<p>Good luck, Julie!</p>
<p>Just to echo what Pizzagirl said. One of the most memorable weddings I’ve ever attended was that of my daughter’s preschool teacher, which was just a sandwich and cake reception in the church basement done by church volunteers. This young teacher had very sweetly invited all the preschool children in her class–my DD was so excited to see a real wedding, and loved the little confetti on the tables (no centerpieces).</p>
<p>In my culture, we believe a wedding could bring good luck to the family. Who knows, maybe your SO will get another job soon.</p>
<p>As far as insurance, my previous employer (I suspect it is probably true for other employers) used to allow us to put our partner on our insurance without being married. They stipulated that people had to be living together for a year to qualify. They also allowed same sex partner.</p>
<p>Julie, I’m sorry for your added stress, and thinking good thoughts about your fiance’s job. </p>
<p>Don’t let the wedding sites drive you crazy: what you are planning is lovely. </p>
<p>There is NO WAY that you should feel guilty for having a 1 hour travel time to your wedding. That is nothing. I think you are being infected by the guilt trip and negativity laid on you by your mother. (Be aware that people’s mothers OFTEN behave strangely around their weddings. 
)</p>
<p>I think that it would be most striking to have square vases and square plates. The lillies and river rocks sound great.</p>
<p>I think that skipping the additional glasses and beverage for the toast is just fine. Having the moment when everyone pauses together for the toast(s) is the point. Similarly, a bartender isn’t necessary. You might have a couple of friends whom you could ask to open some wine bottles and pour some glasses right at the beginning. Many of us have friends who would gravitate towards that anyway, just as there are some people who practically have to be physically restrained from clearing the table and doing the dishes. :D</p>
<p>What flavor is your cake going to be?</p>
<p>I saw something on TV a while back that says if you are buying stuff for a wedding ( like flowers, cake, table covering, center pieces , you should just say it is for a party because once you say “wedding” the price just about doubles.</p>
<p>Again, thank you for all of the reassurance!</p>
<p>oldfort - His general goal is to use this unemployment as an opportunity. We live very frugally so my income alone during the year is generally almost enough. With the supplemented income from unemployment, we can manage to pay our bills and other expenses and have still managed to be saving some. Meanwhile, he is taking online courses through reemployment services to become more employable. As an undergraduate, he did not really have a solid plan for his life and majored in history and sociology. Now he is planning on enrolling in the local community college and learning database administration so that he can actually have a career and have better employment prospects than factories and the service industry. Things are kind of tight now, but they will be better down the line because the real world outside of college has been a big reality check for him. </p>
<p>Consolation - I was leaning toward square and square too. I think that’s what I’ll do! Still kind of on the fence about the bartender though. The main thing is that I think having the wine portioned by someone might slow my guests down a bit on it, as would having to go back to the bar repeatedly to get more wine. I’d also like someone to continually restock the drum coolers which, while big, will not fit all of the drinks for the night at one time. Lastly, I was planning on having this individual help to quickly wipe and bin the silverware at some point during the evening, because the rental company made it quite clear that they would not be very happy to pick up bins of forks and knives with bits of rotted meat stuck to them (understandably). </p>
<p>Also the cake will be chocolate with a cookies and cream buttercream filling. (The cookies and cream is his absolute favorite frosting of theirs so that was important to him). I imagine the mini-cupcakes will be a mixture of chocolate and vanilla. </p>
<p>shyanne - I think I saw that on 20/20, and it’s totally true. I’m not a good liar, so I’ve been honest with most of my vendors about the event. However, I have generally made a point of going with vendors who have published prices online, which makes it clear that the price I’m getting is for any event. For instance, I know with some confidence that I am paying the same amount for my catering that I would be if this was a retirement party. I’m also pretty confident that I’m getting a fair price from my DJ and photographer. As for the rental company, all prices per items are published online, so again avoiding that. The gown is something that I’m not comfortable or proud of how much I paid for it, but I did confirm independently that the price offered by the salon was a fair one. </p>
<p>Finally, I have a few logistical/practical questions I’ve been pondering:</p>
<p>-How do I keep the wine cold? No refrigeration so I imagine the solution involves ice. The other drinks will be in a drum cooler with plenty of ice. </p>
<p>-How many disposable cups should I purchase for 100 guests? I doubt most will reuse the same cup all night. Also can anyone recommend a place where I can find clear plastic compostables without labels or ridges on the cups? I don’t see anything I like on Susty Party. </p>
