<p>we had to deal with that during the last qtr of my daughters junior year of school.
( her cat- who had been oldish died unexpectedly)
after I contacted a few of the HAs who were friends I decided to tell her.
She also failed her OChem spring final and then needed to take the next year off- and my timing may have impacted that. ( however- she also had undiagnosed mono at this time as well)</p>
<p>( but we did keep the cat in the freezer, until she could come home and we buried her together)</p>
<p>I would want to know right away (I’m a college student with an older dog at home), but maybe your son is different. One question to consider is when would you tell him otherwise? By the time he’s home, he will have noticed that the dog isn’t there. If siblings or cousins know, then I think you definitely need to tell him now because of the reason Mary stated.</p>
<p>Our last pet died the 1st year S was away – a rabbit that he had cared for over the years. We had meant to not tell him until he came home but somehow it came out on the day the rabbit died–I think he was IMing his sister (who lived at home). He was curious about the details, sad, and showed interest but then moved on to discuss other topics. </p>
<p>Of course, people tend to be a lot closer to dogs than bunnies, but just wanted to point out that sometimes things turn out in unintended ways (like how our S got the news).</p>
<p>This is such an individual choice that I can’t advise you but I know what I would have to do if our dog died this week. My D is in the same situation - freshman with exams next week. I would not tell her because she would not be able to think about anything else. I think she would rather be an emotional mess at home at this point. </p>
<p>When I was a senior in college, my horse was struck by lightning and killed. My parents waited to tell me when I came home the following weekend. I had mixed feelings about them waiting, but I was so upset, it was nice to be able to go to my room to cry for hours without having to explain anything to anyone.</p>
<p>I am so sorry about your dog. I truly don’t see how I will make it through the loss of our dog when that time comes. I think I would wait until after your son’s finals, but given the presence of your other kids, it’s a tough call.</p>
<p>My parents used to not tell me (in college and as a full-fledged adult) when immediate family members were in the hospital and seriously ill. We also had a dog die unexpectedly while I was in college. I was so angry about being left out and not treated as capable of handling the situation that I resolved to always be upfront with my kids. </p>
<p>That said, when I was diagnosed with cancer, I waited about ten days before telling the kids, until we had bone marrow biopsy results and a definitive diagnosis. I wanted to be able to give them the truth as we knew it and to do it in such a way that didn’t disrupt their world any more than necessary. (They were 10 & 11 at the time.)</p>
<p>And on yet the other hand, our dog and S1 are particularly attached to one another. She sleeps with him when he’s home and mopes when he’s not. She is very much a vital part of our family…</p>
<p>I guess I would stand on the side of disclosure, esp. with siblings who are also grieving and may share that sadness with the big brother.</p>
<p>(1) What a lovely outpouring of sympathy.
(2) Particular thanks to the students who have weighed in. It’s a very useful perspective, and one we don’t always get on these parent forums.
(3) My current thinking is to see how the burial goes today, and call him then, or tomorrow afternoon at the latest. My best guess for this boy is that he’ll be sad, in fact he’ll be surprised at how sad he is, but that his tears will be healthy and cleansing and temporary. (This dog technically belonged to my youngest, but the dog and DS had their own rituals that only they shared.) (Man this sucks.)
