Too much? I just wanna know, dangit, lol!)

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