<p>-I’m thinking of going without flowers. The price isn’t huge for them but they are a big logistical issue the couple days prior. I don’t want to spend $200 on flowers only to have them wilt in transport. Also, the centerpieces will be more challenging to put together with submerged flowers, because each individual flower will have to be secured to the bottom with floral putty or something else. I imagine this will have to be done on site too, and I don’t know if they’ll let me have access to space somewhere in which to do this before setup. I think the centerpieces will be fine without the flowers, but I’m not sure if the difference will be worth it. Also, I’m not sure what to do when walking down the aisle. I kind of feel that my own bouquet is superfluous because I end up having someone else hold it for the majority of the ceremony. I’m also not strongly invested in doing a bouquet toss. But I’m not sure if I need to/should have my bridesmaids carrying something. </p>
<p>-I’m also concerned about ceremony music. The ceremony might be outside so I’m not sure how the DJ will setup. Also, the additional setup for the second location is $175. There is music school nearby but it will be summer so I’m not sure how many students would still be around, and I’m sure it wouldn’t be any less than the DJ. Alternatively, we have a good friend who is a talented musician (he plays acoustic/electric guitar and piano) but I’m not sure what we should offer to pay him, and we’re not sure yet if he’s even coming. I’ve thought about asking him to play something but I don’t know if that’s rude because he’s a guest, or not. Any suggestions/comments?</p>
<p>No one will even notice if you don’t have flowers. They’re busy talking and partying. Do make sure you have pretty flowers for yourself, though, either to carry or to wear in your hair. Or both.</p>
<p>Ask your friend the musician if he would play for half an hour as his wedding present to you.</p>
<p>As for drinks, if you make sure the wine is well-chilled in advance, it will be fine to drink as it warms a bit. Reds are generally served at room temperature in any case, and whites are best at 55-60 F. Beer does need to be kept on ice, though. I’d skip mixed drinks entirely–it keeps cost way down and keeps your guests relatively sober, too.</p>
<p>If your friend can’t play for the ceremony, I bet there will be a music student nearby who can, even over the summer. If not, you can call a local church for ideas as they will have people they hire. All you need is one violinist and maybe one singer. My friend has a D who is a music major and she makes extra money throughout the year singing at various churches on the weekends. Any music student would love a little extra money and experience!</p>
<p>hyperJulie, I think they really wanted to have the celebrations to make it all “real” – the civil ceremony last summer was for visa purposes and they did not want that to be it (esp. since her dad and sister weren’t here for it). </p>
<p>We have cut the champagne toast – think we will do sparkling cider. Have trimmed a few things off the rental list and may try to borrow a couple of coolers instead of renting them.</p>
<p>I am not ordering anything from a bridal place. Have been finding other suppliers who can get me the same stuff for a lot less. I am also doing a LOT of DIY. Got chalkboards for the buffet table items and painted the frames yesterday. Found a wood supply co. that sells this kind of stuff cheaply and the quality was great. Am still making napkins, and am going to make banners, steampunk tile coasters for favors and other stuff. (The napkins will turn into a quilt or wall hanging after the festivities.) There also will be some subtle nods to Doctor Who, other geek memes and their current employer.</p>
<p>I am praying there will be enough people who will contra dance to make the band expense worthwhile. This is their big splurge. I think I would go for contra music on the Ipod and hiring a dance caller. </p>
<p>Think my niece will be playing processional music on her flute.</p>
<p>I am thinking about ordering hydrangea from Costco, but also looking at planting a white butterfly bush and dusty miller (plus the ivy in my backyard). Pick-your-own flowers at one of the local farms are also a possibility, but I don’t think I want to wait til the last minute to see what is blooming since we are doing the flower arranging.</p>
<p>I’m not a huge supporter of the floral industry (too much environmental/human health damage), so my preference is always for centerpieces with candles instead. Julie, have you seen the bridal button bouquets on Pinterest or Etsy? Some are really lovely.</p>
<p>dmd77 - Any tips on chilling that large of a quantity of wine in advance? We’re traveling the day of the wedding and definitely don’t have the refrigerator space. Another thing that I’m concerned about with the flowers it that I was planning on having white flowers, and it’s been pointed out to me that “white” flowers tend to look yellow against a wedding dress. As for the music I guess I’ll just have to bite the bullet and ask. He’s a pretty laid back guy so I can’t imagine him getting offended but I’m still nervous about it. I was already planning on skipping any alcohol other than beer and wine, so hopefully that and having plenty of food will keep things sane. </p>
<p>greenwitch - I guess I’ll start looking into that, especially in case the friend falls through. I’d really like to have guitar if possible, and somebody willing to learn something other than “here comes the bride.” I’ve recently become attached somewhat to the idea of using the theme from Up as processional music, a la this arrangement:</p>