(4) I’d like to hijack my own thread and ask if anyone has recommendations in another area. Our older dog is ~11; this one was ~5. They’re the only dogs we’ve had. I’m sure when the time is right we’ll want another dog. Do we try to replicate the one we lost (same breed/sex/. . .)? Do we purposely go in a different direction? Our older one is a lab, this was a Corgi. (I know–pathetically goofy-looking but oh so cute at the same time.) I liked that we had two pretty different dogs in terms of looks/personality. Any thoughts on what direction to go when it’s time to bring a new one into the house?</p>
<p>It sounds like he gave you permission to wait to tell him if something happened to a pet. However, you might run it by the other siblings to be sure they can avoid talking about it on Facebook…if it is too complicated, tell him ASAP. Our family dog died while D was in the middle of important performance schedule…and I knew she could not sing if she knew, she is very emotional…I waited to tell her, and she understood.</p>
<p>If you are planning to go ahead and tell him before he is out of school (difficult call - I would not know how best to handle it either) then maybe you should tell him before you bury the dog. That way if he wants to somehow be involved (like talk to you or one of the kids before or during or after) he can do so. Waiting until after it is all over may make him feel like he was not part of the family ‘grieving’ process’. He may feel more left out if you wait till tomorrow. Several years ago my daughter lost a beloved boyfriend who died when we were away on vacation - he was cremated before she even knew he was dead (there was never a funeral or anything). I think this made it much harder for he to cope with the loss in the long run. Although I know a person is different to a dog it is something to consider. Telling him before may give him the option, if he wants it, of some sort of involvement, albeit from a distance.</p>
<p>I am sorry about your dog. I still remember how hard it was when my dog died 20+ years ago. She was part of the family.</p>
<p>I just asked my DD, she is in grad school, she says if it was her, she would SAY she wanted to know right away, but knowing what she knows, you ought to wait until he gets home as it WILL mess up finals for most people.</p>
<p>That being said she also brought up the time we delayed telling the kids until the weekend when we put down our 16 year old dog midweek as it was an important week at school and we were not staying at home due to a remodel, so the would not notice.</p>
<p>The dog is no less dead two weeks later, so it should be fine to wait, BUT one issue is that you will have processed for two weeks and he will be reeling so you need to be available to go back mentally to your immediate feelings and help him process the sadness.</p>
<p>Now that I read what every one else said, I have to restate that he will be mourning on a different schedule, I am not sure if that is a big deal or not. It was really tough for me when we put down the very old dog and the kids were in elementary school.</p>
<p>We had to put one down when they were pre-school and that I handled fine, but I am such a big animal loving fool (as mafool said so well) that I just did not know how much time to give them to grieve, how much time away from activities etc.</p>
<p>We have had 6 dogs over the years, only 1 right now and because it is only one, the kids are much more emotionally bonded to this one, also because we now have an inside dog; when we had 3-4 at once they were primarily outdoors due to our location. An inside ‘bed buffalo’ dog who sleeps with you is a tough one to lose. I definitely noticed a different attachment level and different reaction to the deaths of different dogs.</p>
<p>We have had 4 of one breed and 2 of the other and would probably always stick with one of those two breeds and would no worry about it feeling like a replacement, my current dog is the same breed & same colour as the one who lived to be 16, sometimes he looks just like the other one did and it is a happy moment. </p>
<p>Some of our friends who have lost dogs to whom the were very close have gone years and not replaced the dog, we have not gone a day without a dog and would always replace right away.</p>
<p>"your son was ambivalent as to whether he would want to know immediately or wait. So, he already gave you a clue that he would not feel terrible if you waited "</p>
<p>Sorry for the loss of your doggie. My 2 cents: from experience myself and experience with my kids, I am in favor of honesty is the best policy. Hiding an important tragic event has reverberations down the road. Everyone is different so for your son and family waiting might work out, but my own outlook dictates the swifter truthfulness. For me, knowing that I was going about my daily business in ignorance would be a hard pill to swallow.</p>
<p>I would have told him right away. He’s in college now and shouldn’t need to have this kind of information withheld from him. He can probably handle it better than you imagine.</p>
<p>One of the first questions he’ll ask when you tell him is “when did it happen?”.</p>
<p>I’m sorry for the loss of your dog. I’m a dog lover as well.</p>
<p>when our dog died this past year, i did not tell my d immediately because i was waiting for the right time (but would have done it within a weeks time). anyway, dh mentioned the dog’s death to her not knowing that she didn’t already know. d thinks i should have told her immediately. so mylb, i’m also in the “tell him now” camp.</p>
<p>Do you know his schedule? If/when you do tell him, I’d try to do it when he has a good chance of being alone, without roommates around, so he can have that some time to himself.</p>
<p>Good luck with your decisions about another dog. Is your older one lonely without his companion, or would the thought of a new dog during his ‘golden years’ be rough on him? I wouldn’t rush into it though-- you and your family will know when the time is right.</p>