<p>[Theme</a> from Up - Classical Guitar - YouTube](<a href=“Theme from Up - Classical Guitar - YouTube”>Theme from Up - Classical Guitar - YouTube)</p>
<p>CountingDown - That wedding sounds seriously cool. We’re total nerds, but haven’t really found a great way to incorporate that into the wedding (aside from having it at a museum). I love the idea of steampunk touches. </p>
<p>As for the contra dancing, would maybe including an introductory lesson as part of the evening’s entertainment be a possibility to get more people involved? I don’t think I’d jump straight into an unfamiliar dance style but I would if someone was teaching. </p>
<p>The DIY can get so intense. I really wanted to DIY a lot for this wedding but have realized that in certain aspects, I’ll just have to let things go if I intend to plan while in graduate school and keep my sanity. Right now I don’t really have much by the way of projects aside from making place cards, table numbers, and maybe a couple of signs here and there maybe listing the offerings at the bar. </p>
<p>I think my SIL did blue hydrangea at her wedding, and it was very pretty. Out of water it wilted really fast though. Sam’s Club seems to have really good deals on bulk flowers so I’m still waffling either way. </p>
<p>Soph14’s Mom - Yes, I have seen the button bouquets. Some of them really are quite pretty, but others not so much. I’m not crafty enough to make my own though, and they’re just as expensive to buy as real flowers would be. I’ve also thought about making paper flowers but I’m not sure how those would be received. I’ve looked at instructional videos at length but again I am not confident in my ability to craft them to sufficient quality.</p>
<p>@Julie: just chill the wine well overnight and leave it in boxes with something wrapped around the boxes. It will be fine. As for flowers, what my daughter did was stop at the grocery store that morning and buy what was fresh and pretty… but a bouquet of sweetheart roses is always pretty, comes in a lot of different colors, and has the right name, too 
Personally, I’m partial to pink flowers, but really, any color will look lovely. </p>
<p>My daughter had contra-dancing at the wedding (her FIL is a caller) and lots of people participated. (And all the musicians were friends of the bride and groom, and had a great time providing music. And the music was sensational.)</p>
<p>I think letting the wedding be relaxed and comfortable and affordable will help you set the tone for the rest of your lives together.</p>
<p>In a previous life I called contra dances. Today it seems to me that some young callers are die-hards without sense of what beginners need, while others are more seasoned and can plan for a variety of dances. It’s pretty standard to have a 15 minutes or so lesson before most contra dances, so that’s nothing unusual to request. If you say you will have a lot of beginners, so be aware of that when choosing dances for the entire evening, a good caller will make the moves build upon what was taught in the dance preceding.</p>
<p>See if they will also include and announce a few English Country Dances for some of the less robust relatives. Those are smoother, more fluid, without as much stomping. Younger folks may find them boring, but a few peppered throughout (and announced) will engage your older guests. </p>
<p>Square dancing is a bit different, and Western style. Contra came over from England to New England. George Washington was reputed to be a great contra dancer, who sneaked away into the towns to unwind and procrastinate when he should have been planning military strategies. The British teased him in the verse, “Mind the music and the step, and with the girls be handy.”</p>
<p>In a previous life I called contra dances. Today it seems to me that some young callers are die-hards without sense of what beginners need, while others are more seasoned and can plan for a variety of dances. You can ask them in interview, or look up local contradance societies to ask for reputations of various callers on how well they relate to beginners.</p>
<p>It’s pretty standard to have a 15 minutes or so lesson before most any contra dance, so that’s nothing unusual to request! It’s a good idea. If you say you will have a lot of beginners, so be aware of that when choosing dances for the entire evening, a good caller will make the moves build upon what was taught in the dance preceding. Above all, you want someone who is patient with everyone’s mistakes, and reteaches a bit with a smile.</p>
<p>See if they will also include and announce a few English Country Dances for some of the less robust relatives. Those are smoother, more fluid, without as much stomping. Younger folks may find them boring, but a few peppered throughout (and announced) will engage your older guests. </p>
<p>“Square dancing” is a bit different, more American Western style, also fun but pay attention to which kind of caller you hire. A good contradance caller will also includes some square formation dances through the evening, without as much reference to “swing the little lady” kind of banter.</p>
<p>This is off my head from memory, so the details might be off, but quickly I recall: Contra and reel dancing came over from England to New England and Appalachia in the 17th century… George Washington was reputed to be a great contra dancer, who sneaked away into the towns to unwind and procrastinate when he should have been planning military strategies. The British teased him in the verse of Yankee Doodle, “Mind the music and the step, and with the girls be handy.”</p>
<p>I like some of the designs for flowers made out of book pages (which would also be TOTALLY cool for S & DIL, since they both are voracious readers). Have considered doing those, too. The hard part is deciding what I can get done in a sane manner and what is just too much. </p>
<p>dmd, the caller will do a lesson at the beginning since most people haven’t done contra before. I am going to start going on Sunday evenings (less crazed than the Friday night dance) so I can get acclimated to the spinning before the big day. The band is the group that did contras at his college, so he knows them well. The contra is a third of their budget, so I am anxious that it is successful!</p>
<p>I saw a pic of a wedding where the B&G built a wedding arch out of books. So cool! Their guests would tear it down after the ceremony and sit around reading…esp. if I used science fiction/fantasy books to build it. ;)</p>
<p>Secret of the spinning: don’t walk around with two feet in a circle! Instead, keep your right foot in the center as a pivot, like the central radius point of a circle. Don’t move its place very much. </p>
<p>By contrast; Use the left foot to push your body mass around in a circle. Look into your partner’s eyes the whole time to stay centered. </p>
<p>You won’t get dizzy, unless of course your partner is a real heart-throb. Even so, you change partners so often you can recover.</p>
<p>I like contradancing, it’s a lot of fun and socializes the entire room without regard to age.</p>
<p>p3t, wow, I had no idea you were involved in contra! DIL is English and has done some of the English country dancing as well as picking up contra with S1. The caller is a member of this particular band and has experience with rookies. We are also asking for some waltzes over the course of the evening.</p>
<p>I made an English country dancing dress for a friend of ours back in the late 80s and found out later she wore it as her wedding dress!</p>
<p>DH has also done some techno contra (contra done to contemporary music – some songs have the right pacing). He has bought many CDs from the bands that come to Glen Echo over the years, burned them on to his computer and kindly left the CDs here for me.</p>
<p>^ :}, CountingDown!</p>
<p>Oooh, the waltzes - they will be a big hit, surely! Sounds delicious.</p>
<p>I’m back, with more questions!</p>
<p>First, how much is reasonable to pay a student musician for a half hour of work? Well, more realistically, 5 minutes at the beginning, sitting through the ceremony, and then five minutes again at the end. Assume this includes learning a song (or two) that the student does not already know. </p>
<p>Second, I’m again stuck on the tablesettings. The venue coordinator recommended not to put the plates at the table, which, now that I think about it, makes sense because they’ll just have to carry the plates to the buffet. </p>
<p>So, I was thinking I might switch from the teal table runner to a pale green organza overlay, which would just add a really slight light green shimmer to the tabletops. I can get these overlays for $3 each plus shipping. Then I can rent teal napkins to put at each place setting, and make up a buffet and dessert menu to fold into the napkins. Basically, use the napkins folded such as to display the menu at each place setting in lieu of a plate.</p>
<p>Also, any suggestions as to how not to have my tables be so empty? I am not intending to rent glasses at this point because the expense is prohibitive. I just sent out invitations today and depending on the volume of yes responses to no responses, I might revise this. The venue coordinator also said the banquets wouldn’t be possible with the new construction configuration.</p>
<p>Which gets to me to my newest panic! The display in the gallery in which I am having the reception is changed a few times a year. They were supposed to have constructed and switched it sometime mid April, but now it is set to be finished May 30th. My wedding is June 1st! I sent the coordinator back an email but haven’t heard back and I’m kind of in a panic. What if the entire gallery smells like fresh paint? What if the project gets behind schedule and isn’t completed in time for the wedding? Any suggestions for things I can do? I’m also debating purchasing event insurance because I’m worried that the event will have to be cancelled due to no space to have it and I don’t want to lose all of my deposits. Ugh.</p>
<p>Sorry to add to your thread but this is the latest one on “wedding etiquette” and I didn’t want yet another one.</p>
<p>Received an invitation in the mail to a wedding of casual friends. The response card did not have a stamp on it. That’s a first. When their other child got married, they didn’t even invite people to the wedding, just an informal reception afterwards. Unfortunately we couldn’t go because of health issues, but I assumed it was just a punch and cake thing. I have no problem with people doing just what they can afford, but these people are not poor. Rather well off.</p>
<p>So this one is held in a church basement and I’m assuming again that it’s punch and cake. But really; saving money by not putting a stamp on the response card/</p>
<p>By the way, when our last son got married these people came to the sit down dinner but never even gave the couple a wedding gift. Claim they sent a check that was never cashed. Never sent a secon. That too is fine, the couple doesn’t need the money. But now I’m getting the distinct impression that this is more of a fund raiser for their kids than a real reception. On the other hand, I hate to punish the young couple because of the stinginess of their parents</p>